^{This is how it’s done, Joaquin.}

After the jump, I’ve got the NSFW red-band trailer for Miss March, which would look like a horrible Maxim movie or a direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel… only it stars two of the Whitest Kids You Know and Craig Robinson from The Office.  Just to set this clip up, Whitest Kid Zach Cregger needs a prom limo, so he calls his best friend, Whitest Kid Trevor Moore*, who sets him up with rapper “Horsedick dot Mpeg”, played by Craig Robinson.  Then we cut to Horsedick’s music video for “I’m a F-ck a White Bitch.”  I have to admit, I gigglequeefed. It’s amazing what a crappy, middle-of-the-road teen comedy can become when people who are actually funny get involved.

^{*Quoth… the traven?}
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The Whitest Kids You Know are a sketch comedy group who’ve apparently had a show on IFC for three seasons now, though I still know them mainly as the guys behind “Slow Jerk” and “The Slapping Sketch”, both of which I’ve included after the jump. Watch them, they’re awesome, I promise.  Meanwhile, the trailer above is for Miss March, written, directed, and starring Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore of the Whitest Kids, and Craig Robinson of The Office (as well as solid smaller roles in Knocked Up, Pineapple Express, and Zack and Miri Make a Porno). Miss March is about a guy who falls into a coma before he can have sex with his prom date and when he comes to four years later, she’s a playmate.  And that becomes the vehicle for a wacky road movie about trying to get to the Playboy Mansion.  Get it?  Vehicle?  Road Movie?  Boy, metaphors, huh?  What. Would. We. Do. Without them.

According to IMDB, it also stars Josh Fadem as “Flava Flav Kid”.  I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that.
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Variety reported today that Paramount Vantage has acquired the rights to the New York Times story "Hey Coach, Do You Need a Timeout?" by Warren St. John.

I thought the title sounded pretty gay, so I decided to read the original story, which "centers on college fraternity brothers who decide to get together and coach a peewee football team but find themselves overwhelmed by the competitive nature of the league."

Sure enough, the story was both cute and heartwarming. It's sad someone had to buy the rights to it, because most of its charm is due to the fact that it's a real-life version of a million movies that have already been made – Kicking and Screaming, Ladybugs, etc.   Vivid Video once tried to buy the rights to the time I went to go fix the copy machine at the Asian sorority house, but I told them no because I knew they'd probably turn it into something sexual.  Yuck!

Anyway, Paramount Vantage is planning the film as a comedic vehicle for Trevor Moore, whom I had to look up, but apparently is a guy from "The Whitest Kids You Know".  They do some funny stuff (he's the tall guy).  See kids? Research can be fun.  Demental.