^{Says Stath: “Oi, da cunt’s just admoirin’ moy fock’n abs.  Nuffing gaiy about dat, innit.”}

When Louis Leterrier directed his Transporter films (he directed the second and “artistic directed” the first), it seems he had certain ideas about Jason Statham’s character, ideas that the character was gay.

Leterrier, told me he created a gay subtext for the character so as to avoid making a “Steven Seagal kind of movie.”

“If you watch the movie and you know he’s gay, it becomes so much more fun,” Leterrier said then. “It’s so great — the first gay action movie hero!” He continued: “Action fans in general are pretty homophobic. You see these tough guys who say, ‘ “The Transporter,” that’s such a great movie!’ If they only knew they’re really cheering for a new kind of action hero.”
And to drive his point home, he mentioned a scene in “Transporter 2” in which a drug czar’s wife, played by Amber Valletta, makes romantic overtures toward the Transporter. Martin rebuffs her, explaining, “It’s because of who I am.”  Leterrier’s take on that? “That’s him coming out!” [LA Times Blog]

It’s hard for me not to get sidetracked by that Seagal reference… but naturally, I wanted to know what our friend The Stath thought about this.  So I asked him:

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In a recent interview with Empire Magazine, Jason Statham revealed that after he finishes work on all the latest Transporters and Cranks, his next project will be The Grabbers, a project written by David and Janet Peoples (12 Monkeys), which will be heavily influenced by the Bogart classic The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.  Statham had this to say about the project:

Oy, yeah. E’s koynda loike a Treashya a da Sierra Madre, only dat bloke ‘at played it befo’, ‘e wizz always keepin’ ‘e’s shir’ on.  An’ oy bloody weww ain’ gonna fock’n do dat, now ees oy?  Oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam now isn’ oy?  An’ anuvva fing – dem blokes ina Sierra Madre, ‘umphrey Blogar’ ‘an oww dat, dey ain’t got no flash ca’s, ‘as dey?  Dat’s definitely somefin we’s got ‘a change, cos fock’n Jason Stafam don’ go droivin’ round in some piddly fock’n wank wagon, now duz dey?  Now, win we soy e’s gonna be loike da Treashya a da Sierra Madre in oww dat, wut we mean e’s dat oy’s gonna be droivin’ round inna fancy sazz wagon wif me shir’ off, when oww uvva sudden oy sees dis fit Mexican bird, roight?  An’ before you know it we’s goin’ onna search fa da fock’n lost gold, an’ rippin each uvva’s clothes off an ‘avvin a go at each uvva onna bafroom floor an’ oww dat, dja know whut oy mean?  An’ ‘en some fock’n blokes come, ‘an dey troy ta taike a treashya, so oy staaht smashin’ bugga’s oww ovva da bloody plaice, coz oy’s fock’n Jason Stafam, oy ain’ gonna bloody weww sit ‘ere an’ play fock’n Choinese Chek’uhs, now ees oy?

Diablo Cody Parody – Hey, I think they’re trying to make Diablo Cody seem annoying by making their parody really annoying.  Great work! (video after jump, in case the link doesn’t work)

Whoopi Cries – The View chicks complain about Whoopi’s exclusion from the hosts compilation segment of the Oscars and suck her ass for like 10 minutes until she cries.  I cried too, but only because I’m sad someone as stupid as Sherri Shephard has a job.  (Notice that when Whoopi asks her if she thinks the world is flat, she actually has to pantomime “flat”) 

Zombie Plagiarism – George Romero’s company is suing Capcom for Dead Rising, an Xbox 360 game they say is too much like Dawn of the Dead.  If zombies are suddenly subject to plagiarism laws, this will be the first of roughly fifteen hundred billion suits. 

Transporter Becomes Trilogy – “Moy naime ees Chev Chelios an todoy’s da doy oy doy."  Wrong movie?  Oh. I still don’t care. 

Bourne Identity Becomes a Fourlogy – There were only three books, and director Paul Greengrass and star Matt Damon both promised there would only be three movies.  Damon even said jokingly that a fourth would have to be called The Bourne Redundancy.  But then a producer said, “Here’s ten million dollars, now bark like dog, faggot!”  and so he did.