I don’t care if this YouTube video has 400,000 views, I hadn’t seen it and it’s Halloween weekend and this is my site so suck it. This guy’s Bumblebee costume would be awesome simply for looking like that and for having flashing lights. But the best part is, he can actually transform into a car. The sad part is, that means he (or whoever actually made it) spent way more time figuring out the actual logistics of this than anyone on the Transformers movies.
MICHAEL BAY: MAKE ME A FOUNTAIN PEN THAT TURNS INTO AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER, AND BRING ME A LATTE!
Megan Fox and Michael Bay have been engaged widely-publicized affair in which they flirt with each other through the media. But apparently, the Transformers crew has taken to the internet to set the story straight, because they don’t understand flirting. Which, if you think about it, is what you’d expect from a group called “The Transformers Crew.”
[Via ONTD (original source was apparently Bay's official site, but it's since been pulled)]:
This is an open letter to all Michael Bay fans. We are three crew members that have worked with Michael for the past ten years. Last week we read the terrible article with inflammatory, truly trashing quotes by the Ms. Fox [sic] about Michael Bay. This letter is to set a few things straight. Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy. Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses’ [sic] life. He told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled ["oogle" isn't a f'cking word, a-hole. -Ed.] women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina – second thought – she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelia is a professional. [ho snap!] We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies. We’ve spent a total of 12 months on set making these two movies. We are in different departments; we can’t give our names because sadly doing so in Hollywood could lead to being banished from future Paramount work. One of us touches Megan’s panties, the other has the often sh’tty job of pulling Ms. Sour pants out of her trailer, while another is near the Panaflex camera that helps to memorialize the valley girl on film. Megan has the press fooled. When we read those magazines we wish we worked with that woman. Megan knows how to work her smile for the press. Those writers should try being on set for two movies, sadly she never smiles. The cast, crew and director make Transformers a really fun and energetic set. We’ve traveled around the world together, so we have never understood why Megan was always such – the grump of the set?
(Bay keeps pressing the “make boobs bigger” button. He takes that remote everywhere.)
Megan Fox and Michael Bay need to cut it out with this flirting-via-the-media stuff. You’re not fooling anyone, you two, just screw already. Anyway, here’s Megan Fox in a recent interview with Wonderland Magazine in which she compares him to Hitler. If that’s not a thinly-veiled “I want to F you,” I don’t know what is.
What are your most favourite and least favourite things about working with Michael Bay?
MF: God, I really wish I could go loose on this one. He’s like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. ["I wish I could be completely honest here, but I really have to bite my tongue and compare him to Hitler." -Ed.] So he’s a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he’s not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he’s so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it’s endearing to watch him. He’s vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he’s a tyrant. Shia and I almost die when we make a Transformers movie. He has you do some really insane things that insurance would never let you do. [via MovieLine]
Reached for response, Michael Bay pointed at his crotch and said “Hey, Megan, I think my Ferrari could use another wash.” Then everyone laughed at gilded butterflies.
“So then the gilded butterfly says, ‘Well, I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!’ I’m tellin’ ya, that bug’s alright.”
The Shanghai Daily reports that an obsessed Transformers fan has been drinking gasoline in an effort to be more like his favorite robots.
The 14-year-old boy began to drink gasoline to become a “valiant fighter” like “Optimus Prime,” his father told the newspaper. “He began to drink gasoline five years ago, when we found he liked smelling lighter fuel,” he said.
The boy’s mother owned a grocery stall, selling small goods such as lighters. In 2004, she often found lighters missing two or three days after she’d bought them. She later found that her son had been stealing them.
The parents talked to their son and asked him not to do it again. “But afterwards we found our motorcycle’s gasoline was always disappearing, and one day when we found the boy had drunk a half bottle of gasoline stolen from the motorcycle, we were too shocked to say anything,” the father said.They locked the motorcycle away after that but the boy began to steal gasoline from neighbors and was drinking more and more - two or three bottles at a time. “Since my son started to drink gas, his IQ has dropped sharply and now he can’t figure out simple addition and subtraction,” the father said. “Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he does not know the answer of 7 plus 17.” [SD via /Film]
Reached for comment, Michael Bay said, “I’ve said all along that I don’t make movies for the critics, I make them for 14-year-old boys who’ve been drinking leaded gasoline and don’t understand math.”
Fresh off the news that he’s won a spot in the Guiness Book of World Records for directing “the biggest explosion on film with actors present,” reports say Michael Bay has filmed his last Transformers movie and has had enough of big-budget blockbusters.
Bay says he’s sick of receiving negative reviews from critics who dislike his movie-making style and is determined to move away from the genre. He says, “It’s easy to go shoot an art movie in a winery in the South of France. But people have no idea how hard it is to create something like Transformers. They review me before they’ve even seen the movie.”
And Bay admits that if film bosses give the go ahead for a third Transformers movie, they will have to find a different director. He adds, “After the three and a half years I’ve spent making these movies, I feel like I’ve had enough of the Transformers world. I need to do something totally divergent, something without any explosions.” [movietickets - note: I'm not sure how reliable this source is]
Michael Bay trying to live a life after explosions would make a classic fish-out-of-water reality show. It would be like when Superman gives up his powers in Superman II, or that old State sketch where an aging pornstar becomes a gas station attendant, and keeps pulling the nozzle out and spraying the gas all over the hood. It’ll be like that except with Michael Bay going, “What do you mean I can’t bring my tiger in here? Now the chaps are just going to look ridiculous. Yeah? Yeah? Same to you, buddy. I wouldn’t let my tiger crap in this dump.”
