It’s strange how little we’ve heard from Haley Joel Osment since he was the next big thing back in the late 90s. Even Frankie Muniz’s name would occasionally be in the news when he was Twitter-beefing with Shia LaBeouf (and who could forget the infamous Muniz-Labeouf Twitter beef of 2010? Certainly not me!), but Haley Joel? Hardly a peep! Well now he’s back, and by back, I mean starring in the kind of indie movies he has been for the past few years now, but this time as a flamboyant gay man in a film called “Sassy Pants.” See? That’s how you get the public’s attention.

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If you watched Amanda Seyfried in 2011’s Red Riding Hood, thinking, “Eh, this is OK, but I could use more violent girls flashing their boobs and werewolves acting all rapey” then you’re in luck, because Japan already heard you loud and clear. Red Sword reimagines the classic “Little Red Riding Hood” tale just a little bit differently than Hollywood’s most recent version.

Long, long ago, there was a wolf-man tribe who had no women. All through history these desperate wolf men have attacked and raped female humans as a way to continue their species. But the wolf men have a terrible legend where every hundred years, on the night of a red moon, a little girl is born and she is destined to destroy the wolf-man tribe. The lecherous wolf men are so afraid of females that they have developed a code which requires they kill baby girls soon after they are born. But only the lovely Beniko Akatsuki survives this terrible fate.

These days, Beniko fights endless battles against the wolf men. Poor Beniko’s mother was ruthlessly raped by a wolf man and gave birth to Beniko. To save her baby girl, Beniko’s mother had to sacrifice her own life. Now, Beniko wears a memento of her beloved mother, a red riding hood, and she has dedicated her life to killing all the wolf men. One day, Beniko senses that the evil wolf men are sneaking into a high school. The clever Beniko pretends she is a school girl and starts attending school, only to find vicious, horny pack of female-deprived wolf men. Beniko protects her fellow school girls as she fights them off with her sword and her red riding hood.

Will the brave, sexy Beniko Red Riding Hood be able to finally kill the vicious pack of sex-starved wolf-men? (Via Gamma Squad and Twitch)

So not only is the Japanese version about the sword-wielding product of werewolf-on-human rape, but she also pretends to be a high school student, flashing her boobs all over the place, because these werewolves are only into schoolgirls. I have to say, I’m just a little bit disappointed in the predictability, Japan.

Very NSFW trailer after the jump. How NSFW? It asks your age for verification and you CANNOT lie to the Internet.

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*ahem* MEGAN FOX NAKED MEGAN FOX NAKED MEGAN FOX NAKED! …Sorry, I have to do that for Google search purposes. I hope you understand. Anyway, after the jump I’ve got the trailer for Friends with Kids, the unofficial Bridesmaids reunion starring Kristin Wiig, Jon Hamm, Chris O’Dowd, and Maya Rudolph, with Adam Scott, Megan Fox, Ed Burns, and Jennifer Westfeldt (who also wrote and directs) along for the ride. The plot? “We’ve replaced their ‘Benefits’ with ‘Kids.’ Let’s see if anyone notices!”

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Here’s Miley Cyrus starring alongside Demi Moore and Ashley Greene in the mother-daughter something something tween whatever, LOL. It’s kind of a double entendre because Miley plays a character named “Lola” who goes by “Lol” (pronouced Lowell). Also, this is neither here nor there, but Clint Eastwood’s pet squirrel is also named Lola. Also, I think Megan Mullaly should change her name to Megan MuLOLLERCOPTER.

“If he kisses her on the lips, it means he’s cool being your boyfriend.”

Hmm, I’m pretty sure those rules only apply to hookers.

FYI, it never shows whose ass that is. Oh boy, I hope it’s a tween!

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When it was announced that Billy Crystal would host the Oscars after Brett Ratner got fired for calling everyone a fag and Eddie Murphy went with him, the world responded with a resounding “meh.” It was as if they’d already skipped to the fourth step of Billy Crystal: acceptance. But the Oscar producers couldn’t have people not excited about the Oscars. That just wouldn’t do! So the lead producer called a special meeting in his war room deep in the bowels of show business headquarters. He looked his flunkies in the face. No one had any ideas! That’s when he took a long drag on his electronic cigarette and said purposefully, “…Bring me Duhamel.”

The awed flunkies muttered in unison, “You mean… The Charismanator.”

The chief hit a giant red button on his desk, and that’s when this video was made.

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