Opening this weekend (trailers after the jump):
Twilight Saga: New Moon
Were you aware? I think it’s based on a book or something.
The Blind Side
I’ve heard from semi-reliable sources that this movie is actually good, but I refuse to believe it. No way a film with the exchange “That boy’s changin yer lahfe.” “Nope. He’s changin’ mahne” can possibly be taken seriously. Purtend the quarterback’s yer new white momma, Mike!
Planet 51
It’s an animated kids movie about aliens, from the aliens perspective. Probably great if you’re 8 years old, or trying to entertain 8 year olds. Their little arms are so hard to pin down sometimes.
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
Possibly my favorite movie of the year, you can read my review here. It opens today in New York, LA, Chicago, DC and San Fran. In five days it will be out in Boston, Philly, Dallas, San Diego, Seattle, and Phoenix. If you live in one of those cities, go see it, or else Werner Herzog will strangle a newborn kitten and Nic Cage will have to sell his dinosaur skull.
In Remember Me, Robert Pattinson stars alongside Pierce Brosnan, Chris Cooper, and Emilie de Ravin, who manages to be 1000 times less annoying in this than she was as Claire on Lost, when all she did was whine and cry and pout and yell and oh god I hated her.
Robert Pattinson plays Tyler, a rebellious young man in New York City who has a strained relationship with his father (Pierce Brosnan) ever since tragedy separated their family. Tyler didn’t think anyone could possibly understand what he was going through until the day he met Ally (Emilie de Ravin) through an unusual twist of fate. Love was the last thing on his mind, but as her spirit unexpectedly heals and inspires him, he begins to fall for her. Through their love, he begins to find happiness and meaning in his life. But soon, hidden secrets are revealed, and the circumstances that brought them together slowly threaten to tear them apart.
Well it’s a good thing he did this film. It would’ve been a shame to see him get typecast as the broody emo who always falls for the wounded dove type. Who bites her lip to indicate attraction.
After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for Bitch Slap, but to be honest, I’m giving you the best parts with these screencaps. It seems to be a movie about tits, but apparently these tits went to college and got all uppity or something (that’s why I only date dropouts).
BITCH SLAP is a post-modern, thinking man’s throwback to the “B” Movie/Exploitation films of the 1950’s - 70’s, as well as a loving, sly parody of the same. Inspired by the likes of Dragstrip Girl;, Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill; Kung Fu Nun and the pantheon of Blaxploitation films, BITCH SLAP will mix girls, guns, outrageous action and jaw-dropping visuals with a message… don’t be naughty! [Apple]
A post-modern tits and violence movie, eh? I guess that means I have to roll my eyes derisively while I ‘bate. Oh, and full disclosure, Mr. Skin says this one contains only ‘brief nudity.’ Pass. I’m not saying nudity’s the only reason to see a movie — it’s not the dark ages, you can get fetish porn at the public library now — just that when you take away the promise of nudity in this one, you’re left with horrible acting and warmed over Tarantino references. Note: ‘Campy’ is not the same thing as ‘funny’. Have you ever camped? It sucks. You basically drive out to the woods and pretend to be poor.
People haven’t been too hot on the Benicio Del Toro/Anthony Hopkins Wolfman movie, probably because it began by changing directors, later dropped Danny Elfman as composer and hired someone else, and most recently brought in two new editors to recut it. That much studio meddling is usually a bad sign. According to Benicio’s Playboy interview, the main difference between Mark Romanek’s vision and new director Joe Johnston’s was that in Romanek’s, the Wolfman was a conflicted character, whereas in Johnston’s he’s more of a good guy with a terrible curse like in the old Lon Chaney Jr. version.
Anyway, it opens in February and this is the latest international trailer and poster. It still looks good to me. I mean, not shirtless-ethnic-temptation-wolves-battle-the-sparkling-vampires-of-white-virtue good, but still, pretty decent.
Jeff Bridges stars in Crazy Heart, a film already drawing comparisons to The Wrestler. It’s still got a guy singin’ about a three-legged dog on a one-way road to nowheretown, only this time, he’s the main character.
Bad Blake is a broken-down, hard-living country music singer who’s had way too many marriages, far too many years on the road and one too many drinks way too many times. And yet, Bad can’t help but reach for salvation with the help of Jean (MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL), a journalist who discovers the real man behind the musician. As he struggles down the road of redemption, Bad learns the hard way just how tough life can be on one man’s crazy heart. [Apple]
I’m not sure if The Dude is supposed to be Merle Haggard or Waylon Jennings, but either way, I think by “salvation” they mean “a way younger chick’s vagina.” It’s the American dream.
