Caught up in yesterday’s news that Channing Tatum will star in an American Revolution spy tale, Love and Honor, we almost missed today’s debut of the trailer for Tatum’s The Eagle (formerly The Eagle of the Ninth), which tells the story of the son of a Roman general who embarks on a journey to retrieve a stolen gold eagle in 140 AD. Once again, my good buddy C-Tates agreed to swing by and give us some insight on The Eagle, which hits theaters on February 25, 2011.

Yo girl, check it… Madness? DIS! BE! C-TATES! Haha, like dat free hundred movie, right? For realz, ya boi C-Tates gots mad sh*t poppin’ right now, wit Da Dilemma ridin’ durrrty in Janurry and Da Eagle gettin’ crunk in Februrry. So checks it, girl. I’m playin’ Marcus Aquila, which is legit cuz Marcus is like a brotha’s name and Aquila is all Spanish, right? So I gots mad respek in da hustle game. But dis joint take place in ancient Rome, which is like Italian and sh*t so I gots to be like, Yo girl, suck on deez meat-a-balls. But da producers wasn’t down wit dat flavor so they was like, Yo C-tates, you so fine and sh*t, you ain’t need no accent and you gonna win like 10 muthaf*ckin’ Source Awards. Haha, I added dat last part, boo.

So like, me and my slave, played by Jamie Bell, we go lookin’ 4 dis Eagle statue, but I know what u thinkin’, right? Jamie Bell ain’t no hot chicken head. Homeboy’s a dude, legit, wit his fruity name and sh*t. But he ain’t play, for real. He tries to whoop C-Tates ass, but I’m all like, YO SON, U RECOGNIZE, C-TATE BEEYOTCH! ARF! BACK DA F*CK OFF ME, WHAT! TRU SOULJA 4 LIFE! Yo girl, u can check da High Definition trailer 4 Da Eagle at Apple or you can watch some YouTube after da jump. Then u can polish my apple, haha just playin’. But 4 realz, let me see dem titties.

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If you haven’t been hanging around these parts for too long *points to crotch*, then you may not be familiar with Vince’s super duper favorite Buried, starring Ryan Reynolds. It’s a movie about an American contractor, who is kidnapped in Iraq and wakes up to find himself in a wood box with a lighter, a cell phone, and the realization that he’s beneath ground. Hence, Buried. Genius, right?

Lionsgate has released the full-length trailer for Buried, which is amazing because I feel like this movie was released years ago and has been available on DVD for as long as it has existed. But it indeed hits theaters on October 8, and we can all rush to our respective cinemas to watch Ryan Reynolds flex his abs and spit wry one-liners for however long this film lasts. Then an eagle will swoop in and fly away with our good taste.

Contradict our fearless leader, First Showing:

Because the entire movie takes place inside of the coffin, Lionsgate had to be very creative with this trailer, because they don’t want to show too much of it since there’s only so much that’s in the movie anyway. That said, I think this is a perfect trailer to tease audiences and provide a sense of the intensity of Buried, which I can say will probably end up as one of my favorite movies of the year.

Vince has the advantage of having seen the movie at Sundance or Funpants, whichever film festival he attended earlier this year, but for my virgin ears and eyes just experiencing anything regarding this movie for the first time, I have to say it sounds like a shouty, huffy and puffy good time. I like to think that if I were kidnapped and buried in the desert with a cell phone, I’d call old girlfriends and ask them inappropriate questions and make perverted comments about what I’m doing to myself. Because I’ve learned that harassing spoiled white girls will get you found every single time.

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This is the trailer for The Taking of Pelham 123 which is actually a remake of a 1974 film about a subway hijacking starring Walter Matthau. In this latest version, John Travolta and Denzell Washington play a couple of regular, working-class Joe Wifebeaters.  You can tell by their facial hair, you see. Anyway, this movie looks pretty boring.  But you know what wouldn’t be?  An Asian kid named “Denzell.”  Think about it.

Fanboys is the many times delayed, much-discussed film about a group of guys who break into George Lucas’ Skywalker Ranch to steal a print of Episode I for a dying friend. I won’t get into to the behind the scenes squabbles because they’re boring and mostly involve unattractive people, but suffice to say it opens February 6th 2009 after originally being set for August 2007.  The film also features Kristen Bell in a slave Leia outfit, which is apparently a selling point for some people. So far she seems to me like another Jessica Alba, someone who’s cute but not nearly hot enough to justify how uninteresting I find her.  She also appears to about three apples tall.

Having not seen this movie yet, I give it two “Mehs” and half a dismissive wanking motion.

See what I did there with the headline?  I know, pretty clever, right?

After the jump I’ve got the full trailer for Beer for My Horses, co-written, produced, and starring Toby Keith.  Keith plays a truck-drivin, wigger-batin’, small-town Deputy named… wait for it… Rack Rattlin, paired with an inept partner played by Rodney Carrington.  Get it?  It’s funny because it’s comfortably familiar!

Braindead dipshits like Toby Keith are nothing if not predictable, so the antagonists are naturally Mexicans.   Go git ‘em, Toby, they took yer jobs!  Of course, hijinks ensue and Toby makes sure to act real tough in the hopes that maybe people will forget his name’s Toby. I can’t wait!