You may have forgotten about it by now, but as of this time last year, producers Jerry Bruckheimer, David Ellison, and Paramount were pretty hot and heavy on the idea of a sequel to Top Gun, centered around drone pilots in Nevada (ROBOT MURDER PLANES!). What they couldn’t have predicted, however, was their director, Tony Scott, throwing himself off a bridge in August. Now, according to the NY Times, the sequel has “fallen apart.” But they do still have a 3D conversion of the original that they’d originally been working on as a way to promote the sequel, and while Top Gun 2 may have died with Tony Scott, Top Gun 3D is an unkillable monster that, once awakened, must feed on the money of the living.

Now that the sequel has fallen apart, Paramount and its partners are left with a 3-D film that might be perceived by moviegoers as a tribute to a director whose death remains a mystery to many friends and associates. It might also become a final box-office triumph — but only if the studio can reach the audience without seeming insensitive or exploitative.

Oh, you mean like those totally non-exploitative Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston movies? Since when has the movie business cared about being insensitive? Get the Jurassic Park people to build an animatronic Tony Scott chomping cigars in the theater lobby, people will love it. (Myself included, Robo-Scott sounds awesome).

“Titanic” in its 3-D format had about $342 million in ticket sales around the world, with a conversion cost of only about $18 million.
The response was driven partly by a powerful reception in China, where the film opened to $67 million in first-weekend business from a pool of 3-D capable screens that is still growing.
“Top Gun” — which had about $354 million in worldwide ticket sales, split evenly between domestic and international — seemed a natural candidate for conversion, especially with the potential for a sequel.
Mr. Scott contributed and responded enthusiastically to the conversion in the weeks before his death, according to people who were briefed on the project.
People briefed on the studio’s deliberations said it was considering a release in February, perhaps beginning with a one-week exclusive showing on domestic Imax screens. [NYTimes]

The complicating factor here is that the biggest markets for 3D conversions are China and Russia, but whereas Titanic was a story about timeless love on a sinking oceanliner, Top Gun is a homo-erotic brodown about shooting down Commies. So I guess the question is, do you change the Russians to North Koreans a la Red Dawn, or to aliens a la Battleship? Only time will tell.

You see, this is why I always get angry when people say the reason they think Reagan was so awesome was because he ended the Cold War. What was so great about ending the Cold War? The Cold War was the best thing that ever happened to us. Back then the bad guys had planes.

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It would’ve been nice to know Tony Scott had inoperable brain cancer when he jumped off the San Pedro bridge – at least that would’ve been an explanation. But like farts being funny, it’ll just have to remain unexplainable because all he had in his system was anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Maybe it was the star whackers.

Director Tony Scott was not suffering from cancer and did not have any serious underlying medical conditions — including cancer — at the time of his suicide, chief coroner investigator Craig Harvey said.
Los Angeles County coroner’s officials released their final cause of death in the 68-year-old’s suicide, finding that he died of multiple blunt-force injuries after leaping from the Vincent Thomas Bridge. The director also had therapeutic levels of the sleep aid Lunestra and the anti-depressant Mirtazipine, also known as Remeron, in his system, according to results of toxicology tests.
Harvey told The Times that investigators found no pre-existing conditions in Scott, based on both the autopsy and medical records.

Harvey said investigators interviewed Scott’s family, but the discussion shed no light on the suicide.
Several of Scott’s associates told The Times that the director had mentioned back or hip problems in the months prior to his death, but many said they had no indication it was anything other than business as normal for the director-producer.
“He was completely on a high — laughing and energetic,” said Elizabeth Gabler, whose Fox 2000 studio division made “Man on Fire” and was developing Scott’s next film, “Lucky Strike.” They were scheduled to discuss script notes on the morning after he died, she said. [LATimes]

Low levels of sleeping pills and anti-depressants – basically what you’d expect from someone considering offing themselves. And you won’t get this advice from a doctor, but there’s no sleeping pill or anti-depressant stronger than suicide.

Okay, so I use the term “report” loosely, as it comes from TMZ, but they say Tony Scott’s suicide note did NOT hint at any motive for his suicide. It contained only a series of frownie face emoticons. Okay, not really.

Tony Scott did not explain why he decided to take his own life in the suicide note he left for loved ones … but did offer a final emotional farewell … TMZ has learned.
Sources familiar with the investigation tell TMZ … the note was “short and sweet.”  Tony said in the note he loved his wife and his 2 kids — Max and Frank.
We’re told Scott’s wife has not told investigators about anything that might have triggered a suicide, although as we first reported she did tell investigators Scott did NOT have brain cancer or any other significant medical problem. [TMZ]

Star whackers, dude. They killed David Carradine, framed Randy Quaid, made Tony Scott jump off a bridge, and convinced the world that Phyllis Diller’s BASE jumping accident was natural causes. Either that, or some questions just don’t have answers.

This is neither here nor there, but the best way to tell whether you’re a sh*tty tabloid is if someone commits suicide, you use the saddest-looking picture of them you can find. Guy beats his wife? TMZ has the picture of him, a maniacal look on his face as he violently tries to slap ketchup out of the bottle.

After director Tony Scott jumped off the Vincent Thomas Bridge in Long Beach on Sunday, a lot of us were like “Huh, maybe he had cancer or something,” because it’s nice when people who commit suicide have a reason. Brings logic to a chaotic universe and all of that. So then when ABC reported half a day later that “a source close to Tony Scott” told them that Scott had been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer, we were all like, “well sure, that makes sense.” Except now, according to TMZ, it wasn’t true.

Tony Scott did NOT have inoperable brain cancer, or for that matter brain cancer at all  … this according to Scott’s family.
TMZ has learned … Scott’s wife told investigators the rumor that Tony had inoperable brain cancer is “absolutely false.”
Although the autopsy results have been deferred pending more tests, our sources say there is no evidence of brain cancer. [TMZ]

Hmm, well are your sources doctors who were involved in the autopsy? Because if they’re just random people off the street or, like, bus drivers or something, I’d be less inclined to believe them. In fact, why don’t you give us a hint as to these sources are? I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but we kind of got burned on the whole “unidentified source” thing recently.

NEXT UP! TMZ and ABC’s anonymous sources battle to the death in an invisible cage of ambiguity! Will someone survive? Will an unidentified entity perish? Is John Travolta gay? NO ONE KNOWS AND WE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TELL YOU! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT…

[Picture source: NewsDaily]

UPDATE: Cancer rumor debunked.

Like a lot of people, one of my first thoughts when I read about Tony Scott’s suicide was whether he had some kind of terminal illness. Now ABC reports that “a source close to [Scott]” tells them that the Top Gun director had recently been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer.

Tony Scott, director of “Top Gun,” “Days of Thunder” and “Crimson Tide,” had inoperable brain cancer, a source close to him told ABC News.

The famed director died Sunday after jumping from a bridge in Los Angeles, authorities said. [ABC]

And… that’s pretty much all we know so far. People like to call suicide “the coward’s way out,” but getting diagnosed with brain cancer and immediately jumping off the tallest bridge you can find (“without hesitation”, according to police reports) sounds pretty damned manly to me. I’m not saying everyone who gets cancer should kill themselves in dramatic fashion, but Tony Scott jumping off the Vincent Thomas Bridge definitely sounds a lot more mature than whatever I would’ve probably done. I’m reminded of Patton Oswalt’s bit about obituaries:

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