Paramount released this new publicity still from Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, starring Tom Cruise, Paula Patton, Simon Pegg, and Jeremy Renner, from director Brad Bird (Ratatouille), opening December 21st. Here we see Cruise’s Ethan Hunt grilling Renner’s Brandt on whether there are indeed gays in there.

This Christmas… Justice wears white pants.

The news today for Tom Cruise’s latest project, Rock of Ages, is that Saturday Night Live’s Will Forte is joining the cast of this Broadway-to-big-screen musical adaptation. Forte joins Cruise, Russell Brand, Alec Baldwin, Bryan Cranston, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Malin Akerman’s super hot self, among others, for this star-studded celebration of the Tony-nominated musical.

Cruise is playing 80s rock superstar Stacee Jaxx and you can see from the image above that he’s hardly sacrificing his trademark manliness that he’s so well-known for these days. Don’t you worry about that, friends, because his woman, Katie Holmes, says that he’s still a boss.

“Two years ago he took me up on his P-51 Mustang, a fighter plane from World War II. He painted the words, ‘Kiss Me, Kate’ on the side,” Holmes says in the August issue of InStyle. “It feels like you’re on a bike in the sky. I thought, I’m either going to spend this whole flight totally freaked out or realize this is pretty thrilling.” (Via People)

When they landed, Katie wrapped her arms around Tom’s neck and moved in to kiss him, but he pulled back and said, “Stop it! You’re messing up my scarf!”

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The trailer for Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (one colon, one dash, no number) just hit the web, and it has all the thrills, chills, and Eminem rapping about Tom Cruise one could possibly hope for. Directed by Brad Bird of the awesome The Incredibles and Ratatouille, this one stars Cruise (you may remember him doing his own stunts on the Burj Khalifa in Dubai) alongside Jeremy Renner, with Josh Holloway, Tom Wilkinson, and Simon Pegg in supporting roles. The actress attached to the boobs below is Paula Patton.  She looks nice, but frankly I think this could’ve used a spicy Latina or two.  I bet when Michael Bay saw Tom Cruise rappelling down the tallest building in the world on the same day his movie about Josh Duhamel wingsuiting off the Sears Tower hits theaters, he crushed the Monster Energy Drink he’d been sipping, stroked the purring snow leopard in his lap, and silently swore revenge.

"Are you ready to rock???" "AS LONG AS THERE AREN'T ANY GAYS IN THERE!"

Here’s the first picture of Tom Cruise in Rock of Ages, an adaptation of the Broadway musical of the same name in which Cruise plays heavy metal singer Stacee Jaxx.  Co-starring Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand, Rock of Ages comes from criminally under-recognized hack Adam Shankman, who started his career as a choreographer, then made The Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez, then was allowed to direct six more movies.  It’s one of the all-time great Hollywood success stories. Rock of Ages centers around a love story between characters played by Diego Boneta and Julianne Hough, set during “the rock music scene of 1987.”  Said Shankman of casting Boneta:

“It’s that feeling you get when you realized you’ve discovered lightning in a bottle,” Shankman just told me about Boneta’s audition. “It reminds me of when Zac Efron auditioned for Hairspray, Channing Tatum for Step Up and Liam Hemsworth auditioned for The Last Song. When the guy walks in, the guy walks in!”

This is going to be worse than Chernobyl.

Just to save you some time, the best quote in this story is “Cruise has always been interested in the Reacher series.”  Well sure, long as there aren’t any gays in there.  Anyway, the story is that Tom Cruise is in negotiations to play “former military policeman-turned drifter” Jack Reacher in One Shot, from writer-director Chris McQuarrie, based on the book series by Lee Child.  This may prove difficult, one because Tom Cruise isn’t a very good actor (exceptions: Magnolia, Collateral), and two because he’s only three apples tall in high heels.

Fans of the Reacher book will have to absorb this development, because Cruise is very different physically from the bruising tough guy who has created mayhem over 15 bestselling novels that have sold 40 million copies. In the books, Reacher is 6’5,” about 250 pounds, and when you are on the business end of his clenched fists, you are most likely going to be spitting out teeth and getting fitted for a cast or two.

Wait, do fists have a non business end?  Oh, Mike Fleming, don’t ever change.

So what if he’s not as tall and beefy as Reacher? I’m told that the author himself is excited about Cruise playing the role, that Cruise personifies the qualities Reacher displays in the books. “Reacher’s size in the books is a metaphor for an unstoppable force, which Cruise portrays in his own way,” Child said when he threw his support behind the move.

Headline it, NY Post: “Child behind Cruise as beefy jack reacher.”  See also: “Child’s beefy jack reacher gets cruisey in new movie.”

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