Reader Mo spotted this Twilight parody in Austin. Because Austin is Austin, a plumbing store there apparently decided to turn their shop window into a Twilight parody, Toilight: Breaking Wind. Cheap wordplay is one thing, but I appreciate them going the extra yard and putting vampire eyes on the toilets and arranging them into a triangle. Put some abs on that toilet and he’ll be stealing roles from Taylor Lautner.

The crazy thing about Twilight toilets is that you can’t poop in them until you’re married. You just have to hold it and hold it, until it’s driving you crazy, and then when you finally do consummate the poop, the porcelain smashes everywhere and the toilet gets pregnant with your poop. But then the poop is so big and strong that it won’t go down to the septic tank and you have to cut it out yourself, and that’s when Taylor Lautner falls in love with it. Taylor Romantic, right?

After the jump you’ll find an awesomely creepy commercial for a Korean bidet by Woongjin called a "LooLoo."  Malarky, or effective way?

A guy I know was visiting coworkers in Korea and found one of these bidets in their bathroom (as opposed to in their living room, which is where I keep all my bidets).  He says the buttons were confusing, and certain buttons would actually change the fragrance of the water.  

Right there I’d be jumping through a shoji screen like the Kool Aid Man and yelling obscenities on my way out of that house, but not this guy.  He had to investigate further into this fragrance option.   He said none of the scents were familiar to him.  None of them. 

The LooLoo is going to replace Lisa Rinna’s lips in my nightmares.

I need to go look at a picture of chisled hunk Bruce Greenwood to forget this.  Oh, Bruce, I wish I could quit you. (No I don’t.) - RoboPanda