Pic via PacificCoastNews.com

Despite looking like a wiry speed freak who drinks hair gel and snorts embalming fluid, Brian Grazer is one of the biggest-name producers in town, and normally the type of guy who lets his movies do the talking. But today it’s starting to make a lot more sense that he hangs around with Brett Ratner.

Sidenote: Is this the best TMZ headline of all time?

‘Apollo 13′ Producer Brian Grazer — Fatass Man-Nanny Made My Kids Racist
Legendary producer Brian Grazer wants to strip his ex-wife of nanny-hiring powers — claiming the last “manny” she hired was a fat slob who turned their kids into little racists.
Grazer — who divorced his wife Gigi back in 2009 — filed the declaration in new legal docs, claiming the 20-something-year-old man she hired to look after their sons (aged 9 and 13) was the worst possible influence imaginable.
According to the docs, the manny in question was terribly educated, disrespectful toward Grazer and others, used extremely foul language and was also a racist.
Grazer says the manny resigned a few weeks ago, but Grazer still believes the bad habits have rubbed off on his kids.  The legal docs do not give specifics about the offensive things the manny and the kids said.
Grazer — who pays Gigi $40,000 a month in child support — also wants more visitation.

I was going to make fun of him for expecting his nanny to be educated, but for $40K a month you could hire a Harvard Professor. What do they play with in the tub, yachts?

Brian Grazer looks like exactly the kind of guy who would marry someone named “Gigi.”

So this happened yesterday.

Pope Francis has already become a superstar back in his home country of Argentina … and when he returns, he’ll have Alotta Fagina waiting there to congratulate him … TMZ has learned.

We spoke to Fabiana Udenio — the Argentinian-born actress who played Fagina in “Austin Powers” — who says she’s bursting with pride over the papal election.

“Catholic people in South America are very passionate people and I think this will be good for the spiritual side of the religion because it may attract more passionate people to join the religion,” she said.

Fagina added, “[The people of South America] are less jaded by the skepticism brought on by the scandals that have burdened the Catholic church in the past.”

The actress says she’s excited to see how an Argentinian will shake things up in Italy — “The fusion of both cultures will be a great thing for Catholics everywhere.”

Groovy baby … yeah. (TMZ)

Yep, that happened in 2013. Anyway, I like to think it went down like this…

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The upside of being a pornographer is that you can pull any cheap publicity stunt without worrying that it’s going to ruin your brand. Actually, does anyone worry about that anymore? I digress, but so it is that YouPorn is publicly offering $150,000 for the photo purportedly depicting a vintage Schwarzenegger sex act that was discovered in an abandoned storage locker once owned by Bob Guccione this week. I absolutely love typing that sentence, by the way. “Abandoned storage locker once owned by Bob Guccione” is an eight-word Raymond Chandler novel.

Via, who else, TMZ:

A photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger caught stark naked in the throes of passion is worth roughly $150,000 — AT LEAST — so says a really popular porn site … and it wants to buy the pic RIGHT NOW sight unseen.
TMZ broke the story … a financial entrepreneur named Jeremy Frommer purchased storage lockers once owned by deceased Penthouse founder Bob Guccione — and found a treasure trove of historic erotica, including unpublished nude photos of Madonna, Lauren Hutton, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Now, YouPorn.com wants to acquire the pics — in order to publish them online — and has already sent Frommer a letter, offering $150,000 for the whole lot.
YouPorn is specifically interested in the Schwarzenegger pic, which reportedly shows the former Mr. Universe nude in the act. YouPorn writes, “Let’s face it. The real value here is in Schwarzenegger’s ‘Schwanz.’” And you don’t need a translation to know what that means.

If the real value is little Arnold Schwanzenegger, I have a Google Image search that may interest you. This picture (NSFW) is real, right? I can’t find anything to say whether it is or isn’t, but YouPorn should probably pay me $100 grand just in case. I’ll even throw in this vintage picture of Burnsy and me relaxing between posts at Uproxx headquarters:

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Last week, 23-year-old Shelden Stephens (only recently identified) came forward to accuse Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash of having a sexual relationship with him back when Stephens was 16. But then Stephens recanted his story, saying the affair occurred when they were both adults, with TMZ reporting that Clash had settled with him for $125 grand (a story as old as time). Well now, Stephens says he was pressured into settling and will gladly forfeit the money so long as it ensures that the truth is out there. Relax, Mulder, I think we all know what happened already.

We’ve learned Stephens has met with lawyers in Los Angeles and told them he was pressured into recanting his allegation and insists he’s telling the truth when he says he had sex with Clash when he was 16.

Stephens — who is now 23 — is telling lawyers he will gladly forfeit the $125,000  to restore his name.  Stephens is saying he was literally crying during the final negotiations and repeatedly said he didn’t want to sign. [TMZ]

I’d like to see Arnold Schwarzenegger play this guy in the movie adaptation. “Hey, Clash, remember when I said I lied? I lied.” (*drops $125K off cliff*)

I used to think it would be awesome to be gay because you wouldn’t have to deal with women and their fickleness and their constantly-changing moods, and them bringing up something you did five years ago every time you get in an argument. Now I’m starting to wonder if the only real selling point is all the butt sex.

Fire at will, Arnie.

TMZ reported yesterday that Terminator 2 actor Edward Furlong, now 35, was arrested on Tuesday for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend, and it was a confusing read at first, because I had just assumed he had been in jail this whole time for drugs or whatever, but apparently I was wrong. I blame myself for letting my subscription to Actors Who Destroyed Their Lives Before 30 Digest.

According to TMZ…

Edward Furlong was released from an L.A. jail last night following his domestic violence arrest — and he looked like a harbinger of death on his way out, wearing a Halloween-appropriate skull t-shirt.

The troubled “Terminator 2″ star was released around 6:30 PM on $50,000 bail.

Police are still deciding whether or not to press criminal charges, but this is Los Angeles, where actresses can run over small children, drive hammered wasted and high on cocaine and play real-life Spy Hunter on the L.A. freeways without a driver’s license, and they’ll actually be assigned someone to do community service for them. So there’s a strong chance that Furlong will receive a commendation from the mayor.

But if I can, I’d like to take a moment to talk to the ladies here for a new segment I’m calling FilmDrunk’s Female Fortune Telling (or something more clever).

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