"What's the deal with people always going like this to you?"

Last week, I told you about Dane Cook’s allegedly disastrous drop-in set at The Laugh Factory (a story the AV Club broke), in which he discussed how he’d “chainsaw f*cked a disgusting whore’s c*nt,” and was derided for his “misogynistic, cruel, and arrogant” set by a number of fellow comedians, notably TJ Miller. I rarely trust other people’s accounts of comedy, or of disgusting whores’ c*nts, but with three or four other comics saying essentially the same thing, it seemed credible. And yeah, comics can be jealous and bitchy, but they’re also reliant on one another for shows and don’t usually talk about other comics bombing during drop-ins, at least not publicly.

Well now Dane Cook has issued his response (via LaughSpin), which you can read below. SPOILER ALERT: It’s not that funny, but probably not deserving of hatred, and everyone’s going to hate it.

“I’m back in the stand up octagon after a year off. I’m deeply inspired by various artists I admire. Certainly my friend and one of the great ones Patrice O’Neal passing away has fortified my belief that we, as comedians, all need to share and explore our souls up there — and sometimes our perspective on the whimsical minutia — in order to grow as artists and people.”

“I’ve always felt that comedians can’t be critics. They can be critical onstage, but it’s impossible to be both an artist and a critic.”

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Before this descends into the usual Dane Cook-bashing, I feel compelled to say that I do have some sympathy for the guy. Joke-stealing aside, he had a few okay bits, and if you’ve seen a lot of comedy, all things considered, you’d probably call him above-average. Then he got famous way too fast and it showed, and everyone hated him for it, and I’m not sure it was entirely his fault. He was more overexposed than terrible. (There are worse – have you ever seen Ant?)

Anyway, he stopped by the Laugh Factory for a drop in last night, and apparently it got ugly.

There were some, like Daniel Kinno, who found themselves bumped so that Cook could take the stage for as long as he wanted while he worked out new material, a raw process of discovery that Kinno describes thusly: “Watched him spiral for 45 minutes before I left. Could have been worse, he could have done his act.” YouTube star Jenna Marbles was slightly less charitable or pithy, saying, “Dane Cook took a sh*t on everyone. Might as well have been literally.” And stand-up comic and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon writer Ali Waller provided a more specific appraisal, saying, “Glad Dane Cook stopped by the Improv tonight, otherwise I’d never hear the story about how he ‘chainsaw-f*cked’ a ‘disgusting whore’s c*nt.’” [via AVClub]

To be fair, “chainsaw-f*cked a disgusting whore’s c*nt” is decent wordplay. And if he’d actually sh*t on everyone literally, he’d be hailed as an Andy Kaufman-level subversive genius. WHAT, BRO? THIS IS ALT COMEDY!

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(Yes, the bear eats the script.  I’m hard right now.)

Comedian T.J. Miller twice unsuccessfully auditioned for a part in the Yogi Bear movie, but thanks to this video audition he sent in, he scored the biggest casting coup since “Hey, Malkovich, think fast!”

What better way to win the role of Ranger Jones in the Yogi Bear movie than to audition with a bear? That’s exactly what comedian T.J. Miller decided to do after auditioning twice and still feeling like he needed that extra something to rise to the top. Actually, T.J. made the video with director Jordan Vogt-Roberts as a joke, but it got into the hands of Barry M. Meyer, chairman of Warner Bros., who enjoyed it while most likely chortling loudly through a thick cloud of cigar smoke [and later offered Miller the role].  [ScreenJunkies/TheApiary]

I’m not sure how talented Miller is, but that bear is a star!  His ad lib grunts are so perfect, you forgive the fact that he keeps eating the script.  I’ve heard the same thing happens with Kathleen Turner.  I kid, I kid.  But seriously, more actors should try this.  For one thing, because bears are awesome, and for another, there’d be a few less starving actors in Hollywood.  And a few more full bears.

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