Friends, I love nothing more than writing intelligent parody, critical analysis, and cultural criticism for you, and I hope that’s what keeps you coming back, but every once in a while I’m more than content to let the content flash its boobs and soak up page-views speak for itself. Here’s Sofia Vergara’s magnificent, lace-covered breasts in New York yesterday, where she was filming Fading Gigolo with Sharon Stone, which is being directed by John Turturro, and co-stars Woody Allen and Liev Schrieber. Sweet, all the pervs are here.

Fioravante decides to become a professional Don Juan as a way of making money to help his cash-strapped friend, Murray. With Murray acting as his “manager”, the duo quickly finds themselves caught up in the crosscurrents of love and money.

Every time Sharon Stone films a sex scene, I have to wonder if it involves a bathtub full of pee. Maybe she got nicer after her husband got bit by a Komodo dragon? I don’t know. Also, has anyone seen Romance & Cigarettes, John Turturro’s musical with James Gandolfini? It looked… strange. Anyway, long-story short, BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! (*puts on foam cowboy hat, dances jig, fires two pistols into the air, which light a giant banner made of sparklers reading “BOOBS!” as skywriter flies by in biplane*)

Also, question for Spanish speakers: “Verga” is Spanish slang for penis. So couldn’t “Vergara” be taken to mean “penis handler” or “one who works with penises?” “Penis charmer,” perhaps? These are the things that keep me up at night.

[more pics at TheSuperficial]

From the folks who brought you The FP and Klown comes yet another batshit-looking release called Miami Connection. Boob gifs. Mullets. Kung Fu. Synth pop. Florida. This I promise you, this post has everything.

Drafthouse Films, the film distribution arm of the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, announced today their acquisition of North American rights to explosive ’80s martial arts gem Miami Connection. Directed by 9th degree black belt philosopher/author/inspirational speaker Grandmaster Y.K. Kim, the film tells the story of fearless synth rock band Dragon Sound as they embark on a roundhouse wreck-wave of crime-crushing justice in the streets of Orlando. Now in HD from elements sourced by the America Genre Film Archive (AGFA), Miami Connection will have its official re-launch screening at this year’s New York Asian Film Festival on Saturday, July 7th (with Grandmaster Kim in attendance) and will return to cinemas, home video and debut on digital platforms in Q4 of 2012.

I know I say this all the time, but you had me at “crime-crushing justice on the streets of Orlando.” And if that doesn’t convince you, perhaps this gif will:

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………..

Whoa, what happened? I just zoned out for like an hour. Anyway, I guess there’s a new Three Stooges trailer? And there are like… dudes in it? Seriously, bro, I don’t know. That’s just what I heard.

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Starring Christopher Lloyd as kooky scientist, Gary Busey as crazy guy who eats piranhas, Ving Rhames as black guy with guns for legs, and David Hasselhoff as David Hasselhoff, the trailer for Piranha 3DD appears below. The big question coming into this was whether the franchise would be able to soldier on without original director Alexander Aja under replacement John Gulager. The entire trailer consists of women getting either water or fish shot at their boobs, butt, and vaginas, so it looks like fears were unfounded. Unless you’re a vagina, in which case, be very afraid.

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Kate Upton has a bit part in the Farrelly Brothers’s upcoming Three Stooges movie, so obviously everything she does is totally relevant to a serious film site such as this. But what am I saying? I’m sure I don’t have to justify these things to you. You guys, you guys get it, that’s why I like you. Anyway, Kate Upton has made a fine career out of having giant boobs that she can make jiggle when she walks, and finally someone has given them a supercut, which they call “Kate Upton Bouncing: The Supercut.” You can watch it below. It’s truly impressive, most girls just get an up-and-down bounce, if they’re lucky, while Kate has figured out a way to make both boobs not only jiggle and bounce up and down, but also gyrate side to side and twist almost independently of each other. Now if you’ll just let me get my compass and protractor out, we can make a fine graph of their pitch, roll, yaw, initial impact, amplitude, rate of jiggle, and other important statistics. (*pours test tube into beaker*) KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

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