I was just about to break for lunch when FilmDrunkard Jessica sent me the above clip, which prominently features Angela Lansbury’s camel toe, as if I needed help building up an appetite. It’s not really film-related per se, but it’s a pretty well-crafted mashup of Lansbury talking sex and doing yoga, Zsa Zsa Gabor (with Titan from American Gladiators), and the Dancin’ Grannies. Be sure to watch until the 2:07 mark when one mature sex feline tells us what she might do “if Burt Lancaster ever came a-courtin.” It’s pretty funny if you imagine him riding a rascal scooter with a carnation in his lapel. (And not so much if you picture her huge, grey muff. But then funny again if you picture her huge, grey muff with a carnation in it).
Penis… So confused…
The TV-to-film adaptation we’ve all been waiting for is finally here. No, not Arrested Development, dumbass, American Gladiators. I mean, no one in their right mind could watch that show and not think “Hey, this should be a movie!”
The film will be based on the TV show that first aired in 1988 and has been on the air every year except one during the past 20 years. Most recently, NBC aired a primetime installment in 2008. The show has aired in more than 90 countries, with the format adapted for the local market in 14 of them [in the Mexican version they shoot tacos instead of tennis balls -Ed.].
Former Legendary Pictures chief marketing officer Scott Mednick is producing “American Gladiators.” The goal is to create an action story that takes place inside the world Ferraro has created. “I look forward to creating a compelling story that launches a whole new set of characters,” Mednick said. [Variety]
Sources close to the project are describing it as “Like Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, except super gay and with giant Q-Tips.”
According to /Film, Mike O’Hearn, aka Titan from American Gladiators, has “passed auditions” for the role of Conan the Barbarian, and is “sitting down with producers this morning.” (I hear that’s also how he pees). He also says he’s auditioning for Captain America next week, and I’m sure someone who looks like this would never lie.
O’Hearn’s something of a physical renaissance man. He’s a four-time Mr. Natural Universe winner, a four-time California Power Lifting champion, a two-time winner of the Iron Warrior: Decathlon of Strength Strongman competition and a California judo champion. He acts, writes and produces. He played defensive tackle in college. He’s appeared on nearly 500 magazine covers across the world, and he’s the cover model for a series of romance novels. Basically, he can kick your butt every day of the week and look damn good doing it. [The Emory Wheel]
You know, it’s pretty easy and probably redundant to call an American Gladiator gay (and I mean gay in the dude-you’re-a-fag sense, not as in actually homosexual, which is fine by me). But if ever there was a creepy-looking homo, it’s this creepy-looking homo. It’s weird enough that he’s so roided out his body looks like a condom full of walnuts, but when you add a completely smooth, shiny face and a fluffy, flaccid, blow-dried mane to the mix it’s pure nightmare fuel. He looks like a lesbian, but also like he wants to rape me. But what would he rape me with? That’s what’s so scary!
Hey, let’s invite Lou Ferrigno down to the set of American Gladiators! And then we’ll paint Titan green and make him act like the Hulk! And then we’ll use green filters on all the cameras! And then we’ll make them fight with big soft stand ins for penises! The loser gets all wet! And then everyone will flex at each other! And then… hey, why is my poop green! And how come there’s condoms in it! And why don’t I remember how I got home last night! Why’d Titan buy me all those Jägr shots!
