Check out the new international trailer for Hitman here.

In the last week before it’s release, Hitman has a new international trailer.  I know it’s based on a video game and all, but dare I say it, it looks kind of good.  Granted, I found the mere fact that they didn’t cast Vin Diesel or any wrestlers or rappers and the trailer didn’t feature any music by Korn, Linkin Park, Disturbed, etc. pleasantly surprising. 

It’s sad that I’ve come to assume that any movie that features prominently the tits and fire factor will treat its audience like WWE enthusiasts.  

Of course, it is still about a killer who has an attack of conscience because of a girl…  Pff, chicks, man.

In related news, I called up some Asian chicks I know and we’ll be making a porno remake of this called Agent 69. 

A while back, the rumor going around was that Fox had taked control of Hitman away from director Xavier Gens.  Despite denials from Fox, Hitman star Timothy Olyphant made recent statements implying Gens was fired.

When asked whether Gens was there for the re-shoots, Olyphant replied, "He’s involved. I saw him when I was there [doing the reshoots] but he did not direct the reshoots. I heard the talk on that, that he was fired. I kept saying I was trying to get that guy fired for months. They finally fired him? Fuck! I was saying that forever. He doesn’t speak English, didn’t anybody see that?" [Source]

Though sources say Olyphant seemed to be joking about that last part, his hatred of foreigners became clear when he asked an Asian reporter for "sucky sucky" and pushed a Hispanic busboy down a flight of stairs.  Yes, the press conference was at a restaurant, what’s so strange about that?

Anyway, if these rumors are true, it’s a big-time disappointment.  I expect one thing and one thing only out of a video-game movie: auteurship.   

The new poster for Hitman has Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant) sporting a shaved head and a gun he borrowed from T.I.

That’s right, silencers are this fall’s hottest accessory.  I for one am all for them; it makes it easier to kill hookers without waking up grandma.  But it also showcases another recent trend, sideboob. 

I applaud the makers of Hitman for giving us real-life, flesh and blood sideboob, just like mom used to make.  Unlike those A-holes behind Beowulf.  If I wanted pixellated nipples, I’d play Grand Theft Auto or watch Tentacle Porn.    

"Video game adaptation" is right up there with "full cavity search" and "Jonathan Taylor Thomas" when it comes to bile inducing three-word-phrases.   Still, even I have to admit that the trailer for Hitman looked kind of cool.  Plus, all that opera kinda makes me want to nail a fat chick with pigtails.  Or maybe just Bugs Bunny dressed as a fat chick with pigtails.

Anyway, the latest news is that, according to TwitchFilm, 20th Century Fox has taken Hitman out of the control of director Xavier Gens, who supposedly made an explicit, gore and head-shot-filled R movie; and put it in the hands of Nicolas De Toth.

Who’s De Toth?  He’s the man behind the edit of Live Free Or Die Hard, a job he was hired for specifically to turn in an entirely bloodless version of the film and word is that this is his task with Hit Man as well. [sic]

Gosh, I’m glad they’re sanitizing all this violence so that young children can see it.  Otherwise they’d grow up much too fast.  Like me, the first couple times I shot people in the face with a shotgun, I was confused when they didn’t turn all grey and smokey with their bills on the wrong side and little birdies flying around their head like Daffy Duck; they pretty much just laid there without a face and bled to death.  It took four or five times of this before I finally saw the birdies. And that, my friends, was the day I became a man.