The trailer for Redbelt, David Mamet’s ode to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (it’s like a Brazilian wax but with more arm locks) starring Chiwetel Ejiofor (Chuy, for brevity’s sake) and Tim Allen, is now online.  It opens in April.

Watch the trailer here

You know, one thing I always liked about the rise of MMA and the UFC was that it cut through all the kung fu-karate eastern mysticism bullshit and proved that fighting wasn’t about who could quote the most cryptic passages from The Art of War. So I’m a little curious as to how David Mamet (who wrote The Untouchables, Wag the Dog, and Glengarry Glen Ross among other things) spent months studying Jiu-Jitsu and MMA and still wrote a movie that looks basically like The Karate Kid.  A reluctant martial arts master forced to compete by circumstance?  Oh my God, it’s so fresh, so innovative!  This could only happen in the world of mixed martial arts! 

Not to mention, fucking Tim Allen’s in it.  What’s his entrance music, “Here Comes Santa Claus(e)”? 

Robert Duvall has been cast alongside Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases.  A movie in which “a couple struggle[s] to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas Day.”

That’s right, Vince Vaughn is doing another Christmas movie.  Hey, I like Vince Vaughn.  He’s got that Bill Murray quality going for him where he can even look good in a crappy movie, like Made or The Break Up.  But dude, Christmas movies?  Has there ever been a good Christmas movie?  Nothing can make elf ninjas work.  Especially not campy elf slapstick (okay, hyperealistic elf gore might work).  Doing Christmas movies is like starring opposite a monkey, or someone from Blue Collar Comedy.

Ask yourself this, Vaughn: do you want to become Tim Allen?  Even my neighbor Phil the dyslexic burn victim* would kill himself if he woke up as Tim Allen.

*Who has a terrible sense of humor, btw.  Seriously man, get over yourself. 

According to Variety, Tim Allen will be receiving the Rodney Dangerfield Legacy Award at a charity even in Beverly Hills this October. 

It's funny, I always thought Rodney Dangerfield's legacy would have something to do with being funny, or being a kick ass old man, or even having your cock out in public.  Someone out there apparently thinks it's taking every turd you're offered, paving the way for Larry the Cable guy, or ratting out your coke dealer buddies to avoid jail time.  

(Obligatory "no respect" reference here).  Having your namesake award go to Tim Allen is right up there with having Street Fighter dedicated to your memory.  Let it be known that if I die tomorrow, I want my legacy award going to Kurt Russell, a true pants-free American hero.