Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming: The Dark Knight Rises And Hope Springs Eternal

Written by Morton Salt / 12.04.12

His soulful eyes will follow you around the room.  Especially if you are looking at this on a smartphone or tablet.

The Dark Knight Rises is out today on DVD and Blu-ray and nothing else matters. Still, I know most (all?) of you have seen it and might want to know what else has come out today, so I’m back, providing you with all you need to know when you ultimately decide to just watch Batman again anyway.  Other flicks you won’t actually be watching this week include new films from Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugh Jackman, and two films with Jennifer Garner.  We’ve got movies that will make you laugh (if Meryl Streep trying to fellate a banana is funny to you), movies that will make you cry (if you are a little kid) and Beasts Of The Southern Wild, a critical-darling  that Vince wasn’t very fond of.  There are films about butter and psycho Santas and professional athletes who believe in magic.  There’s super elves, some spooky VHS tapes, and even a Christmas movie with a talking dog!

The DVDs:
The Dark Knight Rises
Hope Springs
Butter
The Odd Life Of Timothy Green
Beasts Of The Southern Wild
Silent Night
Thunderstruck
Elf-Man
V/H/S
Hemingway
Alps
Last Ounce Of Courage
Reel Evil
12/12/12
A Vampire’s Tale
The Magic Of Christmas II

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

One of these flicks stars a dude from Jackass as a superhero.  The only way to find out which one it is is to continue reading. Another one of these movies has vampires in it.  You might assume it’s A Vampire’s Tale, but you can’t be sure unless you continue reading.  If you want to know which film makes little kids cry -you guessed it, continue reading.  If you want to make me cry, just skip all the DVDs and go right to the Netflix streaming suggestions.  There’s a link right above this paragraph, if that’s how you want to handle things.  For my money (literally), you’d be much better off just clicking the ‘Continue Reading’ link that’s just below this paragraph.  You’d get to the streaming suggestions eventually, and there’s no reason to rush.

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Weekend Movie Guide: A Premium Rush, Eh?

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.24.12

"Stand back, miss, he's overdosed on exposure."

Opening Everywhere: Premium Rush, The Apparition

Opening Somewhere: Sleepwalk With Me, Thunderstruck

Opened Wednesday: Hit & Run

FilmDrunk Suggests: I strongly recommend The Expendables 2 if you haven’t seen it yet. In fact, here is the review that I submitted to Fandango after seeing it last weekend:

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Did Shaq Teach Us Nothing? Kevin Durant Made A Horrible Movie

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.08.12

UGH. That’s about all I can say about this. I mean, I’m sitting here pulling for the Oklahoma City Thunder to win the NBA Finals, regardless of which team comes out of the East, and now that I’ve seen the trailer for Thunderstruck, I might be reconsidering that. Kevin Durant is making his acting debut in this story of an NBA star who transfers his talent to a goofy white kid when they touch a basketball at the same time.

Seriously.

Well, you can guess how it all goes. The goofy kid, who looks like Justin Long’s sister, becomes the coolest guy at school when he takes the basketball team all the way or something. And then the hot girls suddenly dig him, because “OMG, he’s a douchebag but he can ball”. But poor Durant, he sucks now so his team and career are doomed. So they hilariously try to switch back and it doesn’t work and Durant just lets the kid have his talent, which is exactly how it would happen in real life.

There’d be no corpses in a Louisiana swamp at all.

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