Give ‘Em Hell, Malone is Thomas Jane-starring, throwback action movie full of dizzy dames and dudes in fedoras, which will look to find a distributor at Cannes.  It looks sorta like a live-action Dick Tracy, but R-rated and without Madonna this time. And it could be either really good or really bad, depending on how much you like lines like “Cry me a name,” and “Suck my Sinatra.”

Honestly, there are twelve million euphemisms for penis. Why would you make up a new one that’s neither visual nor sounds cool? Even ‘Suck my Sammy Davis Jr.’ would’ve made more sense than that. Sammy Davis Jr. at least had one eye.

_{Malkovich ruins the shitter again}

The Mutant Chronicles has a new trailer out and you can watch it after the jump.  It stars John Malkovich, Ron Perlman, and Thomas Jane.  Thomas Jane seems to have quite the fan club, though I’m not sure why.  Has he ever been in a good movie?  Anyway, this basically looks like Armageddon with mutants.  And mutants are basically like zombies but more athletic.  And Ron Perlman is basically John Malkovich crossed with a shar pei.
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I just saw The Wrestler last night and believe the hype, because that movie rocks balls (review to come).  After that, I think I’d watch Mickey Rourke paint a house (if only I had a time machine to five years ago).  In Killshot, he stars opposite Joseph Gordon-Levitt Hyphen, Thomas Jane, and Diane Lane, as a hitman for the Toronto mob.  For some reason that makes me imagine the following exchange:

DETECTIVE: He’s a contract killer for the Toronto mafia.

FRIGHTENED WOMAN: The Toronto mafia?

DETECTIVE: (Whispering) They control the moose racket.

Thomas Jane, star of the not-Dolph-Lundgren version of The Punisher, will be making his directorial debut with the 3-D noir flick, The Dark Country.  Ron Perlman (Hellboy) and Lauren German (Hostel 2) are attached to star.

The thriller concerns a couple who find their honeymoon to be a hellish adventure. Pic has just begun shooting in Albuquerque, N.M.  [Variety]

I guess that could mean anything from vampire bounty hunters to the wife having undesirable genitals (yeah, or husband). Or maybe it’s just a remake of Honeymoon in Vegas.  Nic Cage’s forehead has been described by some as a hellish adventure. 

I sure hope my honeymoon is a hellish adventure.  Otherwise this pentagram on my scrotum is nothing but a conversation piece.  And that would make me sad :-(

Semi-related update: Hellboy 2 has some new concept art.  Guillermo Del Toro can Pan my Labyrinth any day.