Casting Updates:

According to Variety, Rihanna will be making her acting debut in Battleship, the Peter Berg-directed, Universal-Hasbro co-production based on, yes, the board game. Set to co-star Alexander Skaaaaåaårsgååärd of True Blood and Taylor “The Canadian Gambit” Kitsch, last we heard, the premise was an international, five-ship fleet engaged an intense naval battle with… aliens.  They don’t say what role Rihanna will play, but I’m guessing a super-hot special forces agent, or a nuclear physicist in tight leather pants.  Or perhaps the admirella, ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh this sucks.

Tom Hardy has replaced Sam Worthington opposite Chris Pine in This Means War.  Sounds good so far, right?  Bursting onto the scene with Bronson and following it up with Inception, Hardy has been getting near-universal rave reviews for his acting, not to mention being total dreamboat.  For his part, Pine managed to out-lovable-rogue Shatner as Captain Kirk in Star Trek, no small feat.  And now for the bad news.  This is a McG project. Here’s what we knew last time I wrote about it, when Seth Rogen was being considered for the role:

The story follows two best buddies whose friendship is put to the test when a woman moves into their spare room. As they fight for her affections, New York City is literally left demolished in their wake — including such landmarks as the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty.  Rogen and Pine are being considered for the role of FDR (a character named after the late President because his parents had high hopes for him) — after James Franco officially passed [and Brad Cooper dropped out because of a "scheduling issue."] TheWrap

If the world were fair and you went into a pitch meeting and said, “Hancock and My Super Ex-Girlfriend meets Bride Wars as directed by McG,” you’d leave covered tar, feathers, and stab wounds, like after a Danny Trejo barbecue.  Just say no, Tom.

To varying degrees, Seth Rogen and Chris Pine (Kirk in the Star Trek movie) are both actors I respect whose work I enjoy (*gives self melvin for being earnest*).  So why the hell would they do a terrible McG movie opposite Reese Witherspoon?

Seth Rogen and Chris Pine are among the actors being sought to star opposite Reese Witherspoon in the 20th Century Fox comedy “This Means War,” TheWrap has learned from an individual familiar with the project.  McG is attached to direct.
The story follows two best buddies whose friendship is put to the test when a woman moves into their spare room. As they fight for her affections, New York City is literally left demolished in their wake — including such landmarks as the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty.
Rogen and Pine are being considered for the role of FDR (a character named after the late President because his parents had high hopes for him) — after James Franco officially passed [and Brad Cooper dropped out because of a "scheduling issue."] -TheWrap

Hmm, let’s go down this signs-of-a-crappy-movie checklist I scrawled on an empty take-out box:

• Bad cutesy rom-commy title?  Check.
• Lame, campy, regular-people-are-super-villains/spies premise? Check.
• Famous New York City landmarks are destroyed?  Check.
• McG is directing it?  Check, mate, and nachos.

Run, gentleman.  Run as fast as your brittle actor bones can carry you.

(Good job, Brad Cooper, you don’t want a baby growing in that womb)

An actor pulling out of a project isn’t huge news in itself, but at a time when plenty of leading men should consider firing their agents *cough* Gerard Butler! *cough, cough*, I thought it’d be nice to focus on someone making a good decision for a change.

Bradley Cooper has pulled out of McG’s next film, a romantic comedy called This Means War.  The July start date for the Fox romcom overlapped with the start of The Hangover 2. Reese Witherspoon is still attached.  Fox has had this one for a long time; it was originally intended as a Martin Lawrence film. The movie revolves around two best friends, inseparable since childhood, that fall in love with the same woman (Witherspoon) and go to war against each other. THR says the “ensuing battle escalates to mammoth proportions, with New York City demolished in their wake.” [/Film]

Yeah, you had me at “a Fox rom-com from McG.”  It sounds like Bride Wars meets Charlie’s Angels.  Please, someone lead this one down to riverbank and put a bullet in its skull.

(Wouldn’t want to cheat the ladies out of shirtless Brad Cooper)

Hollywood Reporter‘s story about McG’s latest project today was accompanied by this rollover ad celebrating the special edition DVD release of  Air Bud: Golden Receiver. Which is fitting, as McG makes movies the way dogs play football (excessive drooling and sh*tting).  Anyway, his latest project sounds great.  It’s from a script called This Means War which has been floating around since ’98.  Ahh yes, romantic comedies, they age like fine wine.

Bradley Cooper and Reese Witherspoon are attached to star in the tale of best friends who are also spies and fall in love with the same woman (Witherspoon). The men’s bond disintegrates, and their ensuing battle escalates.

*record scratch*

*mouth fart*

*dismissive wank*

*football to the groin*