HAD YOU HEARD? MICHAEL JACKSON IS JESUS.

09.14.09 Written by Vince Mancini

This is the trailer for This Is It, the posthumously cobbled-together concert rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson, ‘directed’ by High School Musical‘s Kenny Ortega. Michael Jackson was a very important person, because, as this trailer reminds us, “His dreams inspired the world.” It’s true. A lot of people don’t realize, the first page of the bible says “And on Day Zero Michael Jackson had a dream about the world, and God spake unto himself, ‘Sh’t, Michael, that’s a good idea!’ Yadda yadda yadda, now we have snuggies and Easy Cheese, and sh’t is pretty awesome.”

Here’s what actually happens in the trailer: Thriller fades in. CUT TO: Michael Jackson’s first appearance, accompanied by celestial opera music.

-”There’s Michael.”
-”The man is here.”
-”We’re all here because of him. And may that continue. With him leading the way.”
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COMING SOON: PRESERVED MJ CORPSE TOUR

09.09.09 Written by Vince Mancini

This is the poster for This is It, the movie made from footage of Michael Jackson’s rehearsals for the concert tour he never did, which will play for two weeks starting October 28th.  I admit it’s kind of a cool poster, if you can ignore the whole blatantly-capitalizing-on-the-man’s-death, from-the-director-of-High-School-Musical aspect of it.  It also promises Michael Jackson “like you’ve never seen him before.”  Now, I know that’s a cliché and thus easy for stupid people to type, but… really?  Michael Jackson?  Dude’s had three cameras on him practically since birth.  You promise MJ “like we’ve never seen him before” and you better have footage of him drinking a 40 on the sh’tter.

Look for tickets wherever Slim Jims are sold.

[via Yahoo]

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SONY JUMPS ON MICHAEL JACKSON GRAVY TRAIN

08.17.09 Written by RoboPanda

Vince reported last month that Sony paid $50 million for 80 hours of Michael Jackson’s rehearsal footage.  According to Rolling Stone:

The Michael Jackson estate and Sony Pictures Entertainment announced today that This Is It, a film comprised of rehearsal and behind-the-scenes footage of Jackson preparing for his 50-concert run at London’s O2 Arena, will be released in movie theaters on October 30th.

[...] the deal with Sony was contingent on multiple factors. First, the film is required to be no longer than 150 minutes and must secure a PG rating. [Ed. - I wouldn't go to a 150-minute PG movie if they were giving out free blow jobs and oxycontin.]  Also, the film can in no way show Jackson in a negative light [Ed. - *dismissive wank motion / dick helicoptor combo move*], and a final cut must be presented to the Jackson estate by October 2nd.

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