Requisite Plug:  This week’s comments of the week winner gets This is It, the critically-acclaimed Michael Jackson concert movie, now available on DVD and Blu-Ray.

Well, ‘Drunkards, it’s that time of the week again.  I’m pretty sure this week’s winning comment needs its own Wikipedia page, but you have to admit it was inspired.  Courtesy of The Mighty Fek’lhr, it’s kind of like what would happen if a guy who pretends to be a Klingon on the internet became a Juggalo and sent out a YouTube message to people who comment on FilmDrunk.  …Yeah.  From Farther Down the Juggalo Rabbit Hole:

Fek’lhr says:
*turns on webcam*
Yo, it’s the Erswi420 and FekMeUpMyAss show, straight dope phat monosyllabic WORD out to the Juggalettes. Hope that rash clears up. Word out to our homey 69NomMyD*ck, you is wicked f*cked up in the county shower, homes.
Got to give a special qovlpath to some hataz.
Yo, Rooster.  Don’t matter how much He and da Ers talk about gay sex, you are the one who likes it. QOVLPATH.
Yo, Trish. Youz a baktag. Your mutha has a smooth forehead and you consort with Romulans dat gots crabs and sh*t. QOVLPATH.

Yes.  Like I said, that probably needed annotations in order to be understood, but credit where credit’s due.

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Welcome to today’s box office wipe up, now consisting almost solely of movies I don’t care about.  Robert Zemeckis 3D motion-capture thingie A Christmas Carol was number one with $31 million, though the studio was hoping for more like $35 or $40.  It remains to be seen whether this is a harbinger of an eventual stinker or whether it will continue to play through the holidays. It’s pretty ballsy to expect people to be thinking about Christmas before Thanksgiving, and I’m just waiting patiently until this whole stupid mo-cap experiment is over.

This is It landed at number two and everyone says it’s great and blah blah blah I’m never going to stop hearing about this am I.  Men Who Stare at Goats opened decently at $13 million, which is more than half its estimated budget.  I actually want to see it I just haven’t gotten around to seeing it yet, in case you wanted to know.  I’m very busy you see.

The Fourth Kind beat Paranormal Activity for the four spot, but while Paranormal is close to the $100 million mark, The Fourth Kind will be lucky to make $30 mil.  The Box, from Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly, basically bombed at $8 million.  Something about it makes me not care. On the indie front, Precious opened big, earning $100,000 per location.  I heard Robin Quivers talking about it on Howard Stern this morning and she said it was “torture” and “why don’t they just take the audience out behind the barn and shoot us.”  The gist was, “I don’t have to watch this torturous movie to know some peoples’ lives are horrible”.  That was basically my impression from the trailer, but now you’ve heard it from someone who’s actually seen it, and a famous African-American radio personality at that.  Join me next week for a box office wipe up post that might actually be funny.  No promises.

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In people buying songs they already have news, the soundtrack to This is It hit number one on the Billboard charts this week, selling 373,000 copies.  Nothing against people wanting to own the soundtrack, I guess, the songs are still good.  But to everyone who rushed out to see the movie or who really wants to see the movie or thinks the movie is great, go ahead and line up behind white guys with dreadlocks, people who listen to techno in car, people who own TapouT gear (Tommy TapouTs), and the viewership of Two and a Half Men.  May we never have to hang out.

[video via SecretSauceTV]

(The premiere was truly a tard-studded affair.)

Did you really believe Sony all those times they promised This is It would only run in theaters for two-weeks?  Aw, that’s cute.  You probably believed the doorman outside the nearly-empty club when he said he was making you wait outside because of “fire codes.”  And if his place looks a little more popular because of you that’s just a coincidence, right?  Look, just don’t buy coke off the bathroom attendant, okay?  Trust me.  I’ll tell you about all these scams and more if you’ll just step inside my windowless van.

Now the film will play through Thanksgiving weekend in the United States. Canada and most international territories will be announcing extensions of various lengths soon. In a press statement, Jeff Blake, the chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment Worldwide Marketing & Distribution, explained: “In just 5 days, Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT has become the highest grossing concert film of all time and we are elated by the response to this special film by fans, critics and moviegoers from all over the world. With this kind of global response, it’s clear that the motion picture deserves an extended run and we are going to do everything we can to make the film available to everyone who wants to see Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT on the big screen.” [DHD]

“Because of the overwhelmingly sub-par opening of the film we tried to artificially stimulate advanced ticket sales for, we’re breaking all our promises in the hopes of making more money off a dead guy.  No one expects us to tell the truth anyway.  It’s because we have no integrity, you see.”

[picture source]

Just last week the This is It people were crowing about their movie being the third-highest advanced ticket seller of 2009, and AEG (the concert company) predicted it would make $250 million in the first five days.  Domestically, it made $21.3 million for the weekend, which is less than Funny People made and that was considered a bomb.  It was the number one movie of the weekend, but it was also the only major release, so it basically had no competition. Worldwide five-day total: $101 million.  Which if you’re doing the math at home, is a lot less than $250 million.  Less than a third if my numbers serve me… carry the one… aw crap I hate myself.

Elsewhere, Paranormal Activity continued to kick ass and may eventually get to $100 million.  Couples Retreat and Law Abiding Citizen both held well, proving that mediocrity still holds sway, I guess.  Meanwhile, Where the Wild Things Are fell another 63.8%, meaning it’ll have to try to earn back its $100 million budget on DVD.

Astro Boy and Cirque Du Freak are bombs.  Guess kids are too young for a character that looks like Bob’s Big Boy, and maybe a kids movie with a French title wasn’t the best idea.  Shocking, I know.

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