The MTV Movie Awards will air on June 6, but since MTV doesn’t air the show live, we’ll know the winners of the “awards” within a week of the show. And since MTV promises the big awards in exchange for star power *cough, Tom Cruise, cough* it’s safe to say that the winners have already been determined for convenience. But that won’t stop rising actors and actresses from doing as their publicists tell them to and act excited to be a part of it.

MTV posted an “article” on the main Movie Awards website, and it’s so awesome and insightful that it took three writers to complete. The focus is on District 9 actor Sharlto Copley and Avatar’s Stephen Lang, both of whom were nominated for “who cares” and *shrugs shoulders*, respectively. Of his nominations, Lang told MTV: “I think these awards are cool, and to get two nominations is just a gas.” What a coincidence… *fart noise*.

Remove a couple ribs and get down, MTV:

A South African native, Copley has a long history of watching the show and made a point of thanking fans for giving him a chance to take part in the action. “I’m very surprised but very grateful to the MTV and ‘District 9′ fans that voted for me,” he said. “It really — the MTV Movie Awards were the kind of awards that I like, the only real award ceremony over the years in South Africa that I actually did watch whenever I could. It’s a real honor. It also actually shows that our film ended up in the pop culture.”

Hate to bust your bubble, Sharlto, but it’s not a real award show. On the totem pole of ceremonies, the MTV Movie Awards is below the Kids Choice Awards. The Hollywood Foreign Press thinks MTV’s show is a joke. I’m not completely full of hate, though. I’m sure Aziz Ansari will be very funny as the host, which will suck because not one person in the audience will understand intelligent wit.

But then Jack Black will come out and do a cartwheel into a Twilight cake and Ellen Page will make a dry comment like, “Looks like he had his cake and ate it, too” and the whole place will go apesh*t.

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Less than a week after Nia Vardalos called her 13%-recommended-on-RottenTomatoes movie My Life in Ruins “the highest-testing movie in Fox Searchlight history,” she’s back in this new trailer for I Hate Valentines Day (which she wrote and directed), which promises to be the Citizen Kane of Kate Hudson turd ripoffs.  Vardalos plays a strong, sassy know-it-all New Yorker who doesn’t believe in love and sucks at acting.  The voice of TGI Friday’s plays Joe Regular, the average schlubnik trying in vain to win her heart by being adorably boring.   But after a few dates (*RECORD SCRATCH*) could it be SHE who’s falling for HE??  I’d rather slam my nuts in a car door than find out!
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I’m seriously impressed with this video.  Katherine Heigl? Colin Hanks? Making out?  You better believe it.  I didn’t even know they were on a show together.  Why couldn’t have it been shot inside a volcano?  Throw in some crappy YouTube editing and a song by that guy from Nickelback, and wow, whoever made this, you clearly have a direct line into my subconscious.  It’s so perfectly full of things I hate, and not even the first things that I’d think of, like techno and hipsters, it’s like stuff that I hate that I forgot even existed, like soy smoothies and that cocky asshole Josh.  Anyway, to whoever made this, well done, and may we never hang out.

[Thanks to Burnsy for the tip]