(picture source)

One of my favorite Greg Giraldo moments was when he lost it in the middle of Larry the Cable Guy’s roast, stopped telling jokes, and just screamed HOW THE F*CK ARE YOU SO POPULAR?! I wish Greg Giraldo was still alive now more than ever (along with Patrice O’Neal), to lose his mind over the news that Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy, and Bill Engvall are planning a $200 million theme park in Alabama called “Blue Collar Country.” I don’t know why Ron White’s not involved, but I’m trying not to think too hard about this lest my sleeves fly off of their own accord.

The Foley, Ala., locale, titled Blue Collar Country, has been described by Foley mayor John Koniar as Branson, Mo., meets Six Flags.

Construction has yet to begin, but the roughly 500-acre development is expected to include hotels, retail, an RV resort, rides, a 100,000-square-foot events center (for concerts, sporting events and conventions) and restaurants including a Foxworthy-themed steak house, an Engvall fish spot and a Larry the Cable Guy rib joint.

Ooh, and don’t forget the Prilosec OTC sunburn tent…

Phase one of the project will cost about $200 million, which will come through a combination of bonds, grants and institutional financing, say sources, plus local and federal tax credits. If all goes according to plan, Blue Collar Country will be up and running in the next two to three years, according to Blue Collar manager J.P. Williams.

If the Alabama location is successful, the group — which includes singer Tony Orlando, who is said to have come up with the idea and found the location — will look to open as many as six other Blue Collar locales around the country. [THR]

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. You cannot just slip “singer Tony Orlando” in there in the last paragraph like it’s an after thought. I just… I can’t… I don’t… I’m not… what is this… I don’t even… no words…

Somewhere, Gabriel Iglesias just wrote “FLUFFY LAND” on a cocktail napkin and slid it across the table to his manager.

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“YOU SHALL NOT FAST PASS!”

There’s been a rumor in my quaint little Hamlet of Orlando, Florida for several years that there would someday be a Lord of the Rings attraction at one of our two major theme parks – Walt Disney World or Universal Studios Florida. Now, I had held out hope that it would be a part of Legoland, but it turns out that you can’t even get into Legoland if you don’t have a kid with you. What the f*ck is that noise? A bro can’t like Legos? But I digress.

This rumor has appeared once again, like a big ol’ eye of Sauron, notably at a site known as MiceChat, which is run by Dusty Sage, who claims to be a “consumer advocate for theme park travelers”. Last night, Sage wrote the following:

Big news in the theme park world. Universal is in talks to bring Lord of the Rings lands and rides to a theme park near you. Hot on the success of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Universal isn’t about to let Disney take a counter punch with Avatar or Star Wars without a major blow of its own. There are exciting times ahead for theme park fans.

There is no source to this claim, nor is there any information that divulges when or where this could happen. Alas, that hasn’t stopped message board threads (like this one) from picking the meat from the bones of this idea like giant Fellbeasts.

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