The British Academy Awards, the BAFTAs, happened over the weekend, and that slick Hollywood fluff piece (set in India!) Slumdog Millionaire took best picture.  When I heard, I got so angry that I immediately looked at pictures of Emma Watson and imagined what she’d look like naked and with bigger boobs.  She’s really pretty.  She’s like the little sister I never boned.  Elsewhere, Heath Ledger locked up the award for being dead and Mickey Rourke wore a fashion scarf.  So, pretty much business as usual.

Rourke took home Best Actor, and upon being asked how he was able to so convincingly portray aging wrestler Randy the Ram, Rourke called out Chris Jericho, snorted a line, and invited the interviewer to a “fireman party”. (full list of winners and Mickey Rourke’s acceptance speech after the jump)

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Despite a semi-serious sounding announcement on the red carpet of the SAG Awards, reps for Mickey Rourke are now confirming that he will NOT be wrestling at Wrestlemania.

Paula Woods wrote in an e-mail that the Oscar-nominated actor “will not be participating in Wrestlemania. He is focusing entirely on his acting career.”

And here’s part of the story that I somehow missed the first time around:

Rourke had said he was going to toss Jericho “around the ring like tossed salad.” [Yahoo]

Unless you consider the double entendre, that’s a pretty poorly constructed threat.  I’m gonna tear you down like a torn-down building! Then I’m gonna squash you like a squashed… squash!  I’m assuming he meant it the other way, in which case fake wrestling sounds like it’s gotten a lot sexier since I last watched.

UPDATE If the CNN video below doesn’t work, I’ve attached the YouTube version after the jump.

Following Mickey Rourke’s probably kidding call out of Chris Jericho the other night, Larry King had both guys on his show, and you better believe words were exchanged.

JERICHO:  I think his performance is immaculate and he didn’t make any mistakes, but I think he did make a mistake on the red carpet of the SAG Awards when he mentioned Wrestlemania when he called me out, because if he got his wish, I think the ending of the Jericho-Rourke movie would not turn out so well.

ROURKE: [...] Perhaps I did put my foot in my mouth.  I got nothin but respect for him.  Would I wrestle him?  Well… if it was up to me… no.  Would I box him in a boxing ring or in a bare knuckle match?  Yeah.

JERICHO: I do respect what you did in the movie blah blah blah I don’t respect you.

And then it sort of goes on like that, Jericho acting pissed, Rourke trying to take the high road.  Jericho later added, “OOOH, BROTHER, YA DONE MESSED UP NOW! CUZ NOW I’M GONNA MESS YOU UP REEEEAL GOOD IN FAKE FIGHTIN’!  THAT’S RIGHT, I’M A GONNA PRETEND PIN THE HECK OUTTA YOU! OOOH YEEEAAHH! AND THEN I’M A GONNA HIGHLIGHT MY HAIR, AND TAKE SOME STEROIDS AND MURDER MY FAMILY!!!  ……What, too soon?

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Quite possibly the best film of the year, The Wrestler dropkicked me right in the dick, but also, the heart. It has moments with all of the visceral, holy-crap-did-I-just-see-that appeal of Nic Cage in the bear suit or Samuel Jackson getting eaten by the shark in Deep Blue Sea – and not just ridiculous moments, but moments that feel ridiculously true.  You leave the theater feeling as charged up as if you just watched Rocky but without needing a lobotomy to believe the story.

The song Bruce Springsteen famously wrote for the film plays at the end when it fades to black, with The Boss singin ’bout three-legged dogs and one-trick ponies and cats on a dead end road that got shot in the eyes with a pellet gun.  Great song, but it’s almost unnecessary.  This movie is a Springsteen song.  It’s greasy, deep-fried Americana, and it’s f-cking delicious.

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Watching Mickey Rourke onstage is always entertaining, but a couple things bugged me about his Best Actor acceptance speech.  1.  Where’s his chihuahua?  Did Nic Cage steal it?  2. Did they shoot him from the waist up because he was doing the Al Bundy thing with his hand down his pants the whole time? Get it together, camera guy, that’s the best part.

Little known fact: Mickey’s scarf used to be a disco ball.