Say what you will about their fans being only a minuscule step above carnies on the evolutionary chart, I’m convinced that the guys from Insane Clown Posse are actually comedic geniuses.  They mix earnestness with clown rap in a way that slays me every time.  And the funniest parts of it usually aren’t the “insane” parts, they’re the part where it’s actually kind of true. Holy crap, the fat rap clown speaks the truth.  When you think about it, a yellow-ass, long-neck giraffe, really is a miracle..  Anyway, Violent J recently sat down with the Onion A/V Club for a ridiculously thorough interview, and among other things, he had an interesting take on The Wrestler.  Yes, I do realize that is a preposterous sentence.  Just go with it.

VJ: You know, we still wrestle. And a lot of our friends, a lot of my best friends are wrestlers. And I know the wrestling world super-tough, I know it inside and out. And that movie, as great as it was, for me personally, it even had a little tint of boring, and I’ll tell you why. Because it was that dead-on.

AVC: How so?

VJ: It’s so accurate. There are so many wrestlers that age where that’s the story of their life. Where they’re just holding on to what they had and they’re still wrestling, and they’re now wrestling in high school gyms and bingo halls. And there’s so many wrestlers that that movie could’ve been about it was almost predictable, because I know so many wrestlers that are living that life. It almost made it predictable for me. Like, nothing they showed in that movie we didn’t already know. I’m that tuned in to the wrestling world. We spent a lot of time in wrestling, and if you think about it, wrestling is a lot like ICP. It’s a gimmick deal where the crowd knows we’re not really axe murderers, and the crowd knows these wrestlers aren’t really whatever they’re doing. But they’re caught up in the entertainment, and they cheer the good guys, boo the bad guys, and they love it because it’s an escape from reality. And I think that when we became a band we took a lot of the general rules of wrestling and added it to our band.

Have you ever watched Beyond The Mat? You can see it right there. Guys like Jake The Snake, Greg “The Hammer” Valentine, Koko B. Ware. These are guys that had the limelight 20 years ago that are now wrestling in a VFW hall in Utah, making $150 bucks, and $100 goes on hotel and $50 goes on gas.

I’m not going to pretend I like wrestling.  In fact, I imagine people who like WWE, ICP, Two and a Half Men, Dancing with the Stars, Nicholas Sparks and all the other stuff stupid people love that I don’t understand all hang out together in some carnival smoking cigars and braying like donkeys like in Pinocchio.  It actually seems like a lot of fun. In any case, that scene of Mickey Rourke running the deli in The Wrestler is one of the best things ever.

The Wrestler forever made me a Darren Aronofsky fan, and I’m doubly excited for his follow up, Black Swan, aka Natalie Portman’s Drugged-up Ballerina Masturbation Party.  According to a recent interview with Aronofsky, the two projects actually began as a single movie before splitting into separate entities, like Bruce Greenwood and a unicorn.

“At one point, way before I made ‘The Wrestler,‘ I was actually developing a project that was about a love affair between a ballet dancer and a wrestler, and then it kind of split off into two movies,” he said.  “I realized pretty quickly that taking two worlds like wrestling and ballet was much too much for one movie.”

Pfff, tell that to the writer of The Game Plan, buddy. Good thing there’s still someone out there who’s not afraid to dream big.

“I’ve always considered the two films companion pieces,” he said. “They are really connected and people will see the connections. It’s funny, because wrestling some consider the lowest art — if they would even call it art — and ballet some people consider the highest art. But what was amazing to me was how similar the performers in both of these worlds are. They both make incredible use of their bodies to express themselves.” [I tried to convince the judge that was art!] “So I guess my dream is that some art theater will play the films as a double feature some day.” [MTV]

I’d watch that.  Especially if it was called “Lesbian Ballerina Sex Fireman Party.”  There’s no place to get your monkey tutu wet like a lesbian ballerina sex fireman party.

Remember when Chris Jericho came on Larry King to get all pretend pissed that Mickey Rourke pretend called him out during his press tour for The Wrestler?  And then Mickey Rourke was going to pretend wrestle in Wrestlemania but pulled out?  Well last night, Rourke showed up at Wreslemania anyway, and jumped in the ring to pretend box Chris Jericho.  Said the announcers, “Rourke’s gotta remember, nobody’s gonna yell ‘cut’.”  It’s true, no one cares how bad your acting is at Wrestlemania.  Because the crowd are mouth-breathing dimwits, you see. Other than that, it was just your average, two guys with highlighted hair, one with a ponytail and leather vest, the other in a speedo and knee-high boots, pretend fighting each other kind of night. Reminds me of Thanksgiving, really.

I like this Mickey Rourke better.

[hat tip: CHUD]

Anvil was a band who toured with Mötorhead and The Scorpions in the 80s, but after coming so close to superstardom, have since faded into relative obscurity (see picture above, featuring the one guy at their show sitting in a chair and headbanging next to a speaker).  Anvil is the documentary about the band, and judging by the trailer below, it looks like Spinal Tap meets The Wrestler, except real.  And if that comparison didn’t make you at least a little bit moist, well then you’re not invited to my fireman party.
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See? I told you The Wrestler was realistic.  The guy who played a steroid dealer in the movie was arrested yesterday in a steroid bust that “ended in a violent chase.” Just like my dates.

Federal prosecutors in Manhattan accused Scott Siegel of leading Drug Enforcement Administration agents and local police on a car chase worthy of an action flick.

Was it like the new Bond?  Maybe the cops’ vision kept cutting to a shaky closeup of the guy’s shoe.

Prosecutors said investigators had seized 1,500 bottles labeled as anabolic steroids and tens of thousands of dollars in cash during searches of Siegal’s home and that of his parents.
Authorities had Siegel under surveillance as part of a steroid-trafficking investigation. On Wednesday night, officers staking out his parent’s town house in a gated development in Westchester County spotted him getting out of his car carrying a brown box, court papers said.
Siegel spotted the officers unmarked vehicle, walked over and commented on their car before driving away, the papers said. When he returned a short time later, several police vehicles converged on his car. In the ensuing pursuit, he smashed through a fence and rammed three police cars and two DEA cars, “apparently intentionally,” the court papers said.
When cornered, Siegel again smashed into police cars and aimed his car at one of the officers who was on foot “in an apparent attempt to run him over,” the paper said. He eventually tried to flee on foot before officers finally grabbed him, the papers added. [AP]

It’s strange, steroid users are usually characterized by their level-headedness.  I’ve got video of Siegel being led away in cuffs after the jump, and in case you were wondering whether he’s wearing an Ed Hardy shirt… of course he’s wearing an Ed Hardy shirt.  Take that, Affliction.

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