Holy God do I wish I could take a time machine back to six months ago before every tool in Hollywood had heard of MMA.  The latest?  David Henrie of the Disney channel’s Wizards of Waverly Place (yeah, I haven’t heard of him either, I think he might be a lesbian) is planning to develop and star in The Weapon. What’s that, you ask?  Why it’s an adaptation of the most original comic book ever.

“Weapon” follows martial arts enthusiast and inventor Tommy Zhou, who has developed a ground-breaking portable innovation that an evil order will stop at nothing to steal. Released in 2007, “Weapon” was created by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg.

A “portable innovation”?  You mean like, a fleshlight?  A suitcase bomb?  A flask?  Quit being so f’cking coy.  But getting back to what I said about MMA, gird your loins for awful PR quotes part two…

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