Opening this weekend:
Gran Torino
Watch this movie all you want, Clint Eastwood still thinks you’re a pussy. He doesn’t care about the money. The only thing that makes him happy these days is a good BM.
Bride Wars
Now that Anne Hathaway has gotten rave reviews for Rachel Getting Married, perhaps she won’t have to do any more spectacularly uninspired piles of monkey shit like this anymore. You know what’d be way better than this? Lesbian MMA porn. Know what else’d be better than this? Nailing your dick to a tree with the claw end of the hammer.
The Unborn
Movie looks shitty, but I give the poster two thumbs up. Hey, wait a second, the synopsis says the ghost boy died in Auschwitz. You see that? They tried to Trojan horse a holocaust movie on us - inside some chick’s ass. …I hope you guys all went to college because I’m throwing down some pretty erudite analysis around here these days.
Crappy movie actor Cam Gigandet (you may remember him as the bad guy in Never Back Down and Twilight) was spotted in L.A. recently wearing this felching, er, fetching kilt/argyle socks/man purse combo. You may call him douchey, but I’ll have you know that his great great great grandfather was Irish or Scottish or English or something so it’s totally cool.
How is this movie related, you ask? Well, Gigandet will be co-starring in The Unborn which opens January 9th and will suck because Cam Gigandet is in it. (Awesome poster, though)
[via JustJared]
There’s something mesmerizing about this new poster for The Unborn, but I can’t quite put my finger in it. I mean on it. I mean, I would like to put my penis inside of it. I mean I could really go for some sodomy right now. Crap, are you guys getting this? I should really stop beating around the bush. …shut up, I was already leaving.
Congratulations, Unborn poster maker guy. You’ve successfully distracted me from that ridiculous kid in a dracula costume. (The girl is Odette Yustman, in case you were wondering). [via Empire]
Here’s the new “yellow band” trailer (for age appropriate audiences, whatever the hell that means) for The Unborn, yet another horror movie based around the idea that little kids whispering are creepy. And oh hey look, there’s that little kid from Hancock again. Seriously? It wasn’t enough to cast kids with horrible speech impediments, we had to find one with a misshapen head? You just know that creepy lil’ f-cker’s gonna be starring in a gangbang with Screech and MiniMe in ten years. Just say no to child actors.
Dark Knight co-writer (…and Ghost Rider Exec Producer) David S. Goyer wrote and directed this little gem, Unborn, opening January 9th. Judging by the trailer, it’s just about the most original-looking horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. Ha, just kidding, it’s ghosts and possessed kids again. Cam Gigandet is reprising his role as the kiss of death.
