This week’s Comments of the Week winner AND runner up get The Rocker on DVD, starring Rainn Wilson, which went on sale January 27th.  You should buy it.  Think about it, man, he’s showing not one, but TWO metal fingers. And I get to give away TWO copies! Ha, I just got that!

As always, the way this works is, when a commenter makes a comment worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of this post.  I’LL pick the winner from among the nominees next Sunday/Monday. The winner [usually] gets a sweet prize.  (FYI, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

Well, folks, it takes a tragedy like some babies getting stabbed in Belgium to really bring out the best in you guys.  And you know it’s a good week when someone gets so offended that they threaten to report me to the Belgian Embassy (I wish I was kidding).  Anyway, let’s get this party started: Read the rest of this entry »

Tropic Thunder earned $16.1 million dollars at the box office this weekend ($65 million total), taking the top spot for the second week in a row.  It narrowly beat out The House Bunny ($15.1 million), though it should probably be pointed out that The House Bunny cost about $25 million to make and Tropic Thunder cost an estimated $160 million.

In Schadenfreude news, The Longshots, Fred Durst’s football fartwarmer debuted at number 8 with $4.3 million, and The Rocker, Rainn Wilson’s retarded slapstick orgy, didn’t even break the top ten, earning $2.8 million for number 12.  I blame the sneeze (51 second mark).  A sneeze that fake shouldn’t even make the final cut. They not only kept it, but put it in the trailer. That makes a strong statement, and that statement is "we’re not trying very hard."

Meanwhile, Death Race opened at number 3, earning $12.3 million dollars and a slew of rave reviews:

"It is an assault on all the senses, including common." -Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times
"Even more painful than actually participating in a death race." -Matt Pais, Chicago Tribune
"Paul W.S. Anderson makes one kind of movie: the shitty kind." -Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central

Upon hearing the reviews, Jason Statham scowled and continued to do pull-ups.   

1. "Tropic Thunder," $16.1 million.
2. "The House Bunny," $15.1 million.
3. "Death Race," $12.3 million.
4. "The Dark Knight," $10.3 million.
5. "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," $5.7 million.
6. "Pineapple Express," $5.6 million.
7. "Mirrors," $4.9 million.
8. "The Longshots," $4.304 million.
9. "Mamma Mia!" $4.303 million.
10. "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor," $4.1 million.

Opening this weekend:

The Longshots
Yo, Fred Durst be directing and shit, B.  He wants you to respect him as a muthfuckin artist now, foo.  Ebert liked it. Listen to this glowing praise: "…realistically photographed by Conrad W. Hall," and "Even the signs Jasmine’s fans hold up look homemade, when a lot of teen sports movies seem to have employed sign painters."  Holy shit, man, settle down!  If you like it so much, why don’t you marry it.

Death Race
Once again, my impression of this movie: Blur! Cut! Smash! Rap rock guitars! Oh, ‘allo.  Moy name ees Jason Stafam.  Explosion! Face punch! Oof! Blur! Rap Rock!  Rightio, oy fink oy’ll taike me shir’ off now.  Gunshots! Blur! Impalement! Record Scratching!  Blur! Tits! Cut! Mohawk!  Gratuitous ass shot!  Guns n Roses!  Car stats! Pow!

The Rocker
Every supposedly funny thing in this trailer involved someone getting hit with something.  Every. Single. Thing.  But hey, at least they got a guy that looks like Jonah Hill to be in it.

The House Bunny
On the one hand, this looks like it could be sort of winning and cute like Clueless or Legally Blonde.  On the other hand… Colin Hanks.  Goddamn I hate that creepy mouthbreather.

Hamlet 2
Probably your best bet this weekend.  It’s getting good reviews and has potential, but the trailer is almost as full of bad slapstick gags as The Rocker.  All in all, I think I’ll spend my weekend being mesmerized by Usain Bolt’s crotch bulge.  Er, I mean, watching the Olympics.  (Seriously though, that’s abnormal, right?)      

Rainn Wilson was recently on CNN to promote The Rocker, and while he was there he sort of did the weather (video after the jump).  In between laughing at everything he does, the CNN reporter mentions that Wilson was recently nominated for a best supporting actor Emmy.  Which makes me wonder why he’s doing press for The Rocker.  The latest TV spots for The Rocker show Rainn Wilson falling out of the attic, Rainn Wilson hitting someone with a drumstick, Rainn Wilson getting hit with a branch, Rainn Wilson falling out of a chair, and Rainn Wilson getting hit in the crotch with an extension cord.  Do you really need an Emmy-nominated actor for that?  Carmen Electra is perfectly capable of being hit with stuff and she works for free drinks.

There’s a new teaser trailer for The Rocker out, and, though it’s shorter and uses mainly the same footage as the full-length trailer, the teaser’s tighter editing is much better at communicating just how awful this is going to be. I think if you do the research, you’ll find that a guy getting hit in the nuts during the trailer pretty much guarantees the movie will be terrible (see also: The Love Guru – 1:53 mark). Other bad omens:

- Punctuating a joke with a reaction shot so you know they made a joke
- Guy getting hit with a drumstick
- Rainn Wilson getting hit with a tree branch
- Rainn Wilson falling off a chair
- The weirdest fake sneeze I’ve ever seen

My point is, go easy on the slapstick, guys. How the hell are Seltzer and Friedberg supposed to parody this now?