ACADEMY VOTER ASKS NOTED IDIOT FOR ADVICE

10.06.09 Written by Vince Mancini

(“Film of the century!” declared Retard Pig)

The Oscar vote is a little more complicated this year now with 10 choices for Best Picture instead of five, so I can understand how an academy member might be overwhelmed.  But that’s no excuse for doing what one did, which was apparently to ask Pete effing Hammond for advice.  Hammond writes:

The other day I got a call from an academy member who had just received a list of October entries in the official academy member weekend screening series. She asked if I thought particular titles she had never even heard of were worth checking out. Those included “We Live in Public,” a documentary about the Internet; “Disgrace,” a barely released post-apartheid drama; “Good Hair,” a Chris Rock riff on African American hairstyles; “Bronson,” a violent prison drama about a guy whose altar-ego is the actor Charles Bronson; “Gentlemen Broncos,” a teen comedy; “Astro Boy,” an animated film based on an old TV cartoon series; the multi-segmented ”New York I Love You” and a horror film, “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.”  None of these movies are likely to be found on any pundits list of potential Oscar contenders. [LaTimes via MovieLine]

No arguments there, at least if he’s only talking about Best Picture.  But keep in mind, Pete Hammond is eFilmcritic’s 2008 Whore of the Year, one of those sham critics whose quotes you see in horrible movie trailers and think, “Who the hell would’ve had the balls to admit liking that out loud, let alone in print?”  Pete Hammond is that guy.

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BOX OFFICE: REALLY? THE PROPOSAL?

06.22.09 Written by Vince Mancini

(Haha, get it?  Women be shoppin’ and men be hatin’ commitment! It’s funny ’cause it’s true!)

The Proposal earned $34 million to land a big number one on the box office chart, despite looking like a lame mashup of every crappy romantic comedy ever.  They make this movie once a month.  The only thing good about this one was that it didn’t have Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey in it.

The Hangover was number two with $26.9 million, only declining 18% from last weekend and holding better than just about any movie in recent memory (again, that’s movie blogger code for “I don’t want to look it up”).  So far it’s made almost $153 million on a $35 million budget, which is good news for anyone who wants to make or see an R-rated comedy.  The bad news is that without Todd Phillips and Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover would basically have been an Entourage episode.  So what’ll happen now is, they’ll greenlight a bunch of pandering, “raunchy” comedies which will suck (think American Pie sequels) and won’t make money, and then we’ll be right back to it being hard to make R-rated comedy again.  Also?  We’re all gonna be dead in 40 years anyway.  Happy Monday!

(full top 10 below)

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WEEKEND PREVIEW: MOVIES.

06.19.09 Written by Vince Mancini

(Haven’t you heard?  It’s super lazy Photoshop Friday.)

Opening this weekend:

Year One
Jack Black and Michael Cera are cavemen, David Cross is Cain.  Seeing some bad reviews for this, and sure, I could’ve done without Harold Ramis planting the camera an inch from everyone’s face, and the endings of a couple scenes apparently never made it to the final cut… But whatever, it had its moments.  “You know what the best part of Sodom is?  The sodomy.”

The Proposal
Director Anne Fletcher’s long awaited follow up to 27 Dresses.  Two attractive people forced together by circumstance?  I wonder what will happen! She has to pretend to be attracted to Ryan Reynolds?  Ew, his chiseled features and washboard abs are so icky!  These romantic comedies are so unpredictable.  Betty White’s in it too.  Get it?  It’s funny because she’s old.

Whatever Works
Woody Allen directs Larry David.  I wonder if it’s about being neurotic and Jewish.

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RYAN REYNOLDS ALSO NEEDS A NEW AGENT

12.10.08 Written by Vince Mancini

OMG, a hot naked girl on me! Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!

Below we have the new trailer for The Proposal, a totally inspired rom-com starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.  She’s his boss, and they have to get married so she doesn’t get deported.  Let me get this straight, two ridiculously good-looking people are forced into a pretend relationship by circumstance?  OH MY GOD, I WONDER WHAT THE F-CK WILL HAPPEN????  *slams dick in car door*

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