I’ve posted trailers for 12 Rounds and The Tooth Fairy, and just when I thought WWE’s movie projects couldn’t get any worse… THEY TOTALLY REDEEM THEMSELVES!

[In "Knucklehead"], WWE Superstar, Paul “Big Show” Wight plays Walter Krunk, a 7-foot-tall, 440-pound naïve giant who was raised in the St. Thomas Orphanage and never left – until he takes to the road with Eddie and Mary.

Shortly after Eddie loses his new fighter and finds himself $50,000 in debt to longtime nemesis and bookie Memphis Earl (DENNIS FARINA), he discovers Walter, a bumbling life-long resident of the orphanage-turned-handyman with his own debt problems: The kitchen fire Walter caused will close down the church’s orphanage in a week unless he comes up with $50,000. Upon overhearing Walter’s predicament, Eddie convinces the no-nonsense head nun, Sister Francesca (WENDY MALICK) that Walter can win the $100,000 grand prize at the tournament to pay off the church’s debts. But in order to do so, he will need to take Walter on the road, enter amateur fights along the way, and teach him how to become a real fighter. [via WWE Corporate via MMAMania]

That’s right, a retarded giant fights MMA in order save the church orphanage – PLUS – no Cam Gigandet.  It might be the world’s most perfect premise. However, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that the exact phrase “retard MMA” has appeared in the FilmDrunk comments section no less than 34 times, the first going back to December 2007.  See also: my January 2008 headline “WILL MMA SAVE THE REC CENTER?“  Where’s our money, Vince McMahon?

Tagline: MMA: So easy a retarded church orphan could do it.

This is the red-band trailer for Legion, starring Paul Bettany, Charles S. Dutton (who has actually killed a man), Dennis Quaid, and Adrienne Palicki.  It was directed by Scott Stewart, co-founder of the FX company The Orphanage, which has an amazingly solid track record.  It opens looking pretty cool, but then it flashes the Screen Gems logo and I’m like, “Uh oh,” because most Screen Gems movie are old smelly ox cock.  But if I’m honest, I have to admit I almost pissed myself in terror a couple times during this.  Towards the end, an old lady comes in Roc’s restaurant and she’s all like, “Your baby’s gonna burn,” and everyone’s like, “What?” and then OH MY GOD SHE BIT THAT GUY ON THE NECK KILL IT WITH FIRE KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

After God loses faith in humanity, the archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) is the only one standing between mankind and the apocalypse. He leads a group of strangers who must protect a woman who is pregnant with Christ in his second coming.

It’s post apocalyptic… because God hates you. Nice. I like the twist. And it’s been a long time since a trailer ripped my face off and effed the nostril hole like this one.  Legion, rated P for pants sh*tting.

[via /Film]

Watch the full Trailer for Orphanage

The only words in this trailer are a lady screaming "Simón!" so at first I naturally thought she just meant "Fu#k yeah!" in vato slang.  But then I thought maybe she was saying "Simone!", and I was all, "They gave him a girl’s name? That’s so Raven."

As it turns out, the movie’s actually in Spanish (Simón means Simon – weird!), and it’s a horror flick directed by J.A. Bayona and produced, or "presented", whatever the hell that means, by Guillermo Del Toro. It looks sort of like Sixth Sense meets Scarecrow from Batman Begins.  I’d rip on it for being a horror flick and for resembling an M. Night (Manny) Shymammyschlong movie, but Pan’s Labyrinth made me wet my pants with glee (and giggle when the bad guy got shot in the face – figure that one out), so I’m actually optimistic.

It’s weird because it’s an orphanage, but I don’t see any priests.  Priests usually run ophanages.  I think it’s because if you molest an orphan, who’s he gonna run to, the paperboy?  Good luck with that one, fella.