MTV today spoke with The Mummy 3: Whatever It’s Called director Rob Cohen, who revealed plans for the next Mummy movie.  Leading me to spit out my coffee and rub my eyes in a circular motion and other comical expressions of surprise. The following contains spoilers, but this is The Mummy we’re talking so who really gives a shit.

Brendan Frasier [sic] as an immortal hero up against an immortal villain is just one of many ideas “Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor” director Rob Cohen wants to explore in another installment of the blockbuster series, he told MTV News, insisting that a fourth installment is all but guaranteed if audiences respond well to “Mummy 3.”

“Rick [Fraser's character in The Mummy, apparently], because he was treated by the pool of eternal life, Rick is now immortal. I’d love to explore how that plays out for him,” Cohen said. “Another spoiler, Jonathan [John Hannah] winds up with the artifact in this film and he doesn’t realize, nor do we, what its powers are. In my mind, that artifact still has a lot of prizes in it, the eye of Shangri La, this big diamond.”

I hope the prize is bazooka gum!  Seriously though, that would be apropos considering I pay as much attention to this franchise as I do to the little cartoons inside the 20-year-old pieces of Bazooka Joe you win at amusement parks.  They spent $170 million dollars on the latest Mummy movie.  If they’d spent that on cancer research it’d probably be cured by now.  Essentially, Brendan Fraser killed my grandpa. 

The full trailer for the third Mummy movie (after the jump) has hit the web, and the most offensive thing about it is that it looks like they spent a lot of money on it.  In Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Brendan Fraser takes on 2,000-year-old Chinese Emperor Jet Li while spouting epic dialogue like “Here we go again!” and “I. Really. Hate. Mummies!”  And keep in mind, those are the lines someone thought would best sell the movie.

Mummies are the crappiest movie villians of all time.  Oh no, a fragile corpse that can’t move faster than a walk! Why do you think all the poor kids have to dress up as mummies for Halloween?  Man, those fuckers were so jealous of my Rainbow Brite costume.  It cost a fortune, but my uncle bought it for me because I was so good at keeping secrets.  

You can see it in higher res at PapaJohns.com. No, really.

After the jump is the new trailer for the next movie in the Mummy series, titled The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.  That title sounds like they used mad libs to write it, but okay.  I guess it’s better than Terminator: The Return of the Terminator.

In the film Brendan Fraser is back as explorer Rick O’Connell and he’s battling the necromanced corpse of a Han Emperor (played by the usually-awesome Jet Li).  It’s directed by The Fast and the Furious director Rob Cohen.  They’ve substituted our usual Rachel Weisz with Maria Bello. Let’s see if anyone notices. – RoboPanda