According to Deadline, Johnny Depp has signed on to produce a Don Quixote movie for Disney. The big story is that Terry Gilliam doesn’t seem to be involved. See, back in 2002, Gilliam was the subject of a documentary called Lost in La Mancha, detailing Gilliam’s ultimately doomed production of a film called The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Gilliam tried to get the project off the ground for years, and at one point, Johnny Depp was attached (that’s him and Gilliam in the banner image, via). Depp later dropped out, and Gilliam went on to make The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, which starred Heath Ledger, who died halfway through shooting and had to be replaced by Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law. Who knows what happened between Depp and Gilliam since then, or whether Gilliam eventually gave up on doing his Quixote movie, but Depp had to know how this was going to look when he signed on. YOU’RE KILLING HIM, JOHNNY OH GOD WHY!

Disney has closed a deal for an untitled pitch to be written by Steve Pink [Hot Tub Time Machine] and Jeff Morris, and produced by Infinitum Nihil’s Johnny Depp and Christi Dembrowski. The project is best described as a modern re-imagining of Don Quixote. Depp has long been intrigued with that character, and at one time was attached to the Quixote film that Terry Gilliam has tried to make.

Hard to know what to make of this, since “a modern re-imagining of Don Quixote” could mean almost anything. A hero living in the past, dedicating his life to outmoded principles of morality and groping after the women in his life through a haze of anachronous social ideals – has anyone called Aaron Sorkin? Sorkin should write himself into this, Adaptation-style.

(“Open up, little man, I know you’re hiding a pot of gold in your belly.”)

Terry Gilliam recently did an interview with the Onion A/V Club, and you should read the whole thing, because he’s awesome, and what else are you going to read, Michael Phelps’ autobiography?  Anyway, he mentions that he’s still trying to get money for his Don Quixote movie, which now has Robert Duvall attached.  But it was also interesting to hear what he had to say about Avatar.

“Technically, it’s extraordinary work. And that’s where it sort of ends. We’ve seen the story before. We’ve seen so much of what’s been done there before, but I think he’s obviously moved the technology way ahead, to a point that who’s going to get the benefit from it is the real question. I think his system that he’s developed is obviously extraordinary, but you need these vast sums of money to create something like that. The thing that always amazes me about Cameron is how he uses the camera. I’ve always been amazed by that, ever since I first saw his films. And he continues to do it. It’s a dynamic that’s quite extraordinary, but as far as the ideas and everything else, nothing surprised me.”

“What he’s done is so difficult. And that deserves praise for something. I don’t know if it’s necessary, is my problem. I occasionally would pull the glasses off and say, “Did the depth mean that much to me?” And it didn’t. But it’s very lush work.” [source]

That’s right, he agrees with me, eat it.  He also had some thoughts on the new Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes:
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Almost 10 years ago, Terry Gilliam tried to make The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, a cursed production that eventually shut down after delays caused by freak weather and the lead actor’s back problems. The only good thing to come out of it was Lost in La Mancha, a documentary about the experience.  But now Gilliam is set to try again.  Oh hey, did I mention his lead actor (Heath Ledger) overdosed on pills halfway through the filming of his last movie?

Gilliam is teaming up with Brit producer Jeremy Thomas to bring his long-cherished project to the bigscreen. Gilliam and screenwriter Tony Grisoni, who also wrote the first version, have rewritten and updated the script. The new film will revolve around a filmmaker who is charmed into joining Don Quixote’s eternal quest for his ladylove, becoming an unwitting Sancho Panza.

“I’m not so much a filmmaker as someone who gets possessed by an idea and it doesn’t leave me until I make the film,” Gilliam told Variety. “I commit myself to it so fully.”

Gilliam is also in talks with Johnny Depp, who had been set to star in the first ill-fated attempt as a modern-day ad exec who travels back in time and is mistaken for Sancho Panza by Don Quixote. Scheduling concerns are seen as the biggest obstacle to Depp’s participation this time. [Variety]

Johnny Depp is great and all, but do we really have to mention his name as a possible candidate for every goddamned role?  I think part of it is that “Johnny Depp” just sounds like a movie star’s name.  If his name was Henry Blakowski I guarantee he’d be cleaning the skidmarks out of Tom Arnold’s underpants right now.  Which is why I’m naming my son “Racecar Hairgel.”