Disney, under the same leadership that killed such projects as The Proposal 2, Wedding Banned starring Robin Williams, Wild Hogs 2: Bachelor Ride, and Robert Zemeckis’ planned mo-cap Beatles movie, has thrown another turd down the sh*t tunnel to hell, presumably thanks to chairman Rich Ross and his big swinging pimp cane. The Lone Ranger movie, which was set to star Armie Hammer as the Lone Ranger and Johnny Depp as Tonto, with the Anti-Christ Jerry Bruckheimer producing, will no longer be moving forward at Disney. YAY!

To the block quote! (*jumps on Jewish lawyer’s back*) HI HO, SILVERMAN, AWAY!

In a stunning development, Disney has shut down production on The Lone Ranger, the Gore Verbinski-directed period Western that was to star Johnny Depp as Tonto and Armie Hammer as the title character. Jerry Bruckheimer is the producer and the script is by Justin Haythe. I’m told this all just happened, and Disney pulled the plug because of the budget. I’ve heard the filmmakers were trying to reduce the film’s cost from $250 million (some even say $275 million) down to $232 million. But it wasn’t the $200 million that Disney wanted to spend. And between Depp, Bruckheimer, and Verbinski, the gross outlay on the film is substantial. [Deadline]

I know a lot of you probably love Johnny Depp no matter the cost, and are sad about this because Depp and Verbinski worked together on Rango, but the last time Bruckheimer produced a movie for Depp and Verbinski, it was Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Bruckheimer hasn’t produced a decent movie since the 90s, and even that requires getting creative with the definition of “decent.” Well, except for Kangaroo Jack, obviously. Kangaroo Jack was the bomb.

(“Over there, a casino.  If you leave town, it’s yours. You can even spend the money on meth.”)

The Jerry Bruckheimer Lone Ranger movie hasn’t come up in a while, but if you were worried we wouldn’t get a gay cop Western from the producer who brought us G-Force and Cop Show: City, well just climb down from that clock tower and prepare for a cock shower.  (I dunno, it rhymed.)

Justin Haythe, who adapted “Revolutionary Road,” is negotiating to take on the script for Disney’s “The Lone Ranger.” …Bruckheimer is producing the project, [which he promises will have “a supernatural aspect] which announced the casting of Johnny Depp as Tonto [a Spanish word for stupid, true story] nearly a year and a half ago. [THR]

The project originally had the Pirates of the Caribbean writers attached, but these projects tend to go through a lot of writers.  The way it works is, Jerry Bruckheimer hammers a line of coke and throws out a retarded idea, and all the screenwriters play musical chairs and the last one to sit down spends the next year putting an oozing pus wound on his resume.

It’s long been feared but now seems confirmed: Production Weekly reports that Johnny Depp will play Tonto in a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced movie version of The Lone Ranger for Disney. Mike Newell, who directed Donnie Brasco but also Mona Lisa Smile will direct the film, which Jerry Bruckheimer promises will have “a supernatural aspect.” (rapping ghosts??)

Apparently all the Indian actors were busy playing rape-wolves in Stephenie Meyer’s latest life lesson for the modern Mormon (beware of feral minorities!).  In any case, I’d love to see Johnny Depp as an Indian, Tom Cruise as a samurai, Charlton Heston as a Mexican, Robert Downey Jr. as a black guy, and Eddie Murphy as a Jew in an awesomely racist incarnation of the Village People.

When he’s not out raping corpses or murdering third world children for their pelts, Jerry Bruckheimer’s on the lookout for new ideas to make suck.  The latest?  The Lone Ranger. 

Sources tell us the writing duo behind the Pirates of the Carribean franchise are trying to create a new juggernaut for Bruckheimer to exploit. Adapted from a 1930s radio show, The Lone Ranger was a live-action television show popular in the 1950s. It featured a masked Texas Ranger in the old West who relied on his Native American sidekick, Tonto. [EW]

Even I have to admit that this is pretty much the perfect project for Jerry Bruckheimer.  It’s already a hokey old show about a cowboy who rides around "fighting injustice", so it’s not gonna get too much lamer – just change "injustice" to ghosts, stick Nic Cage in a mask, and make Tonto a streetwise, wisecracking black guy and it’s good to go. 

Or maybe Tonto can stay an Indian, but he’ll be all CGI.