You know how you’ll hear something like “Two and a Half Men is the number one comedy on television!”, and you just stand there confused, because you literally don’t know a single person who has gotten through five minutes of that show?  Yeah, this is like that.  According to the Hollywood Reporter, The Last Song is the top-selling home video in the country.

“The Last Song” debuted at No. 1 on both the Nielsen VideoScan DVD sales chart and the research house’s dedicated Blu-ray Disc sales chart for the week ending August 22.
The Season 4 set of “Dexter” bowed at No. 2 on both sales charts. “Date Night,” which debuted at No. 1 on both sales charts the previous week, slipped to No. 3 on the DVD tally, and to No. 5 on the Blu-ray Disc chart, behind “Clash of the Titans” at No. 3 and “Kick-Ass” at No. 4.

Remember The Last Song?  It’s that Nicholas Sparks movie where Miley Cyrus turns her back on a piano scholarship to Juilliard, but finds love when the local volleyball hunk helps her protect a nest of sea turtle eggs from a mischievous raccoon.  I am not making this up.

“Furry Vengeance,” a family comedy that earned $17.6 million in U.S. theaters, debuted at No. 4 on both the DVD sales and rental charts.

That’s the one where Brendan Fraser screams “MILEY CYRUS!” at a boulder.  …And his nemesis is a raccoon.  Whoa.  Is that meta?  Does America just love Miley Cyrus and hate raccoons?  Forget it, I’m going back to bed.

She evolved them teeth for shotgunnin' Coors cans when you can't find a pocket knife

UPDATE: Now with video, after the jump.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to cover Miley Cyrus’ “lurid” lap dance after all the gossip sites beat me to it, but I think the scene of the crime and the people involved deserve some attention.  First, the story.

From Radar via WWTDD:
The video shows Adam Shankman on the dance floor with a drink in hand grinding up against Cyrus’ backside while she grinds back. At one point Cyrus turns around and seductively opens the top layer of her shirt, teasing Shankman with her flirty dance moves.  In a second clip to the video, Cyrus is seen giving Shankman a lap dance while children under the age of 10 sit less than five feet away watching the Hannah Montana star, and neither her mother Tish nor father Billy Ray were present at the party.

Okay, so the Disney Channel trained one of their faux-wholesome stars to act like an underage prostitute and some kids saw a lap dance.  I give that a “what’s new” and a “who cares”, respectively.  But I need to give you an idea of the kind of cretinous dildos who were present at this part.

First off, this was at a wrap party for The Last Song, the movie Miley Cyrus starred in based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks, the male Stephenie Meyers who compares himself to Hemingway and Sophocles and thinks Cormac McCarthy sucks.  The movie was about a girl who rescues a nest of sea turtle eggs from raccoons, and in the process, learns to love the piano again, by the way.  And that guy she was giving a lap dance to? Adam Shankman, the guy who was once moved to tears by a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance and directed the following movies:
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Based on the Nicholas Sparks novel, is the trailer for The Last Song, starring Miley Cyrus as a rebellious teenager who has to spend the summer with her estranged father, a concert pianist played by Greg Kinnear.  Or as I like to call it, A Wank to Remember.