This is an undoctored photo from the actual lab. Seriously.

This week’s non-movie-related story is a doozy: Japanese scientists have discovered a way to create edible steaks out of human feces.  Juicy, delicious, satisfying poop steaks, especially if the humans are grass fed.  I’m already thinking of a sci-fi script based around the process. Soylent Brown, I call it.

It’s being called the “poop burger”. Japanese scientists have found a way to create artificial meat from sewage containing human feces.
Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.

Whoa whoa whoa, buddy, we said find something to do with it, not make food out of it.  We thought you would just sculpt it into a life-like sex doll or something.

The researchers then extracted those proteins, combined them with a reaction enhancer and put it in an exploder which created the artificial steak. The “meat” is 63% proteins, 25% carbohydrates, 3% lipids and 9% minerals. The researchers color the poop meat red with food coloring and enhance the flavor with soy protein. Initial tests have people saying it even tastes like beef.
Inhabitat notes that “the meatpacking industry causes 18 percent of our greenhouse gas emissions, mostly due to the release of methane from animals.” Livestock also consume huge amounts of resources and space in efforts to feed ourselves as well as the controversy over cruelty to animals. Ikeda’s recycled poop burger would reduce waste and emissions, not to mention obliterating Dante’s circle for gluttons.

Just planning ahead here, I think you might need a catchier name than “Recycled Poop Burger.”  Oops, spoke too soon, looks like Jerry Bruckheimer already wants to buy the option.

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High Kick Girl high-kicked its way into my heart with an awesome teaser a few months ago and I’ve been following it closely ever since (sometimes I sleep outside its bedroom window).  I have the new trailer after the jump, and it still doesn’t have English subtitles, but luckily the language of Asian girls in short skirts kicking people in the face is universal.  Also: pay special attention to the knee to the head she takes at the 1:19 mark.  How awesome is that sound effect?  It sounds like they recorded a melon being crushed.  That’s probably how they disposed of it after cutting a hole in it, putting it in the microwave, and making love to it. I think there’s a metaphor in there.
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A boring-ass day in the world of movie news, what’s a guy to do?  I know, let’s see what the Japanese are up to.  Hey, looks like they’ll be releasing Minoru Kawasaki’s Executive Koala on DVD next month.  What’s that about?

Tamura works in the offices of a Japanese pickle distribution company. He is conscientious, well liked in the office and has a loving girlfriend Yoko. He is a six foot tall koala bear. One day Yoko his girlfriend turns up dead and Tamura is the chief suspect and so sets out to prove his innocence. He is hampered by gaps in his memory, flashbacks of spousal abuse and the fact that his first wife dissappeared. As any intelligent Koala would he enlists the help of his boss (a white rabbit) and a bartender (frog) to help him discover the truth. Can he prove his innocence? Can he help his company pull off a pickle deal? And what does his bartender and his boss know about the two-hundred year old terrifying secret behind the EXECUTIVE KOALA? [QuietEarth]

*swoon*
Honestly, you had me at “six-foot-tall koala bear”.