As we all know, 2012 was the year C-Tates broke, with the hardest twerkin man in show business scoring huge hits with The Vow ($196 million worldwide), 21 Jump Street ($202 million), and Magic Mike ($167 million). Who would’ve thought 21 Jump Street would get a sequel? People liked him so much that Paramount pushed the release of GI Joe: Retaliation back almost a year just five weeks before its originally-scheduled opening. Well guess what? It made $41.2 million over the weekend and Paramount has already ordered the sequel. He is risen.

The G.I. Joe sequel grossed an estimated $41.2 million this weekend, which ranks as the second-highest Easter debut ever behind 2010′s Clash of the Titans ($61.2 million). Including Thursday, the movie has earned $51.7 million; that’s a bit below G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra‘s $54.7 million three-day start in August 2009. For its three major stars, this is also a potent opening: it ranks third-highest for Channing Tatum, second-highest for The Rock, and it’s remarkably the top debut ever for a Bruce Willis movie.

I don’t what part of that last sentence is more incredible, that Bruce Willis’s highest-opening movie is GI Joe 2, or that Channing Tatum already has two higher-opening movies than Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis! That’s incredible. He’s been a movie star since C-Tates was sagging his diapers.

Elsewhere, Tyler Perry continued to print money with Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, starring Kim Kardashian, which earned $22.3 million. Can you believe that’s not a joke? I’m still not convinced.

It’s also Perry’s ninth movie ever to open over $20 million; the only two other directors who have that many $20 million debuts are Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis. [BoxOfficeMojo]

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They’re watching Rise of Cobra.

Opening Everywhere: GI Joe: Retaliation, The Host, Temptation, The Place Beyond the Pines

Movie That I’m Going To Hunt Down Even If I Have To Walk 500 Miles: Room 237 (It’s a documentary about The Shining)

Special Plug: The Manson Family is being re-released for another limited theater run, with the following upcoming cities and dates:

3/30/2013 Landmark’s Sunshine Cinema – New York, NY
3/30/2013 Alamo Drafthouse Vintage Park – Houston, TX
4/03/2013 Granoff Center for the Arts – Providence, RI
4/05/2013 Landmark’s Ritz Bourse – Philadelphia, PA
4/05/2013 Landmark’s Egyptian Theatre – Seattle, WA
4/06/2013 Landmark’s Egyptian Theatre – Seattle, WA

You can check out the rest of the upcoming dates and details here.

FilmDrunk Suggests: Spicy Nacho Doritos. Oh, you mean for a movie? I don’t know, people are actually telling me good things about GI Joe: Retaliation – at least from the “Dude, it’s hilarious” point of view – so maybe that. Especially since a very significant plot point was already spoiled for me. Hold on… yes, I’m being told via Morse code that GI Joe: Retaliation has no plot points. Carry on.

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THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: Not that they ever left, but diagonal horizon lines are back in a big way this week. In addition, we’ve got Iron Man, new Stephenie Meyer, a motion poster, and more!

Big Ass Spider!: I believe this movie and poster design is called “the direct approach.” “Yeah, so our movie is called Big Ass Spider! and it’s about a big ass spider.” That’s a great elevator pitch.

I’d like to know what plane of existence that ambulance is driving on, but I assume that will be explained. Perhaps it’s some kind of campy Escher painting.
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This week in posters is back, and just in time for some new Spring Breakers posters. I’ll be honest, I’m struggling to say anything about this besides Ashley Benson’s name while I bit my knuckle, but instead I’ll simply say that a teeny-bopper movie with a bunch of Disney Channel queens from notorious dicknosers Harmony Korine and James Franco is something I’d pay at least double the price of admission for. I’m dying to know what glorious dicknose is in store for us with this one.

Also, these chicks are all like 18 to 22, aren’t they? Do we really need all the airbrushing? Cut it out with the filters, I want to see every dimple. Uh, I mean… airbrushing is a sexist tool of the patriarchy that promotes an unhealthy body image among impressionable young girls. (Phew, good save, Mancini, good save).
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I know what you guys are thinking, the last Twilight movie is just weeks away, and then it will be gone, a hole left in your heart like the time your cat Renesmee tried to kill you and your husband had to beat it to death with his C-Pap mask. But chins up, there’s more Stephenie Meyer goodness on the horizon! Here’s the first full trailer for The Host, based on the book by Stephenie Meyer, directed by In Time’s Andrew Niccol and starring that chick from Atonement, Slainte Ronin I think her name is, about a future where aliens are taking over humans’ bodies. At least, until they try to take over the body of one white chick, WHOSE LOVE IS SO POWERFUL IT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING!

“Human bodies take a lot of getting used to. They’re not like the others we have inhabited. Their emotions are powerful.”

SPARKLE ME, ALIEN! SPARKLE ME RAW!

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