Temple Hill Entertainment, one of the production companies behind Twilight, has acquired the movie rights to L.A. Candy, the “book” that was “written” by The Hills “star” Lauren Conrad.  “Why, that’s the best news I’ve ever heard!” said Dr. Opposite.

Conrad will be exec producer through her Blue Eyed Girl Prods. banner. The book, published in June by HarperCollins, has been on the bestseller lists of the New York Times for 14 weeks.  Informed by Conrad’s experiences, “L.A. Candy” tells the story of a 19-year-old who moves to Hollywood, quickly finds fame as a reality series star and then has to deal with the ramifications of living a fishbowl life. Conrad plans to write two more books [tentatively title 'Pestilence' and 'Locusts' -ed.] on the reality travails of protag Jane Roberts.

WOOF.

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“If you watch The Wonder Years without the narration, it’s 95% people staring at each other.”  Oh my God, it’s true!  It’s like the period piece version of The Hills!  [via OhHaveYouSeenThis]

Your Daily Circle Jerk Links:

• Here’s the ‘Rampage’ entry in Fantastic Fest’s Uwe Boll Totally Awesome Videogames Filmmaking Competition.  And that’s probably the first and last time you’ll see ‘Uwe Boll’, ‘awesome’, and ‘filmmaking’ in the same sentence. |G4|
• YES. The 7 Best Mexican-Related Urban Dictionary entries.  It’s like someone reached inside my brain and pulled out a unicorn.  The “Mexican Chocolate Factory” is an interesting variation on Space Docking.  How intriguing. |HolyTaco|
• Jeff Ross on the Adam Carolla podcast. |AdamCarolla|
• Of course.  Roman Polanski reviews ‘Hannah Montana’.  |ScreenJunkies|
• Top tens after week four of college football.  I dunno, this seems like a lot of math… |BleacherReport|
• Best celebrity boobs of the last decade. Seriously, if the compiler of this list worked for me and he showed up with a list that ranked Carmen Electra and Giada De Laurentiis higher than Diora Baird, he’d not only be fired but chemically castrated.  I SAID ‘GOOD DAY!’ |Gunaxin|
• The 15 greatest fart scenes in movies. Kevin James just came. |WorldofIsaac|
• Kelly Brook nude… and sadly SFW.  Who does this bitch think she is? |YesBitch|
• The American Mustache Institute urges you to vote Oates.  John Oates, that is. |AMI|
• DID SOMEONE SAY CATS IN CLOTHES??? |WarmingGlow|

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A while back, MTV was doing an interview with Charlize Theron, and she decided to weigh in on The Hills because she gets down like that.

Why?  Why is it so big?  It’s about nothing!  You can tell me right here to my face, that Reindeer Games is a piece of shit, that’s totally fine, but The Hills is about nothing!

More recently, Heidi Shitforbrains and Spencer McDouche were at a Taco Bell helping to fight world hunger (no, really) and decided to respond to Charlize Theron as if anyone cares what they think.  Spencer had this to say:

Reindeer Games, that was about what?  I think she’s about 65 or something.  She’s been in the game for like 100 years.

Ooh, good one, ripping on the movie she already conceded was no good.  What else you got?  I bet you think she’s totally fat, huh Spencer.  Did you know she was South African too?  So basically she’s just a fat, poor, old, foreigner who wears ugly shoes. What else is in the white private school pussy insult handbook?  Seriously though, literally everyone in the world wishes you were dead.