Opening this week – click the title for the trailer:   

The Incredible Hulk
It’s getting pretty good reviews, if you consider "It was okay, I guess…" a good review, which RottenTomatoes does.  Maybe they should change the name to The Mildly Entertaining Hulk.  Kurt Loder describes it as a "simple monster romp"; the same line I use to get chicks into bed.  In related news, Kurt Loder is still alive.  The other day I saw a Mexican guy with a "Norteño" tattoo.  I figure he must be Ed Norton’s biggest fan.

The Happening – click anywhere for trailer
Gosh, you know I’d forgotten this was coming out today until now.  I really hope it sucks as much as I hope it sucks, so Manny can stamp his little feet about what meanies all the critics are.  If it’s as bad-good as Wicker Man, I may have to put on a bear suit and punch myself.

Baghead
Surprise, it’s not about Fergie.  She should grow out her pubes and change her name to Furgy.  My aunt used to do that.

Quid Pro Quo
Wow, great title.  What were the other choices?  

Kicking It
The alternate title for Friday is actually a documentary about the Homeless World Cup.  Which is not nearly as much fun as the Hobodeo, where you ride a hobo until he or she bucks you off while your friends throw full beer cans at your head.

Like strip clubs, posters for The Happening are a little different south of the border. 

Fox Mexico’s unique marketing campaign behind "The Happening" has some here thinking the M. Night ["The Dickhead"] Shyamalan thriller contains scenes filmed in Mexico.
That’s because Fox Mexico has altered the poster to give it a local flavor [¡Ay que pico! -Ed.]. The original poster depicts a line of abandoned cars on a two-lane highway leading to a U.S. city on the horizon. The Mexican one-sheets, in contrast, show a similar scene with backdrops of emblematic landmarks in Mexico City, Guadalajara and Monterrey, the nation’s three largest cities. [THR]

Dude, you can’t just change the movie to suit the country you advertise in.  Still, other studios are following suit.  German ads for The Incredible Hulk depict him smashing the windows of Jewish-owned businesses, while in China, the Joker works in a nail salon.

No word on why they re-titled it The End of Times or chose not to change his name to "M. Noche".

Here’s my impression of the people in the new Happening poster: Whooooaaaa, I’m feelin woooozy… everything’s all distorted… it’s like I’m in a crappy movie or something…

OR 

…Feel the vibration… Feel it, feel it… 

Daddy’s back, bitches.  Expect a rise in rape jokes and inappropriate touching.

The second red-band trailer for The Happening has hit the web (got them both after the jump).  Ever since the first review compared it to Wicker Man I’ve had a serious schadenfreude boner for this film (but then, is there any other kind of boner?).

This trailer gives us more of a taste of Wahlberg’s acting.  Much as I love Marky Mark, he’s got that freaked-out-about-something-no-one-else-notices thing going on in this that worked so well for Nic Cage in Wicker Man.  It’s always exciting when the protagonist’s acting volume is ten notches above anyone else.  WHY IS IT BURNED WHYISITBURNED!?  I WILL DRESS LIKE A BEAR AND KARATE KICK EVERY BITCH IN HERE UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER!!

I’m sure The Happening won’t be that awesome, but a little girl can dream.  

Here’s a short, violent red band trailer [from joblo] for The Happening, directed by the most modest man ever ever, who had this to say about his ART:

If something happens during the movie and you think, "That’s dumb," it’ll be because whatever happened was actually too amazing for you to fully understand, or possibly a metaphor for something really crazy and cool.

You ungrateful heathens can watch another clip over at /film (fast forward to 1:50 if you can’t handle the sexiness of my boyfriend M. Night Shyamalan’s introduction).  I hope the twist at the end of this movie is that it was all an elaborate social psychology experiment set up by Philip Zimbardo.

Fair warning, the trailer is violent.  I’m talking Machine Girl violent.  Watch it after the jump, if you’re into that sort of thing.  – RoboPanda