The best excerpts from the undergraduate thesis on The FP

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.09.13

I’m a little late to the party on this one, but last week, Drafthouse posted an undergraduate thesis on the subject of The FP (a favorite around here), entitled “The FP: A Reflection of Cultural Change and Stereotype Exploitation,” from some intercultural communications students at the University of Texas at San Antonio, Forrest Good, Jacqueline Ramstack and Demar Hall. Suffice to say, I read the entire thing. It’s awesome in the way that quotes from blackout drunks embedded into a dry police report are awesome, that endlessly compelling cocktail of clinical robot prose and vulgar vernacular, like making Stephen Hawking read a Penthouse letter.

I’ve excerpted my favorite quotes below:

The lack of alcoholics has caused the local duck population to flee, seeing as there is no one to feed them. As the character KCDC, played by Art Hsu, framed it, “What’s a f*ckin’ town with no ducks, JTRO? It’s nothin’! It ain’t nothin’! How’s a nigga supposed to sort his shit out without no ducks?” (Trost 2011).

Probably the first time in academic history that a motivational speech about bringing back the town’s supply of booze and ducks has been used in a citation. Hopefully not the last.

The FP takes these concepts to an extreme, because it employs the monomyth, it is put in the same cultural conversation as many legitimately respected writings across the world such as Beowulf or The Lord of the Rings.

“…such as Beowulf or Lord of the Rings.” On one hand, I hope they mean the books, because I don’t like the idea that Beowulf and the Lord of the Rings movies are considered “legitimately respected.” If they mean the books, I like to imagine they pulled them blindly from a dirty pillowcase marked “EXAMPLES.”

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The 12-ish Best Films of 2012

Written by Vince Mancini / 12.29.12

At times it can be nearly impossible to squeeze your reactions to a film into the narrow rubric of A through F, or on-a-scale-of-one-to-ten grades. What if I love the first 110 minutes of a film but despise the next 15? Do I try to score it round by round like the unified rules used by the UFC and Bellator, or just try to get a sense of it as a whole, like the Japanese model from the Pride days? Who knows, maybe I shouldn’t even try to apply MMA rules. Maybe diving or figure skating judging would be more applicable. But if so, how do I calculate degree of difficulty? Do I use the old Ukranian model, or apply the Bellman-Krzewszewski toe-loop differential? So many questions, friends, so many questions.

But in the end, we all know that questioning the end-of-the-year ranking system is what sissies do. We live in a hard world that demands hard quantification and I’m just the hard man to hammer you with my hard on. I’m going to make some bold choices here, because that’s what men do. I just tore a Chipotle burrito in half and screamed at it like it was a dead wildebeast. LET ME HEAR YOUR WAR CRY! KEEEIAAAIIIAAA! Which is to say, I’m not here to justify the existence of rankings, I’m manning up and offering rankings because the universe demands rankings. Besides, what’s the point of writing about movies if it’s not to start heated, unresolvable arguments over subjective, unquantifiable perceptions of make-believe? KNIVES OUT, SH*THEADS! IT’S TIME TO END SOME FRIENDSHIPS! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

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Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming: The Cabin In The Woo —AHHH! No Spoilers!!!

Written by Morton Salt / 09.18.12

Spoiler alert: One of these three actors shows her breasts in the movie.

First things first: There’s  a brand new deluxe blu-ray box set of the Indiana Jones films out today.  Yes, it includes the fourth one, but no, you shouldn’t bitch about it because it really isn’t that much worse than the other three.  As for truly new DVDs, there’s The Cabin In The Woods, and a bunch of other crap that isn’t nearly as good.  We’ve got Olivia Munn, Morgan Freeman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Adrien Brody, Pierce Brosnan, Ethan Hawke, and Michael Biehn.  There’s zombies vampires, sharks, dragons, and even an angel.  What more could you want?

The DVDs:
The Cabin In The Woods
The Babymakers
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
The Magic Of Belle Isle
Hysteria
Detachment
Conception
Salvation Boulevard
The Woman In The Fifth
The Revenant
The Do-Deca-Pentathlon
The Victim
Bait
Dawn Of The Dragonslayer
Godforsaken
Battlefield America

You want to know which movie is all about vibrators?  Want to know which one is full of old British people?  Maybe they are the same movie.  The only way to know for sure is to continue reading on the next page.  If  you find the thought of dried up, old women with bad teeth drilling themselves with power dildos off-putting, click here for the Netflix suggestions, because I always keep those nice and classy.

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Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming: Vince Gains A Modicum Of Legitimacy

Written by Morton Salt / 06.19.12

Vince's mom is telling her friends that he's an influential writer, Vince's dad is telling his friends that Vince should get a real job already, and Vince is telling me I have to remind everyone that he's got a critic's blurb on the cover of The FP.

Obviously, the big news in DVD land this week is the release of The FP.  Buy it now and you can be the proud owner of a FilmDrunk sticker! Or at least as sticker that has the FilmDrunk logo on it. Besides that ‘Beautifully Absurd!‘ (Vince Mancini, FilmDrunk) flick, there’s the latest Paul Rudd comedy, a high school party that got out of hand, Jason Segel, Ed Helms, Nic Cage, a bag of hammers, Father Tom Arnold, a sexy film about boney French people boning sexily, and an evil ventriloquist’s dummy. As if there were any other kind.

Vince’s Note: I haven’t talked about The FP much lately because I figured you were sick of it by now, but now’s your chance to see it! I’ve got TWO FREE DVDS to give away in honor of the release, and since I don’t feel like doing a contest, they’re going to the first two people to email me. [UPDATE: CLOSED]

The DVDs:
The FP
Wanderlust
Project X
Jeff Who Lives At Home
Seeking Justice
Big Miracle
Cat Run
A Bag Of Hammers
Keyhole
Exit Humanity
The Legend Of Hell’s Gate
The Jerk Theory
Four Lovers
Snow On Tha Bluff
P.O.E.: Poetry Of Eerie
Grave Danger

As always, the real fun begins on the next page.  Click on that big green “CONTINUE READING…”, you know you want to. If you’re feeling contrary, at least click here for this week’s Netflix streaming suggestions. Read the rest of this entry »

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Move Over Pete Hammond & The ExPandables 2 – Morning Links

Written by AMB / 04.13.12

FilmDrunk’s first qoute on a DVD/Blu-ray jacket! Everything’s coming up Millhouse! [via dvdactive]

MORNING LINKS
Photoshops Assemble! Fun with The Avengers Premiere |Film Drunk|

Woman Seeking Man Who Knocked Her Up In The Bathroom At Megadeth/Motorhead Show On Craigslist |UPROXX|

Frotcast 95: Fantasy Summer Box Office w/Laremy, Thomas Kinkade, Mel Gibson |Frotcast|

Check out more movie posters featuring animals |TheShiznit|

Facebook Looks To Change The Way We Watch Movies With Bob Marley Documentary |Smoking Section|

Capybaras That Look Like Rafael Nadal Is Our New Favorite Tumblr |With Leather|

Kid With Awesome Cardboard Arcade Gets College Scholarship |Gamma Squad|

TV’s 10 Most Profitable Shows Include All the Shows You Hate |Warming Glow|

12 Problems Only Busty Girls Have |Buzzfeed|

Pizza Pizza Daddy-O! |Videogum|

17 Sexiest Grilled Cheese Sandwiches |HuffPost Comedy|

Adult Swim Interview: Eagleheart’s Chris Elliott on Gothic Architecture |Adult Swim|

Ten infamous showbiz urban legends debunked |Fark|

6 High-Profile Actor Bromances |ScreenJunkies|

‘Deal With It, I’m Guy Pearce’ |Moviefone|

Man Walks Across Australia In Stormtrooper Armor to Raise Money For Kids |The FW|

Courtney Love is at it again |TheSuperficial|

If Joss Whedon Were Casting The Avengers in 2002, It Might Look Something Like This |Pajiba|

Six Awesomely Human Moments from Louie |Unreality|

Fun Facts About the 11 “Greatest Books for Kids” |Mentalfloss|

Florida’s Safe Sex for Seniors PSA Is Awesome |Brobible|

Instagram + Boobs = Boobstagram |TheDailyWhat|

It Gets Bigger: A Message Of Hope |High Definite|

NOMINATE for Comments of the Week. BUY FilmDrunk shirts. FOLLOW Vince on Twitter. FAN US on Facebook.

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