The Final Destination won the weekend again with a lackluster $12.4 mil, down 54.6% from its first weekend, which is actually pretty good for a crappy horror film.  Do we even have to still keep calling these “horror films”?  That seems like giving them too much credit.  How about “loud noise flicks”.

All About Steve pulled in $11.2 million for number two, which is sad considering it is, to my knowledge, the worst reviewed film of the year.  Jesus, could they make the poster look any more like Simple Jack? What the f’ck is she doing?  Why the f’ck is she holding an umbrella?  Who the f’ck’s idea was this? You’ve done it again, Fox execs.  Here, have a  herring and a red ball to balance on your snout.

Elsewhere, Inglourious Basterds landed in the three spot (which your mom lets me do sometimes) and should cross $100 million in a few weeks.

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I noticed this the first time I watched the trailer but I didn’t say anything for some reason, and now a bunch of other sites have beaten me to the punch.  Anyway, the “controversy” is that there’s a scene in The Final Destination in which one of the characters has his intestines sucked out of his butthole by a pool drain.  Which, depending on how you look at it, is a ripoff of Chuck Palahniuk’s short story “Guts” which appears in Haunted and was published in Playboy and other places.  Is it a ripoff?  Is it an homage?  Does it even matter, since Palahniuk’s story was itself based on a fairly well-known urban legend (update: okay, I guess it’s not a legend since it’s actually happened a few times)?

There’s also a scene in the movie in which they zoom in really fast on a character’s eyeball to show that he’s psychic, one of my favorite movie clichés.  I’d like to see a quick-eyeball-zoom on Gary Busey, except it just fades into a family of squirrels playing beach volleyball.  I digress, but join me after the jump, where I’ll spoil both the ending of the Palahniuk story and the pool scene in the movie.  But if you honestly care about me spoiling The Final Destination, I hate you and I hope you die.

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Okay, fess up: do you know anyone who saw The Final Destination this weekend?  I know a few people (biblically, boosh), and I’m pretty sure no one I know saw it.  Yet it made almost $30 million and was number one at the box office this weekend.  Which leads me to believe there’s a giant underground city out there somewhere full of  three million toothless Final Destination-loving yokels.  Now there’s your horror movie plot.  Wait, no — chick with huge tits discovers underground yokel city.  There, now it’s perfect.  Pay me.  ADDITIONAL FUN FACT: This week’s number one was originally slated for home video release.  That’s right, some movie execs actually overestimated the country’s intelligence level.  That’s it, I’m buying a helmet.

Elsewhere, Nikki Finke writes:

But even Hollywood is embarrassed by the fact that this weekend’s Top 4 competing films featuring horror, death, gore, mayhem, war, Nazis, aliens, and sci-fi all did so well at the box office. “What a sad statement on movie-going humanity,” a top studio exec emailed me. “And let’s look at the ratings for the top 4 movies at the box office tonight: ‘R’, ‘R’, ‘R’, and ‘R’. Yikes.”

Oh please. Hollywood is embarrassed about Nazis now? They make a new Holocaust movie every two weeks. Or does it not count as a Nazi movie if there’s also a pianist with Bell’s Palsy? And aside from Final D and H2,  Inglourious Basterds and District 9 clocked in at number two and four, and both of those are clearly films aimed at literate adults, which is about the best we can hope for in the age of G-Force and Paul Blart.  But I can see how the success of challenging, auteur-driven, R-rated flicks might be scary to someone who spends all day preparing Venn diagrams about Kevin James talking to zoo animals.  Dear “top studio exec”: F yourself.  F yourself in your huge vagina.

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Opening this weekend:

The Final Destination
We can only hope.  Directed by the guy who did Snakes on a Plane.  Titties n’ death, y’all.

Halloween II
Aka H2, Rob Zombie’s sequel to his remake of Halloween.  Hopefully it will be twice as good as his last Halloween movie and I can not watch it twice as hard.

There’s some other stuff out in limited release — Big Fan, Taking Woodstock — but I’ll probably take the weekend to catch up on Inglourious Basterds and District 9, or possibly drink enough to forget that they’re still making Final Destination movies.

After the jump I’ve got the trailer for The Final Destination, starring some chick’s ass.  This is actually the fourth Final Destination movie, but instead of using a number they just added “the” to the title.  Sort of the opposite approach to Fast and Furious.  What, was 4inal Destination not classy enough?  This is a movie about a girl drowning at a car wash we’re talking here.  Directed by the guy who did Snakes on a Plane.  You could call it Titteez n’ Deth 7 and your target audience wouldn’t bat a flipper.

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