Opening:

Speed Racer
Yahoo has the first seven minutes of Speed Racer online (watch it after the jump), and I’m pretty comfortable saying that it’s like being stuck in a retarded 10-year-old’s coma fantasy.  It’s totally new and different, and revolutionary in how much it hurts the fuck out of my face and brain.  By the end, I was curled into a fetal position, crying into the beige towel I wrapped around my head.  Shoulda taken the blue pill.

What Happens in Vegas
The Las Vegas Board of Tourism reminds you not to think too hard.  If you’ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you’ve already seen this.  If you still want to see it, it’s probably because you’re really pretty and all your friends are just jealous bitches.

The Fall
Has potential and has received rave reviews from some, but in my mind awesome visuals don’t outweigh the little girl and her creepy accent.  Or maybe she’s really cute, what the hell do I know.  I just want them to make a prequel called Chick with Big Cans Walking Down Stairs.

The Fall (“presented” by David Fincher and Spike Jonze) was directed by Tarsem Singh, the director of The Cell – a movie that had some pretty crazy visuals, but also Jennifer Lopez.  From what we’ve seen of The Fall (opening May 9th), it has some pretty crazy visuals, but also a little chubby girl with an annoying accent.

For some it’s snakes, spiders, or midgets, but everybody has their irrational fears.  Mine happens to be little kids with speech impediments.  They creep me the hell out.  Back when I was a substitute teacher, a kid came up to me to ask if he could go to the bathroom, but when he opened his mouth he had an atrocious lisp.  Next thing I knew I was standing on top of my chair hitting him in the head with a rolled up newspaper.  

[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip] 

The Fall, opening in limited release in May, has two new posters.  The synopsis sounds kind of cheesy:

In a hospital a little girl with a broken collar bone meets a bedridden man who starts telling her a fantastical story which reflects his state of mind. As time goes by fiction and reality start to intertwine in this uplifting epic fantasy.

But the trailer (after the jump) and the stills released so far look pretty badass. How shall we solve this dilemma?  I say Russian roulette.   

[Source] 

IGN has some new stills from The Fall (go there for more and higher res pics).

You might remember The Fall trailer I posted a while ago.  Directed by Tarsem Singh and shot in India, it premiered at the 2006 Toronto International Film Festival, and is now being “presented” by Spike Jonze and David Fincher and getting a limited release in April. 

Even if it’s just another “child’s fairytales come true” movie, the visuals look amazing.  Singh previously directed The Cell, which also had some cool looking stuff in it, even though it was super cheesy and had a lame ending (omg he saved the girl just as she was about to drown – I never saw that coming!).  Anyway, The Fall looks much cooler, and contains 100% less J.Lo – which always bodes well. 

This is the trailer for The Fall, directed by Tarsem Singh and “presented” by Spike Jonze and David Fincher.

In a hospital a little girl with a broken collar bone meets a bedridden man who starts telling her a fantastical story which reflects his state of mind. As time goes by fiction and reality start to intertwine in this uplifting epic fantasy.  [IMDB]

Watching the main guy in it start telling the little girl a story, at first I figured it would be just another children’s fantasy flick where talking unicorns fight with evil centaurs and shit.  But as it went along I started noticing that the cinematography was super badass (as the scientists like to say).  But then I was worried Brendan Fraser would still show up at the end to give it the kiss of death, but he never did.

Instead it got Spike Jonze and David Fincher’s names on it, and a quote from Roger Ebert.  Ebert quotes are a lot more persuasive now that the alternative is Harry from AICN (examples here, here and here). But I dunno, from what I’ve seen so far, I’d bone this movie.  It’ll be in limited release in March.