A Relativity Media remake of The Crow has been in the works for a while now (I guess you could call it a “reboot,” if you count the non-Brandon Lee sequels to the original, which I don’t), was newsworthy mainly for its epically bad casting choices that at various points involved Eric Draven being played by Bradley Cooper, James McAvoy, Mark Wahlberg, or Channing Tatum. I don’t know if you’d call this an improvement (you can’t improve on C-Tates, it’s scientifically impossible), but the part has gone to Luke Evans. Luke Evans also won the lead in Dracula Year Zero recently, so apparently he’s the gothiest man in Hollywood.

The Crow will fly with Welsh actor Luke Evans playing the title role in the F. Javier Gutierrez-directed franchise reboot for Relativity Media. Evans was the original choice, but he has been incredibly busy. He was just cast as the lead in Dracula Year Zero, he is the villain in Fast & Furious 6 and is Bard the Bowman in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Evans seemed to be unavailable because of production on Dracula and promotion on The Hobbit. The distributor looked at Tom Hiddleston and more recently Alexander Skarsgard, the latter of whom has a bunch of offers after Warner Bros halted Tarzan. Ultimately, they have decided to push the start date to early next year to accommodate his schedule in order to secure Evans, who is currently promoting the release of Fast 6.

I guess if fans get mad when you try to cast a WASP, two whiggers, and a spindly Scottish intellectual, you can always shut them up by casting the Delaware of movie actors (sorry, Luke Evans, no one knows who you are yet). In any case, let me be the first to say CAW! CAW! BANG! F*CK! WHO CARES!

Luke Evans, this year’s recipient of the Sam Worthington Memorial Award for Achievements in Unremarkability.

Photo Credit: Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com

Last time we heard about Relativity Media’s reboot (remake?) of The Crow, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo was directing and it was set to star Bradley Cooper in the lead. Which is like casting the captain of the lacrosse team as the head goth. To make matters worse, leaked concept art had Cooper wearing a top hat like Slash with a vest and basically looking like a Jonas Brother with eyeliner (the horror…). Fresnadillo and Cooper both wisely bailed on the project in late 2011, and, I sh*t you not, Relativity wanted to cast Mark Wahlberg or Channing Tatum instead. Now they’ve got another three-named Latino directing, F. Javier Gutierrez, and word is that James McAvoy is “circling” the lead, whatever that means.

Anyone else wonder if they just floated those ideas about Bradley Cooper and Channing Tatum so that this one would sound less stupid?

Bloody Disgusting has been on the forefront on most of the casting news for Relativity’s The Crow reboot. And even though we were once mocked for announcing that Mark Wahlberg was in serious discussion, it eventually came out via the actor that we were 100% correct. The same insider is back again with another whopper of a tip…
James McAvoy, who blew our minds as Charles Xavier in X-Men: First Class, is circling Relativity’s long-gestured remake. He would star as Eric Draven, a man brutally murdered whom comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée’s murder. [Bloody-Disgusting]

Back in 1994, those heady days of Friends and Green Day starting mudfights, a goth hero in face paint and tight black leathers killing people and wailing on the guitar seemed fresh and kind of novel (as did Bai Ling). In 2013, I have to assume that we’re going to get Slipknot songs and a Crow who looks like Mask from Tapout (*pours out energy drink*). I mean Slipknot is best case scenario. But who knows, I’m sure the company that thought Brad Cooper in a tophat was a good idea can make the kind of creative decisions that will keep this both fresh and respectful. Godspeed, you geniuses.

My idea for a reboot is called The Crowe, about a fat Australian who goes around throwing meat pies at people who make fun of his band. The key to his invincibility is an old hoagie he keeps in his pocket.