The trailer for The Beaver, the Jodie Foster-directed film about Mel Gibson and his talking beaver puppet has finally hit the web, and you’ll be happy to know that for the first time, googling “beaver” and “trailer” doesn’t pull up a picture of your mom.  Anyway, I was really looking forward to this movie, and I was worried a little thing like Mel Gibson insulting all the races of the world might jeopardize us ever seeing it.  Luckily, not everyone’s a sensitive little flower like the cast of The Hangover, and it will reportedly hit theaters in Spring. (Unless the theaters keep running their mouth and end up buried in the rose garden).

So, now that we’ve seen the trailer… uh, what the hell is this?  Call me crazy, but when I heard Mel Gibson would play an alcoholic who starts speaking through a beaver puppet he found in the trash can, I was expecting a comedy, not uplifting piano music and some bizarre version of The Blind Side.

MEL GIBSON, YER CHANGIN’ THAT BEAVER’S LAAHFE!

BLOOOOW ME!

"The way you're dressed, beaver, you're lucky there's only one white fist up your ass."

[Apple via FirstShowing]

Who says these have to be mutually exclusive?

Jodie Foster’s Beaver may not open wide in the U.S. (which is a travesty of sapphic epic proportions), but things are looking up:

Digital Spy noticed that the film has been given a release date in the U.K., and it’s surprisingly soon: it will open on February 11th, against Black Swan, Just Go With It, No Strings Attached, and Yogi Bear. It’s being distributed by Icon, the British/Australian distributor founded and owned by Gibson himself—it obviously helps if the disgraced star of your latest movie also owns the company releasing it. [ThePlaylist]

Releasing the weekend before Valentine’s Day?  Because nothing says romance like Mel Gibson working out his issues with a therapy puppet.  I’m getting all hot just thinking about it.  Oh man, I hope this gets a full release (heh heh) in the US at the same time, so I can buy my Valentine a ticket to this and a box of chocolates (in that order) and put them with a note that says, “You should just smile and blow me.”  I find the earnest sentiments are always the most effective.

American Film Market just released this new promotional still (here’s the original — create your own here) from The Beaver, the Jodie Foster-directed Black List script starring Mel Gibson. I’ve been waiting patiently for this movie to get made for like two years now, and sadly, pack of N-words gate has made its future very uncertain — probably even more so since The Hangover 2 cast decided to act like a bunch of Hollywood phonies (allegedly).  But at the least, a new publicity still is a positive sign that we might actually get to see this someday.

I don’t want to spoil it by reposting the entire plot synopsis, but the gist of it is that Gibson plays the alcoholic owner of a toy company who hits rock bottom when his wife (played by Jodie Foster) leaves him.  That’s when he finds a beaver puppet in the trash, who begins speaking to him in a British accent and helps him turns his life around.  To anyone who makes these kinds of decisions: please, please release this film.

“Oi, guv, dese packs a blackfellas sure is a randy bunch, dey is.  ‘Specially wiff da way you’s dressed. Oy reckin it ‘as me cravin’ a fag, it does.” (*da sound of ‘eavy breavin’*)

[via ComingSoon]

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: Will Mel Gibson doom The Beaver? [heh heh]

As soon as the Mel Gibson tapes surfaced, you knew there would be mash ups. Asylum collected a few, but this one of Christian Bale calling Mel Gibson on the phone was my favorite.  It’s an obvious idea, but it’s hard to go wrong with anything that involves “OOOOH, GOOOD FER YOOOOU.”  There’s nothing like a a psychopath in the throws of incandescent rage who still has the presence of mind to use mocking sarcasm.

Meanwhile, in actual movie news, it sounds like exactly what I was worried about when Mel’s rant hit the news is coming to pass.  The Beaver looked like an interesting movie, and now who knows when we’ll ever get to see it.  YOU’VE SCREWED ME AGAIN, SECRET COALITION OF JEW BANKERS!

Foster is currently putting the finishing touches on The Beaver, a dramedy she not only directed, but costars in with the embattled actor. Gibson plays a man who develops a friendship with a hand puppet. An insider tells me that Summit Entertainment, the studio releasing Beaver, is at a standstill. “They don’t know what they’re going to do,” the source said. “It’s sort of a wait-and-see until Mel makes his next move.” [via E!Online]

Really, a wait and see?  Please, tell us, how do you see this playing out, Summit?  He’s already insulted the Jews, the blacks, the Mexicans, Las Vegas, pigs, anyone with breast implants, and threatened to kill his pregnant girlfriend.  At this point, the guy could invent cold fusion and cure cancer, and every time he ordered a sandwich at Arby’s, it’d still be 50 – 50 there was spit in it.

(“SUUUUUGAR TITS!”)

Here are some pictures of Mel Gibson with his new pet, JoJo the Jew-Hating Beaver.  “What’s that JoJo?  The Jews caused all of the wars?  Haha, I love you, JoJo.  Let’s go gnaw some wood for the oven.”

Read the rest of this entry »