Just like always, the Super Bowl yesterday was the only event of the year when people actually watch, let alone discuss, commercials. Almost all of them try to be funny these days, but it might surprise you to learn that a committee of professional salespeople trying not to offend anyone may not be the most effective way to create comedy. The only thing sure to be must-see TV are the GoDaddy commercials, because not even a thousand monkeys on a thousand tabs of acid with their brains set on shuffle could come up with as strange a combination of “hot-chick” spokespeople as Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser. Tim and Eric could huff ether-soaked rags for a week straight and not achieve that level of pure randomness.

Anyway, plenty of movies got in on the commercial action, including The Dictator, Act of Valor, The Avengers, GI Joe 2, John Carter, and Battleship. You can see all their spots here, and not on other sites, which I’ve never read, but I hear are for dong punchers.

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"Guys! Guys! I brought weed and pizza rolls!"

Marvel.com just released a batch of five new stills from The Avengers, and if these are any indication, the film will surely satisfy those fans desperate to see the Avengers staring intently at things and/or each other. Sarcasm aside, these were all incredibly boring. Everyone looked all serious and dour, so I thought they needed a dose of Chris Evans as Captain America, our little ray of sunshine. He’s such a rascal! (more after the jump)

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This week, Disney announced that Marvel’s The Avengers will be screened in 3D as well as 2D when it opens this May. The announcement seemed oddly timed, given that the movie has been shooting since April, and it usually doesn’t take this long for a multi-national corporation to decide it wants to make more money. That means the movie will be converted to 3D in post (post-converted 3D), and everyone promises the post-converted 3D won’t be as crappy as it was in Clash of the Titans.  Slashfilm points out that Joss Whedon actually shot the end-credit scene for Thor in 3D, and decided he didn’t want to deal with all the 3D rig’s extra equipment. Whedon spoke to JoBlo about it, presumably while they tried not to stare at his enormous forehead:

“there definitely are movies that shouldn’t be in 3D” while assuring fanboys “THE AVENGERS isn’t obnoxiously 3D.”
“There’s no, ‘Oh look, we’re going to spend 20 minutes going through this tunnel because it’s in 3D!’ And no one is pointing at the screen the entire time. But it’s an action movie. Things tend to hurtle toward the screen anyway.”
Whedon says he was 100% behind the [3D] idea. “Yeah, it’s fun!…I’m not a big fan of extreme long lens, talky movies – I like to see the space I’m in and relate to it, so 3D kinda fits my aesthetic anyway. And the technology has advanced so far in the past couple years.”

Call me crazy, but it seems to me that if you’re still trying to get people to buy into this 3D upsell in the midst of obvious signs of decline, you’d want to put its best foot forward. In Slate’s report on the health of 3D back in September, for example, they reported that 3D screenings for Captain America (also post-converted) were making one-third of the money that 2D screenings earned. At least if you’re going to make it in 3D (Editor’s Note: please don’t make it in 3D), shoot it in 3D. But who knows, maybe the technology has come a long way, and this time it’s going to be different, and blah blah blah, maybe it won’t be as underwhelming as pretty much every other 3D movie I’ve ever seen. 3D! The Future is Meh!

Though as long as we’re post-converting to 3D, how bout doing those Scarlett Johansson cell phone pics? I’m tired of mashing my face against the screen to see inside of her butt crack.

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My goodness, there’s certainly no shortage of movie-film trailers coming out today. Now that The Dark Knight Rises is out of the way, after the jump, I’ve got The Avengers (in German), Wrath of the Titans, and the trailer for the Prometheus trailer. That’s right, Prometheus has a trailer advertising the impending release of its trailer. That’s a lot of balls for a guy whose last movie was about a fat Robin Hood writing the Magna Carta.

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The above parody of this Avengers promo poster comes from artist Kevin Bolk, who explains:

I couldn’t help but notice that in most of the ad material, the guys are all in heroic stances but Black Widow is almost always in an impractical, curved-spine “booty shot” pose. Figured I’d flip it around for my lady friends out there. Seemed only fair. Them’s some strong male characters, amirite?

The only problem with this theory is that no one seems to know whether the poster being parodied is official marketing material or just fan art. Scarlett Johansson’s ass is definitely sticking out in the official character banners, but you could make a similar argument as to why the male characters’ ‘heroic stances’ so frequently involve not wearing sleeves. Everyone’s objectified in their own way. Also, maybe if Black Widow had any powers besides jiu-jitsuing people, she might get a different pose. As a jiu-jitsu practitioner myself, I can confirm that at least 85% of jiu-jitsu involves distracting your opponent with your pert, rock-hard ass. Mainly, I just posted it because I can’t get enough of the look on the Hulk’s face. That’s the sassiest asshole spread I’ve ever seen, and I’d like to think I know what I’m talking about here.

(*casually crosses off “incorporate the phrase ‘sassy asshole spreading’ into a post” on to-do list*)

[ComicsBeat]