By now you should all be familiar with The Asylum, a company that makes direct-to-DVD mockbusters like The Day the Earth Stopped and Snakes on a Train, starring people like Billy Zane and Richard Grieco, timed to coincide with their blockbuster counterparts. Their business model was working just fine until the distributors The Hobbit (perhaps you’ve heard of it), decided to sue Asylum over its entirely separate movie, Age of the Hobbits. Even worse, Warner Bros just won a temporary restraining order against it. Aw, c’mon, baby, can’t you see Age of Hobbits only acts this way because he loves you?

Warner Bros, New Line Cinema, MGM and producer Saul Zaentz today were granted the temporary restraining order they sought against Global Asylum’s mockbuster Age Of The Hobbits (read the order here). “There is substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused by Age Of Hobbits and mistakenly purchase the film intending to purchase The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey“, said federal judge Philip Gutierrez today. “Indeed, Plaintiffs have presented evidence that Asylum’s other films have caused confusion among consumers, who mistakenly purchase Asylum films intending to purchase a different film”.

Here is Warner Bros’ statement:
“This victory underscores the importance of protecting the unique work of our industry’s creative community from companies like Asylum, whose cynical business model is designed to profit from the work of others.  Their intent to create confusion in the marketplace on the eve of release of ‘The Hobbit,’ one of the most anticipated films of the year, has met with defeat.”

Oh yeah, because The Hobbit‘s bottom line is really going to suffer at the hands of all the confused aunties trolling Blockbuster going-out-of-business sales for their sick nephews. It’s too bad “OBJECTION! The prosecution is being a total dick right now,” isn’t a valid legal defense.

Hopefully the restraining order is the last victory for these corporate jerks, because The Asylum’s defense seems perfectly valid:

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Throughout the years, I’ve often posted trailers for movies produced by The Asylum, a company that specializes in making cheap knockoffs of the latest Hollywood blockbusters (you may remember The Asylum’s Almighty Thor, starring Richard Grieco as the Norse God of receding hairlines). I think Morton has included at least one Asylum release in every one of his weekly DVD columns. I’ve often wondered aloud if this is an entire industry built on confused moms and grandmas accidentally renting the wrong DVD. What a niche! The LA Times recently profiled the entire industry — ripping off hot blockbusters in direct-to-DVD releases is apparently called “drafting” — and the answer is, basically, yes.

But whereas the expensive versions cost their studios tens or even hundreds of millions of dollars in losses, even the least successful knockoffs usually manage to turn a profit.
“The business is as healthy as ever,” boasted [Asylum partner David] Rimawi, who claimed that his firm had never lost money on one of its mockbusters.

Some consumers do feel confused — and cheated. On Redbox’s Web page for “The True Story of Puss ‘N Boots” — yet another knockoff, this one produced in France — the 1,349 consumer reviews are overwhelmingly negative.
“I made the mistake of renting this thinking it was the Antonio Banderas version. BIG mistake,” said one consumer. Added another: “I think it was sleazy of this company to make the same movie another company was making in hopes people would rent/buy this one by mistake.”

But of course, most of the fun of the piece isn’t the industry news, it’s the titles of the knockoffs themselves.

“As people have migrated to these new platforms, it has been a great opportunity for us,” said Sam Toles, vice president of content and acquisitions for Gaiam Entertainment, distributor of the “Happy Feet” knockoff “Tappy Toes.” “We’re not trying to confuse people. We’re trying to take advantage of a level of interest in a concept that exists thanks to the major studio release.”

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GRAVITAS!

Hot dog, are there a lot of new movies this week! Besides Marky Mark, there’s Halle Berry, Michael Shannon, a Slytherin, some British Jews, several abortions, two movies about abortion, the latest from the prolific folks at The Asylum, and a Norse god waiting for mass transit.

The DVDs:
Contraband
Dark Tide
The Innkeepers
Pariah
The Wicker Tree
Albatross
Night Wolf
Return
Reuniting The Rubins
Some Days Are Better Than Others
One Kine Day
The Scarlet Worm
11-11-11
Nazis At The Center Of The Earth
Of Dolls And Murder
The Theatre Bizarre
The Fields
Wreckage
Planet Of Vampire Women
Thor At The Bus Stop

There’s a lot of ground to cover this week, so get reading on the next page.  Click here to jump to the streaming suggestions.

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Richard Grieco as the Norse God of Mischief, Broke-y

The Asylum is a studio (and I mean that only in the loosest sense of the word) that pumps out bad, direct-to-DVD ripoffs of blockbusters (Transformers + The Asylum = Transmorphers), reportedly averaging four months from script to “finished” product.  I don’t quite understand their business model, but it seems to rely on a combination of novelty value and confused grandmas.  They recently premiered the trailer for their latest release, Almighty Thor, and yes, the Norse God of Thunder is royalty free, thanks for asking.  Does it star Richard Grieco and wrestler Kevin Nash?  Does Thor shoot an uzi?  A hearty yes to all those questions.  My favorite part of this is imagining Johnny Depp turning down a 21 Jump Street spinoff back in 1989, with some agent telling him, “Kid! Trust me! You’re throwin’ away your career!  Do you know how much Grieco’s gonna make this year?  Opportunities like this don’t come along every day!”

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