After last year’s Worst Movies feature, I received feedback from some readers and Twitter folk about me possibly being “too negative” and “mean” when it came to criticizing films that I chose to watch for this annual hate crime report. Some people even pulled the “What movies have you written?” card, which is cheap because I can just turn around and ask what dog they’ve ever photoshopped a mustache on, and BOOM – argument over.

Hundreds, if not thousands, of films are made each year, and a lot of them are bad. That’s not just by my standards; that’s by the standards of the majority. I have never, in the several years that Vince has let me poison the quality of his website, proclaimed to be a critic. I am just a bro who likes watching movies, and I have a naïve innocence that lets me still believe that people in Hollywood care about making quality films. Then I watch Bucky Larson and that gullible side of me is shoved into a wood chipper.

So how, then, do I determine which of the many, many mainstream films that I have watched in 2012 are the absolute worst of the worst of the WORST? It’s a little pinch of common sense mixed with a dash of “Come on, that’s just f*cking awful”. But I also have some rules, and let’s review them now…

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The Amazing Spider-Man: This summer’s most popular superhero blockbuster for people who missed The Avengers and were too afraid of getting shot to go see The Dark Knight Rises.

If you were -justifiably- waiting for home video to check out The Amazing Spider-Man, well, this is your week.  If you’ve already seen it (or simply don’t want to) this is still your week.  Why?  Because there’s a truly amazing looking new documentary out called Dinotasia.  There’s also films starring Jude Law, Anthony Hopkins, Bruce Willis, Steven Seagal, and Wes Bentley.  There are films about red dogs, futuristic samurai, zombies and nazi zombies.  There’s even a found-footage flick that I actually enjoyed! All that and about a million Christmas movies starring dogs.  What more could you want?

The DVDs:
The Amazing Spider-Man
Arthur Christmas
Your Sister’s Sister
360
Fire With Fire
Maximum Conviction
Red Dog
Hirokin: The Last Samurai
Trishna
Dinotasia
[REC] 3: Genesis
The Pact
Outpost: Black Sun
The Legends Of Nethiah
Supernatural Activity
Nipples & Palm Trees

Streaming: Check out your choices here.

Want to know what Dinotasia‘s all about? Continue reading.  Want to know which found-footage movie is actually worth your time? Continue reading.  Want to know which film has a samuari?  It’s Hirokin: The Last Samuari.  That one’s a freebee, but you’re going to have to continue reading if you want to know who plays Hirokin. Of course if you hate Wes Bentley you can always skip the DVDs and click here for the Netflix suggestions.  Damn it, I think I did that wrong.  Oh well. Read the rest of this entry »

[via Screen Junkies]

MORNING LINKS
Christoph Waltz And The Muppets? Yes Please!
|Film Drunk|

John Hyams, a for reals filmmaker, joins the Frotcast to talk MMA, and share JCVD and Dolph Lundgren stories. |Frotcast|

I’m not really sure what’s going on here.
[via Final Ellipsis]

See Vince live November 13th at the Punchline Comedy Club |Events|

If You Vote On Election Day, Will Ferrell Will Do ANYTHING For You |UPROXX|

‘SNL’ Recap: Louis C.K. And Fun. |Warming Glow|

Ryan Lochte Wants You To Buy A Nissan, Bro |With Leather|

Behold, The Taco Cannon! |Gamma Squad|

10 Songs Swizz Beatz Ruined |Smoking Section|

Sexy Friday Gets A Special Submission |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Your family photo looks normal, said no one ever |theChive|

11 Reasons Why The NBA Is Going To Be Fun As Hell To Watch This Year |Buzzfeed|

Bertney’s Mama & Papa Won That Dang Ol’ Court Case ‘Gainst That There Mooslim
Fella (Not Obama) |The Superficial|

Scientific Reasons to Respect Light Beer |Mental Floss|

There’s Fun Out There, Somewhere |Videogum|

Drawing Dicks On The Herald Sun |Daily What|

George Clooney Is Abraham Lincoln’s Cousin |IDLYITW|

The Funniest Someecards Of The Week |HuffPost Comedy|

Dragon Baby |Clip Nation|

Report claims L.A. porn stars have more STDs than Nevada prostitutes |Fark|

7 Celebrities Whose Taste in Romantic Partners Took a Complete 180 |Pajiba|

Under Armor’s New Maryland Uniforms Make Me Hungry for Crab Cakes and
Football |Brobible|

The Best Fictional President |College Humor|

Seven Disney Villains You Might’ve Forgotten About |Unreality|

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In a strange twist, Vince and I actually agreed that The Amazing Spider-Man wasn’t just a lousy film, as it was also the same exact story as the original Spider-Man retold and simply filmed with a few different characters. And while I disagree with Vince saying that Alfred Molina as Dr. Octopus was the greatest comic book movie villain of all-time (I prefer Heath Ledger’s Joker, Jack Nicholson’s Joker, Ian McKellan’s Magneto and Tom Hiddleston’s Loki, to name a few), I can agree that he was by far the best Spider-Man villain. But then, that’s like saying Nick was the best 98 Degrees singer.

I guess that’s why Sony and director Marc Webb are trying to swing for the fences for a villain in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, as Variety reported yesterday that Jamie Foxx is in negotiations to play Electro, the guy with a starfish on his face. And according to Foxx’s Twitter, it’s probably going to happen.

Sources also told Variety that Foxx would play Electro, and Foxx later tweeted, “Dressed up as Electro for Halloween last night. Costume fits well.”

Electro is the alter ego of Max Dillon, an enemy of Spider-Man who gains the ability to control electricity after being struck by lightning. Created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko, the character first appeared in “The Amazing Spider-Man #9″ in February 1964.

Variety also points out that Sony is growing quite accustomed to cutting Foxx checks, as he’s starring in Django Unchained and what will obviously be the greatest action film in history, White House Down. But as for Electro, I agree with my Gamma Squad cousin Dan Seitz that Foxx is definitely an inspired choice for a comic book villain, but I just don’t like the Electro character. And if you’re going to have a character who has been struck by lightning, you won’t do it better than this…

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Aside from a few details – like the Lizard being the villain instead of Green Goblin, Emma Stone >>>>>>>>>>> Kirsten Dunst and Macho Man Randy Savage – I didn’t see much of a difference between the 2002 Spider-Man film and this year’s The Amazing Spider-Man. That’s probably because Columbia Pictures rushed this reboot to theaters so Marvel didn’t reclaim the rights to the franchise and add Spidey to The Avengers, but there might be a really small chance that Columbia just wanted to try telling the same story again. Hopefully with less singing this time.

But unlike the last Spidey trilogy, which featured Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen Stacy in the third installment, the Amazing version started off with Peter Parker’s original love interest, played by Stone. For the sequel, we’ll once again be introduced to Mary Jane Watson so she can start her whole cat fight with Gwen again. Who’ll play MJ? Columbia really really really wants Shailene Woodley. Hooray, star power.

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