Well, everyone, it’s Thanksgiving, and we celebrate, as is traditional, with lazily-posted themed supercuts and kitsch music videos while I tend to my ravioli sauce (a Thanksgiving without raviolis is no Thanksgiving at all). Just a quick note to say that I’m thankful for all of you glorious bastards who keep reading this site every day and save me from having to work in some crappy office somewhere (they may not know it, but that office is thankful too). You are the salt of the Earth, and I will fight anyone who talks bad about you, even small children. So good health to you and yours.

If you plan to see a movie with the fam as a way to keep from shouting at each other for a few hours (we all know the feeling), here’s a guide to our most recent reviews:

Life of Pi, B

Red Dawn (Laremy’s review), F

Silver Linings Playbook, B

Lincoln, B-

Flight, D+

Cloud Atlas, C+

The Sessions, B+

Alex Cross (Laremy), F

Seven Psychopaths, C

Argo, B+

Noticing a theme to the movies I make Laremy review? Oh, and if you plan on not leaving your couch (always an attractive option), here’s Morton’s most recent guide to DVD and streaming.

IF YOU DO PLAN ON LEAVING YOUR COUCH: Our friend Jason Dove is moderating a JFK 49th anniversary discussion (did you know that was today?) tonight at the Roxie Theater in San Francisco, where they’ll be screening a director’s cut of JFK and talking to guests like Lee Harvey Oswald’s girlfriend at the time of the assassination, and E. Howard Hunt’s eldest son. It should be wild.

Now, sing it with me: Mashed potatoes… AY! Drumstick microphones to all on this day.

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Look, it’s the day before Thanksgiving, I was drinking rye last night, and I think we all know that I’ll be mailing it in today. Luckily for me, Flavorwire made this great supercut of Thanksgiving Dos and Don’ts from the Movies, which is both a great watch for you, and an easy way to knock out a post for me. I give them a lot of credit for including Dutch, a movie I haven’t thought about in at least 18 years. Inspired.

And contrary to the advice contained in this video, I really feel like I need to see ThanksKilling.

Also, I submit: Scent of a Woman is Al Pacino’s most Al Pacino-y performance. Discuss.

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Those turkeys look like Skeksis. [via Holy Taco]

MORNING LINKS
“Yippee Ki-Yay Mother Russia.” Yes, That’s The Real Die Hard Tagline. |FilmDrunk|

Frotcast 123: David Gborie, Movie Marketing, Juggalo Vision Quests |Frotcast|

Sums up SF public transportation pretty well.
[via Humor Train]

What’s Going On With The Cast Of ‘Scrubs’ These Days? |Warming Glow|

Chineses Man Claims He Can Perform Hadokens
|With Leather|

The Official UK Trailer For ‘Assassin’s Creed 3′ Kicks A Redcoat Right In
The Balls |Gamma Squad|

Are We To Blame For This Video Of Lil Reese Beating Up A Young
Woman? |Smoking Section|

More NFL Ideas Taken From 11-Year-Olds |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Watch Charles Barkley Say ‘Penis’ Many Times Without Actually Saying
‘Penis’ In New Weight Watchers Ad |UPROXX|

I will ride my trusty unicorn to the land where the redheads roam |theChive|

Unfortunate Subway Poster Placement Of The Week |BuzzFeed|

Halloweentime Gallery: MMA’s Weirdest Walkout Costumes |Cage Potato|

Did a Cow Really Cause the Great Chicago Fire? |Mental Floss|

Homeless Man Made $40 To Appear In Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel
Wedding Video |The Superficial|

Vote with Your Gum. |The Daily What|

Taylor Swift Is Single Again |IDLYITW|

(click to enlarge)

Thanks to FoodStampDavis for sending me this lovely rendering of “T. Hanksgiving.” It looks like the first T. Hanksgiving, in fact. It’s great, but I’ll be honest, at least 90 percent of the reason I’m posting this is that it includes Hooch.

Everybody knows that Thanksgiving isn’t just about eating turkey to celebrate our founding fathers giving the indians smallpox and meeting your uncle’s new wife, there are new movies out! A round of gravy shots for everybody!

Opening tomorrow in wide release

Enchanted – Disney flick about a Cinderella landing in modern Manhattan.  Starring McDreamy and that fruitcake who played Cyclops.  I don’t plan on seeing it, but it looks like a good place to pick up chicks.  

The Mist – Frank Darabont directs a Steven King flick starring Thomas Jane.   They couldn’t even make it through the trailer without killing off the black guy this time.  The Mist?  More like The Missed! ZING! 

Hitman – Timothy Olyphant stars in a movie where the title really says it all.  Trailer looks interesting to me, and the poster has lots of sideboob.  However, early reviews have been… less than stellar.   

No Country for Old Men – Coens’ McCarthy adaptation finally gets a wide release.  Guy killing people with an air gun?  Yes, please. 

August Rush – (fart noise) 

This Christmas – I’m confused. A movie with an all-black cast and no Tyler Perry? What the hell’s going on here?  It’s from Screen Gems, so I’m assuming time travel or zombie vampires will somehow be involved.