At the Olive Garden, everyone’s family

If you’re not smart enough to understand why Terrence Malick’s films are so subtle and brilliant, one thing you’ve probably noticed is that he likes to film leaves and wheat stalks and grasses gently blowing in the breeze, with an approach that seems to say “Dialogue schmialogue, here’s a quiet meadow.” Ben Affleck recently starred in Malick’s To the Wonder, and the way Affleck describes Malick’s process basically confirms everything you always assumed about Terrence Malick’s process:

“The experience of it seemed half-crazy in that we didn’t really have dialogue, so I didn’t really know what was happening,” Affleck tells GQ in a new interview. “Then I realized that he was accumulating colors that he would use to paint with later in the editing room. My character doesn’t really do that much.”

Indeed, in THR‘s review of the film, Neil is called “a leading contender for biggest cypher of a leading man in modern cinema. With the barest shards of dialogue to speak, Neil holds his women tight when love is strong, approaches them with concerned sympathy when they turn unhappy and broods in corners or while driving a car once a rupture looks inevitable.”

Added Affleck, “It was kind of a wash for me in terms of learning something as an actor, because Terry uses actors in a different way—he’ll [have the camera] on you and then tilt up and go up to a tree, so you think, ‘Who’s more important in this—me or the tree?’ But you don’t ask him, because you don’t want to know the answer.” [THR]

Yup, sounds like Malick alright. I’ve heard that after sex, Terrence Malick spends 20 minutes spooning the lampshade.

I’ve heard enough stories about Val Kilmer being nuts that I believe them, and true to form, Kilmer joined the Black Lips onstage at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin over the weekend, taking a chainsaw to an amplifier, screaming non-sequitirs, making out with the band, walking in a walker, and eventually chopping off clumps of his own hair with a knife. You know, actor stuff. Supposedly the performance was being filmed for a Terrence Malick movie, a movie I like to think is entitled “An Average Day in the Life of Val Kilmer.”

On Friday, Kilmer hopped onto the Fun Fun Fun Fest stage with the Black Lips and Terrence Malick’s film crew, the latter of which, reports Rolling Stone, was there to capture the actor’s performance for an untitled film also starring Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, and Natalie Portman. Or was it all just a warm-up? In between chain-sawing through stage equipment and giving himself a surprise haircut, Kilmer told the Austin crowd, “Did they tell you we’re making a movie? We’re not. We’re practicing making a movie.” Regardless of whether the performance was being filmed as a rehearsal or an actual scene, the footage may never see the light of day; Malick recently surprised both critics and his To the Wonder cast when he deleted Rachel Weisz, Michael Sheen, Amanda Peet, and Berry Pepper entirely from his romantic drama.

During the performance, Kilmer further provoked the audience by asking them if they’d like to hear him perform as Jim Morrison, whom he portrayed in the 1991 biopic The Doors. “Do you wanna hear some Doors songs? Well, you’re 20 years too late. No Doors here. We have some windows . . . got some garage. But we’ve got no Doors.” [VanityFair]

Haha, that is a good one, Val Kilmer, we’re all just spitballin here.

I’ll admit, I was not at Fun Fun Fun Fest to gauge audience reaction, but I think Val Kilmer may have overestimated the desire of a bunch of 22-year-old Austin hipsters to hear an actor sing a song their parents were conceived to because he was in a movie about it 20 years ago. That said, I would’ve completely lost my sh*t if he’d sung “Skeet Surfin‘.”

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Terrence Malick’s untitled project has been causing quite a stir in Texas, where it is being filmed, as stars Natalie Portman and Michael Fassbender already showed up at a recent Texas Longhorns game, inducing one of the world’s largest collective orgasms on record. But as I previously pointed out, the folks at Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium were spared exposure to the film’s entire sexy cast, as it also stars Ryan Gosling.

Apparently the stars of this film are traveling under a rule of 2/3 because Gosling and Fassbender showed up at the Spooky Skedaddle 5K on Saturday at the Texas School for the Deaf sans Portman, which caused all the boys to sign, “What the hell?” The event, which sounds like it was named by Gosling, raises money for the foundation’s “Language for All” campaign, and thanks to the presence of Baby Goose and Michael F. Assbender, this year’s event raised $22,000, due to some clever advertising by the school’s staff.

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"Hey girl, trust me, this is in self defense."

FilmDrunk favorite and gentleman snuggler Ryan Gosling is currently filming Lawless, a gangster film directed by Terrence Malick and co-starring Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. Lawless is actually one of two new Malick projects in the works – both starring Bale but only one starring Baby Goose :( – but at least it is the only one that lets us witness Gosling with a machine gun. Is there nothing sexier on this planet, ladies? Actually, I suppose it would be better if he were shirtless and riding a lion like He-Man with Bale in a sidecar made of biceps, but we’re gonna have to settle for this.

The banner image is one of a few new stills that were recently released from the set of Lawless, but most of them were just Baby Goose being his lovable, charming self and mingling with the crew and fans. It’s good that he was being so affable with everyone, though, because rumor has it that Bale was actually firing a machine gun into the crowds. I don’t know if that is true or not, but it just sounds right.

[Editor's Note: The machine gun pictures are actually from Gangster Squad, from Ruben Fleischer (hopefully it's better than 30 Minutes or Less). Don't worry, I'll be sure to tan Burnsy's ass for this error.]

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WEEKEND MOVIE GUIDE: If you’re looking to squander this fine holiday weekend inside, you’ve got The Hangover Part II, Kung Fu Panda 2, and Tree of Life: Electric Boogaloo (in some locations). One second… okay, I’m being told Tree of Life is not actually a sequel. Sorry for the confusion.

THE HANGOVER PART II: Some dudes wake up in Thailand, and you’ll never believe this, but some wacky stuff happens.

RottenTomatoes: 34%

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Somebody must have roofied me. I left The Hangover Part II feeling dazed and abused, wondering how bad things happened to such a good comedy.” -Peter Travers

“In Roseanne Barr’s recent exposé of TV culture, she got to the core of this dishonesty by cutting through the media’s hypocrisy about Charlie Sheen’s meltdown. Barr dared to describe his TV series Two and a Half Men as the first TV show about a john. That’s the same lowlife behavior that The Hangover movies salute; they come from the same Hollywood sewer. Phillips and Galifianakis pretend that without a steadying, accountable presence, The Hangover Part II is satire. Fact is, it’s unrepentant indulgence.” -Armond White

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