Okay, guys, I admit it: this guy isn’t actually Terrence Howard’s son. He’s just some guy. It’s just that his legal name is “Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop,” and that sounds like something cooked up by our favorite hat-loving beat poet.

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, 30, Madison, was tentatively charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation after his arrest at about 3 p.m. in the 800 block of East Mifflin Street.
According to the police news release, residents near Reynolds Park called police because of alleged excessive drinking and drug use near the park.
“Officers contacted a subject they had previous dealings with, identified as Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop,” said police spokesman Howard Payne. [madison.com via theDailyWhat]

Oh, Beezow. Always Doo-Doo Drinking and taking Zopbitty bong loads. Classic Beezow. His Facebook page also lists his religion as “the Orthodox Church of Jerry Garcia Fans” and his favorite activities as “eating” and “standing.”

Meanwhile, in actual Terrence Howard news, it seems he’s going through a pretty ugly divorce, including allegations of domestic violence, racial slurs, and incessant bongo drumming. Okay, I made up that last one, but it’s probably true.

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Probably no one will enjoy this parody poster I made for New Year’s Eve so much as I enjoyed making it myself, but that’s okay. It’s about the journey.

“New Year’s Eve stars Jon Bon Jovi, Ludacris, Robert DeNiro, and Katherine Heigl. What MY poster preSUPPOSES is… what if it just starred Terrence Howard wearing different hats?”

That’s a ten times better movie. Say what you will about Terrence Howard, the dude can really wear a hat.

This Week: The Rum Diary, Steven Spielberg’s War Horse, Adam Sandler in drag, and more.

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The newest Rum Diary poster looks a liiiittle closer to the tone of the book, but it still seems… I don’t know… cutesy (“he’s only wearing one sock, lol!”). But I don’t know what I expected. At some point, we’ve all got to face that they’re not going to put a girl getting gang raped on the poster. Also, I realize this wouldn’t be accurate to the source material, but it’d be awesome if Johnny Depp was wearing that big lizard tail from Fear and Loathing. And if anyone knows where I can get one of those, please, inquire within. I don’t have money, but I’m willing to barter. (*bats eyes, tries to do sexy dance, trips over cat*)

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As you can tell by the faces of passersby, Terrence Howard recently left the house wearing a combination of garments that could scarcely be believed. I put the question to you: what is the gayest part of this outfit? Is it the newsie cap? The pink bedazzling on the newsie cap? Is it the scarf? The girly knot the scarf is tied into? The zip-up sweater? The jeans with pockets with button flaps? (Jeans are like genitals, if yours have flaps, you’re a girl). There are a lot of options, but I’ll tell you what the least gay part is, the socks with birkenstocks. I can’t imagine any self-respecting gay man wearing those. |DailyMail|

MORNING LINKS
Suspended Animation FDA-Approved For Human Trials |Gamma Squad|

The singer of Smash Mouth is eating Guy Fieri’s eggs for charity. I could NOT stop turning Smash Mouth lyrics into songs about eggs. |Warming Glow|

Holy Crap This Guy’s Mugshot Will Haunt Your Dreams Forever And Well Into The Afterlife |UPROXX|

This Music Video Is You, Internet. |Gamma Squad|

NOOOO, WHY SO SAD, SAD BIRTHDAY DOG?? |RedSuspenders|

Nic Cage Attacked By Fudgsicle-Wielding Naked Dude |Film Drunk|

7-Foot Russian Boxer To Search For Twittering Bigfoot |With Leather|

Kanye West Rocks Women’s Clothes With New Fashion Line |Smoking Section|

The Sofia Vergara Quote To End All Sofia Vergara Quotes |Buzzfeed|

How Abe Lincoln argued a murder trial (honestly, I imagine). |MentalFloss|

January Jones gave birth to her bastard child, named after the movie she got knocked up with him on. |TheSuperficial|

Brad Pitt liked pranking Jonah Hill on the set of Moneyball. I bet he circled his fat and called him porker all the time too. Brad Pitt is a real meanie. |Videogum|

Before They Joined The Gang: A Look Back At The ‘Always Sunny’ Cast. |ScreenJunkies|

Five Cinematic Plagues and the Degrees to Which They Should Terrify Us. |Nerve|

IN! THE! FAAAAAAACE! |CagePotato|

12 Cases of The Unexplained, Disappearing TV Character |Pajiba|

And finally, The 100 Greatest Shut-Ups in Film:

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This trailer for Red Tails is very important as it was produced by the famous cat thief George Lucas. However, it doesn’t seem to have any reaction shots from families of squirrels or characters swinging through the trees with monkeys, so it’s possible George just cut a check and went back to playing Hot Wheels on his racecar bed and shoving fistfuls of money into his stretchy neck pouch. Instead, Red Tails, directed by Anthony Hemingway, tells the story of the Tuskeegee Airmen, a squadron of negro pilots during WWII whose rambunctious jungle planing at first terrified the white establishment, until it eventually captivated the youth and swept the country, going on to “influence” white pilots from Elvis to John Travolta. Some people say black guys make better pilots because of the extra muscle in their throttle arm, but science has already disproven this theory.

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