Opening this weekend:

Terminator Salvation
You can read more than you probably want to know about it in my review.  Bottom line, it ain’t a bad flick to get dragged to if you’re just looking for something that looks cool and has lots of explosions.  The main difference between this and T2?  In both, the bad guy gets frozen by liquid nitrogen.  In T2 they actually write the liquid nitrogen into the scene.  It’s definitely better than the last Indiana Jones, and definitely worse than Star Trek.  After the jump, you can watch McG explain his favorite scene.

Night at the Museum 2
Haha, way to have kids, loser.  Pretty soon you’ll be going to Night at the Mausoleum.  Haha, I kid because I’m lonely.  On a serious note, I haven’t seen this or the first one, but it looks a lot better than Hotel for Dogs or the one where The Rock plays the tooth fairy.

Dance Flick
Oh joy, another Wayans Brothers movie.  If you’re seeing this you’d have to be pretty hard up for entertainment.  Have you considered suicide?  It may not be *the* answer, but it’s definitely *an* answer.

The Girlfriend Experience
Pornstar Sasha Grey plays a prostitute for Steven Soderbergh.  If it’s not playing in a theater near you, you can still order it on cable.  Other than Ocean’s Twelve, I can’t say as I’ve ever been super disappointed by a Steven Soderbergh flick (Out of Sight is especially underappreciated).  And I’d love to recommend it based on Grey’s presence alone, but really I just wish she’d stop squinting.  Settle down, bitch, it ain’t that bright.

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(“I SPEND THIS ENTIRE MOVIE YELLING!”)

Terminator Salvation might be the coolest looking, most visually impressive, best choreographed movie I’ve seen all year, and it would be even better if they’d actually finished writing the script.

During the press tour, director McG had been saying all the right things – acknowledging that letting the Charlie’s Angels guy direct a Terminator movie sounds like a horrible idea, and that having a name like “McG” might make a person sound like kind of a douchebag.  He went out of his way to show deference, which made his argument that he’d made a worthy sequel sound sincere.  He even went so far as to say on a radio show that he was tempted to give out his phone number on the air “so that people who don’t like it can call me for a refund.”  Hey, McG, does that offer still stand?  I know a few people who owe you a call…

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Ahh, good ‘ol Black20.  No one else could take an idea so simple as a Transformers/Terminator mashup and execute it this well.

“They used to just shoot at us.  But now they turn into sweet cars.  They’re taking human prisoners.  Replicating human tissue.  And worst of all: eating all of our sand.”

Anyway, funny stuff.  I don’t really have anything to add, so instead I’m just going to add a bunch of pictures of Megan Fox.  Durrr, look at me, I work for Esquire!

[via IGN]

So the first Terminator Salvation reviews are out and… it ain’t lookin’ good.  Boy, who would’ve thought letting the one-named guy behind Charlie’s Angels direct a fourth Terminator was a bad idea, huh?

[picture courtesy of ScreenJunkies]

Jim Cameron judges the McG-Bay penis-measuring competition, Bay tries to influence his ruling.

New details about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cameo in Terminator Salvation have emerged, namely, that a naked, digitized version of Arnold will fight Christian Bale.

The filmmakers used fancy computer tricks to put the California governor’s face on some young bodybuilder’s body, so he looks just like he did when he walked naked on the streets in 1984. Arnold’s face only shows up for a few shots before it [his face], and his package, get mangled beyond recognition.

If my digitized face was going to be on another dude’s body, I’d want it to be a big black guy, not some bodybuilder.  Just sayin.  Anyway, naturally, while covering this story, E! couldn’t resist asking McG about his penis feud with Michael Bay, which he now says was meant to be ironic (duh).

“That was lost immediately, and people gravitated to ‘two spoiled-brat directors think they have big cocks,’” McG said. “Nothing could be further from the truth.”  But since you brought it up…  “The funny thing is, I have an Irish curse and I think we’re all familiar with exactly how [I'm endowed].”

You mean there’s another curse besides being a ginger?  Anyway, penis is a funny word. I prefer to call mine a “hatestick.”