Can combining two lame, played-out genres create something new? That’s the basic question behind Warm Bodies (based on the book of the same name), which combines the zombie movie with the unpopular-high-school-kid-in-love movie, in the hopes of earning a DOUBLE KITSCH SCORE. Nicholas Hoult (Beast from X-Men First Class) plays the zombie, Teresa Palmer is his human love interest, and you can watch the first four minutes online below. I guess it makes sense, I mean, what’s a zombie anyway if not a prototypical movie slacker, only with paler skin, discheveleder hair, a slouchier posture, and a dirtier hoody? Anyway, I have to admit, my initial reaction is “GUHHHHHHH…”, but it does come from Jonathan Levine, who last directed 50/50, which was easily one of my top five favorite movies of that year. Maybe this will be good? I wouldn’t put my money on that, but I’d bet my life that the zombies are some kind of metaphor, you guys!

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See what I did with that headline there?  Pretty clever, right?

Over the weekend, Hollywood once again learned the hard way that no one wants to remember the 80s, as Take Me Home Tonight, which looked like a more pandering version of Adventureland for dumb people, actually earned less than Adventureland.  Wow, I did not see that coming.  Earning $3.5 million at 2,000 locations, it didn’t even crack the top 10.   If there’s a lesson to be learned here, it’s that maybe don’t name your movie after a song that was in a Carl’s Jr. commercial 15 years ago. It just sounds like a bad roast joke.  “I don’t want to say your movie was generic, but it’s named after a song from a Carl’s Jr. commercial from 15 years ago.”

Elsewhere, the Johnny Depp-voiced Rango took home the top spot with a respectable $38 million.  I saw it.   It looked great but was a chore to sit through, the same reason I eventually stopped dating high school chicks.  Overall business was down 32 percent from the same weekend last year, which is to be expected given Alice Wonderland opened last year, but worrisome considering February movie attendance hit a 15-year low.  I hate to point fingers, but this probably had something to do with Cedar Rapids being the only February release that was worth a hobo’s dick cheese.  Why the f*ck is that only playing on 235 screens again?  Is it so more people can see Just Go With It and Gnomeo and Juliet?  Or Big Momma’s House 3, perhaps?  I never thought I’d say this, but we seem to have reached a point where people are actually less stupid than Hollywood thinks they are.

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Dreamworks has just released the first trailer for the Michael Bay-and-Steven-Spielberg-produced, DJ Caruso-directed, aliens-in-high-school movie, I Am Number Four, based on the forthcoming book series from James Frey (the Million Little Pieces guy) and Jobie Hughes.  It stars Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, Kevin Durand, and Alex Pettyfer, whom I have renamed Alex Pretty Fur.  If you’ll remember, this is the film Sharlto Copley dropped out of in a dispute over alien ears.  Anyway, here’s the rundown:

In the film, an extraordinary young man, John Smith, is a fugitive on the run from ruthless enemies sent to destroy him. Changing his identity, moving from town to town with his guardian Henri, John is always the new kid with no ties to his past. In the small Ohio town he now calls home, John encounters unexpected, life-changing events — his first love, powerful new abilities and a connection to the others who share his incredible destiny.

His incredible destiny?  MIND BULLETS!  (*tries to bend spoon, poops pants*)

Meanwhile, in an incredible exclusive, I was able to obtain this footage of director DJ Caruso directing the action on set:

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(Teresa Palmer, Emma Roberts)

Sony is busy auditioning actresses to play Spider-Man’s love interest (not Mary Jane this time) in their Mark Webb-directed, 3D reboot of Spider-Man, and Tof these five, but, you know… food for thought.  With the title role being played by Scarfield (Andrew Garfield), an important consideration is finding a girl you’ve never heard of before. To that end, this seems like a fine list:

Lilly Collins (“Priest”), Ophelia Lovibond (“Nowhere Boy”), Teresa Palmer (“The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”), Imogen Poots (“Fright Night”) and Emma Roberts (“4.3.2.1″) are among the finalists.  The report also indicates that additional actresses may be under consideration and that Mary Elizabeth Winstead (“Scott Pilgrim vs the World”) was among the finalists at one point before dropping out. The actresses are said to be meeting with Webb and Garfield this weekend and if none of them pan out another round of casting will begin. [MTV]

Whoa whoa whoa, time out: “Imogen Poots”?  That’s a real name, and not the title of a Victorian book of limericks about flatulence?  She needs to marry Benedict Cumberbatch immediately, and invite us all over for tea to celebrate the union of Cumberbatch and Poots.  “Oi, bugga me norks, guv, is da guests ‘ere awready? Dog’s your uncle bobby lorrie lift, but we’s stiw cleanin da chimneys. But you know Mistah Cumbabatch, da bloke ain’t met a penny dat ‘e ain’t pinched!”

An artist's conception of what it might look like if these chicks almost touched boobs.

I can’t watch Glee, and it’s not because I’m homophobic — I still love Project Runway and have even watched Shear Genius once or twice — I just loathe campy musicals.  Nonetheless, for all you queerbaits who do love that show, Glee‘s Dianna Agron (left) has signed for I Am Number Four, the Michael Bay-produced, DJ Caruso-directed, aliens-in-high-school movie, based on the upcoming book by James Frey and Jobie Hughes. Here is the cast as it now stands, including (in bold) the two that I can report exclusively (TOLDJA TOLDJA TOLDJA! — sorry, bloggers are supposed to do that, right?).  And you know you can trust me because I reported the casting of the lead two weeks before the trades, and because my mom says when I sleep I have the face of an angel.

Alex Pettyfer – John/Number 4
Teresa Palmer – Number 6
Sharlto Copley – Henri (Number 4′s guardian and mentor who comes to Earth with him)
Kevin Durand – The Commander
Dianna Agron – Sarah (girl dating the head jock who falls for Number 4)
Callan McAuliffe – Sam (Number 4′s best friend)

From what I understand, John is the lead, the good alien who flees his planet, Lorien, from the Mogadorians, led by Kevin Durand’s character, who chased them to Earth.  I know, I know, it sounds pretty silly.  But then again, there were lots of aliens at my high school.  Mostly in my Spanish class.  And now that I think about it, they must’ve had super powers because it was almost as if they knew the material before it was even taught.